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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

What is the secret to a happy life?

96 replies

Washeduponthebeach · 17/09/2021 10:01

Interested to know what has worked for you and why. How you have changed your approach or what life events have prompted a different outlook!

OP posts:
Aquafizzle · 17/09/2021 10:37

@garlicandsapphires

Happiness is desiring what you already have (to paraphrase an ancient philosopher) Works for me.
This!!! I like the quote "remember when you always wanted everything you now have?"
AgnesNaismith · 17/09/2021 10:37

Being able to navigate the grief curve quickly
Having a dog
Eating good food
Sitting in the sunshine

leavesthataregreen · 17/09/2021 10:38

Find joy in simple everyday things because then you'll always have a supply of it. Good fresh coffee or tea in the morning, feeding the birds, watching the sunset or the moon in the trees, stopping to stroke a cat or watch a butterfly. Favourite scent of bath stuff after a hard workout. A good book last thing at night etc.

Make the life you already have more fun instead of thinking it would be fun if/when... I remember when DC were tiny I was mourning my old life one day and suddenly realised I'd never get it back and would be permanently miserable if I didn't change my mindset. If I wanted fun I had to have fun with DC. From that lightbulb moment on, we went out every weekend to steam fairs and miniature railways, we built dams in rivers and made mudslides, we sledged to school on snowy days, we built dens and bonfires, went to circuses and immersive art shows etc. We had fun all the time. People used to say you do so much with your family. But DC didn't do nearly as many clubs as other DC so we didn't spend hours ferrying them to and from an exhausting program of after school things. Now they are adults we still all have fun together going to theatres and gigs and cocktail bars.

Decide what your absolute top priority that brings you most joy is and pursue it. For me that was DC so I chose to go part time at work and WFH throughout their childhood. Meant I was not often stressed by work.

I see a lot of people in the wealthy area where I live work all hours then spend the extra money on gardeners and cleaners and nannies to love their life for them. I'd genuinely prefer to work fewer hours, mow my own lawn, polish my own floors and bath my own kids. I don't understand the constant need for stuff. I'd always rather have time.

Niffler92 · 17/09/2021 10:42

I had ten amazing years living in a small but busy and diverse English city, where I could be myself and was well connected with various groups of friends.

YouJustDoYou · 17/09/2021 10:45

Having a horrible, lonely, full of fear, shit unstable childhood, to having my own little.family with a good, steady man for a husband, children who I love and who love me, and now financial security.

notthemum · 17/09/2021 10:46

Not that I have one but money would definitely help.

LikeTheOceansWeRise · 17/09/2021 10:48

Knowing myself and what makes me content, not comparing my life to others. I used to be constantly comparing myself to friends and their hectic social lives and constant dinners out, it took me a long time to realise that I actually prefer a quiet evening in, that's where I get my energy. But in my 20s especially I felt pressure to always be out socialising. I'm much happier now that I have a better understanding of what brings me joy, rather than trying to fit in with everyone around me.

Feeling productive and that I'm moving forward. This is what I'm missing at the moment. I'm terrible for always wishing for the next thing in life - especially in my career. I find it hard to sit still and slow down.

Being outdoors, having meaningful connections with people. Knowing that I'm giving my best self to my friends and family.

And most importantly, that first cup of tea in the morning. Bloody bliss!

peachgreen · 17/09/2021 10:52

Finding the joy in the small things. Without a doubt. DH died suddenly last year and I realised I wasn't going to be "happy" like that again (i.e. from the big things like a perfect husband and happy family), so I had to find a new way. When I have a coffee I make it properly and drink it on the veranda. I take the long way to the shops so I'm walking by the sea. I take myself to the theatre and have a glass of champagne in a nice bar beforehand. When I'm putting the laundry away I put music on and sing while I'm doing it. I take a good book when I'm commuting. That sort of thing. In a weird way, I'm more content now than I was before DH died - that's not to say I don't miss him every single day and wish he was here because I absolutely do. But I've learned to live in a simpler, more easily contented way.

I also don't look too far ahead as I've learned that life can change so dramatically in an instant - we just don't know how tomorrow will look. That helps too.

leavesthataregreen · 17/09/2021 10:54

@Niffler92

I had ten amazing years living in a small but busy and diverse English city, where I could be myself and was well connected with various groups of friends.
@Niffler92 - please would you say which city? We are planning to move and are looking for a small but diverse town or city. That sounds lovely.
theneverendinglaundry · 17/09/2021 10:57

Give Blindboy's latest podcast a listen. He says that there is no such thing as a "happy" life, and that we as humans should stop trying to achieve that. What we need is a meaningful life. There will always be ups and downs, things to worry about, noone is ever happy 100% of the time. But it is important that you feel your life has meaning.

languagelover96 · 17/09/2021 11:00

This is the big list of tips for success in life

Learn French etc
Get plenty of sleep
Smile or laugh
Have a dry sense of humor it helps always
Find a paid job you can do well in
Take care of yourself too
Attend parties and make friends as well, it does help
Eat properly
Go to church or chapel services
Have a list of goals to work on each week
Never care about little things either
Exercise often and little
Love yourself and others for the most part
Learn how to cook
Know first aid in case
Keep a positive outlook on life
Forget perfection, this is not healthy.
Have a good body image

DifficultBloodyWoman · 17/09/2021 11:02

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Saying that to myself results in avoiding a lot of conflict.

Also - a bad memory. I frequently forget what I should be pissed off about.

GoWalkabout · 17/09/2021 11:22

Think more about what you want and need and less about what you should and ought.

Cas112 · 17/09/2021 11:43

Teaching myself not to worry about things that are out of my control

ZenNudist · 17/09/2021 11:45

Low expectations

thetesdybears · 17/09/2021 11:47

Not working full time. I work part time (only because I have young kids) However I really love only working 3 days a week. I think a lot of folk are miserable because they work too much. I get to spend a lot of time outside in the summer enjoying the warmer weather and just generally having time to do things.

Obviously most people need to work full time. However honestly if u can afford to drop a day 2 or condense ur hrs etc it's totally worth it!

vampirethriller · 17/09/2021 11:49

Don't suffer fools
Don't make life harder than it has to be

WombatChocolate · 17/09/2021 11:51

Having the right sense of perspective about yourself and things around you.

The big picture sense that having faith gives can give a level of peace and joy which is despite circumstance. When people know they are loved by God and God has a plan for their life, they have a deep sense of self esteem which is totally unrelated to worldly things. And when life throws whatever at them, they hold onto the bigger picture and know all things pass and can keep persepcrive and joy.lleven through truly awful things.

It’s not about never having bad things happen in life. Everyone has bad things to differing degrees and at different points. The way you view yourself, the things that happen in life and the perspective you have impacts how you cope with them.

TiddleTaddleTat · 17/09/2021 11:52

Work as little as possible
Find and do hobbies
Be happy with what you've got
Appreciate the small things
Enjoy nature
Avoid stress
Celebrate good health

GooodMythicalMorning · 17/09/2021 12:00

Making yourself happy, not relying on happiness to come from someone else.

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 17/09/2021 12:09

@peachgreen your comment really moved me. I have screenshot it, to remind myself of this. I have a toddler and need to make the most of the moments I have when I am alone.

For me, I left a marriage that I was pretty much pressured into by my family. I had to leave him and them and their religion to escape. When I did, I think I learnt to savour small victories, to be positive, to celebrate my personal milestones and I journal a lot to remind myself of how far I have come. My life in my 30's so far has been so different to the life in my 20's. I have a husband who loves me, who I love and adore, a beautiful child (never thought I would have one) and can live life the way I want to with little interference from my past. I love that first cup of tea in the morning, I watch tv shows that I wouldn't have previously been able to watch, I enjoy shopping and wearing clothes that suit me and be proud of my figure rather than covering it up all the time. And most importantly I love good music and getting lost in the countryside.

hamstersarse · 17/09/2021 12:13

Aiming for ‘happy’ is a fool’s game

We all know life has suffering all the time and relentlessly. But from suffering comes learning and growth so 🤷‍♀️

It’s just an adventure. We are all going to die so just do what you can to find some moments of pleasure and pay attention to the things that matter (relationships)

Give no shiny shits about material things. They literally don’t matter

RuthW · 17/09/2021 12:13

Living apart from a partner

SylvanasWindrunner · 17/09/2021 12:13

@Mantlemoose

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Yes, this is a big part of it I think. Every day on here I read threads where people are fuming, raging, angry, stressed by really incredibly minor things. It must be an exhausting way to live. I know people like this IRL too. It does not look fun.
ssd · 17/09/2021 12:14

@peachgreen, I'm sorry for your loss but you sound very together. I'm sure you dont feel it all the time, but just wanted to say I'm quietly impressed here Flowers

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