Do you hold some resentment for one of your parents?

[faithfulbird20]

Do you? I hold some resentment against my mum. Like I wish she bothered with me and my school life a bit more than she did. Parents day or homework. It was just something you just got on with. It's like she didn't care. Even asking about how my day was or friends or whatever. It never happened. There was no way to bond. She just loved cooking or talking to her family who were far away. If I did go in the kitchen to learn how to cook/bake she wouldn't really let me learn. She'd give me other jobs to do like washing a pot or unloading the dishwasher.

@faithfulbird20 both my parents didn’t really show any interest in my schooling. I was left to it. My db was the golden boy. They let him do every club going, supported him through his studies and let him stay on after uni (he’s still there at 48). Everything was a no.
I’ve always had a distant relationship with them and was always labelled as trouble. Db still lives at home and I’ve done very well for myself in my career and my life in general.

Yep, my mother suffered with her ‘nerves’ so as I child I was either terrified of her explosive temper or smothered (I hated the smothering as I was always afraid that she’d turn in an instant). She descended into alcoholism then, kicked me out age 17 so we had a strained relationship for many years.
She did take some interest in my children but very much at arms length, the alcoholism further grew and she was at end of life for the last two years of her life, I’d cut contact by then as I couldn’t take any more.
My father stood by all of my life, allowing her to emotionally abuse me, he kept his nose out for an easy life and to stop her picking on him instead.

I tried my best to support him as an adult, knowing he continued to have an awful life with my mother but he repaid my loyalty by immediately moving another woman in weeks after my mother died, a woman who was a complete bitch who made it quite clear we weren’t welcome.

History repeated itself as he stood by this woman and allowed her to speak to me like shit, again for an easy life and to keep her as she repeatedly threatened to leave him.

The pain of having him let me down yet again was too much and so he’s now no longer in my life either, he told me that unless I accepted his new woman he didn’t want anything to do with me.

Off you fuck then, you didn’t look after me as a child and your not understanding my feelings as an adult either.

His loss.

Oh yes. I loved my dad, but he was completely rubbish. I don't think he meant to be, but he was.

Yes, my DF was far more focussed on my brothers than me because their hobbies interested him. I felt left out for a lot of my childhood My DM tried very hard to control my weight and I have had a lifetime of eating issues since.

BUT, as I’ve gotten older and DF is no longer with us, I’ve realised that we all have our foibles, they were the product of their upbringing as well and they tried their best. They are/were not bad people.

Yes, of course. I resent both of them for certain things, but I'm grateful to them for other things.

Yes, my dad was an addict who spent most of his life inside, I have an amazing step dad who has been around since I was 6. I saw my dad twice a year birthday's and Xmas on the years he was around, I resent the fact he was never around for me but brought up his step daughter, its left me with a life time of feeling like I'm not good enough and I've never felt like I belonged anywhere.

Not now but hadn't realised I didn't until this post. My DF was an alcoholic so I resented him for obvious reasons. He died 13th years ago. My DM is the nicest most genuine lady you could ever meet however I resented her secretly for many years mainly for not leaving my DF sooner.

No I don't and I had parents who had many faults . My father could be aggressive when I was a child and he was often bad tempered

My mother was often depressed when I was younger and certainly did not get involved with a lot of what I did as a teenager .

She contributed on some ways to my lifelong obesity but not on any way on purpose or maliciously.

However they both lived a long life and I found myself having no resentment or bad feelings whatsoever about the sort of parents they were. I know they loved me and did the best they were able to. I did find their later years very stressful as their needs were high but towards the very end I felt closer to them than ever despite the very real frustrations and difficuties their severe old age brought to both their and my life.

As a child I was pretty angry with my dad in particular for not being there for me but I have nothing but affection for him when I think of him now . I don't know why other than I know how hard his life was as a child and how much effort he must have made to overcome that . I feel nothing but sympathy and some pride in how he dealt with the awful circumstances of his childhood.

Yes, for offering help when DS was a newborn but not actually following through.

I know this is such a minor thing compared to many parents on here, but I was suffering badly wih undiagnosed PND, DS wouldn't sleep anywhere except on us, so I was getting about 4-5 hours of sleep a night, walking 6 miles a day in order to get DS to nap.

My mum kept saying 'if you need a hand just ask' I invited them over a few times a week, but they were always busy. They did start coming over once a week but only after DH started asking too, but they'd just take him for a walk and be back an hour later, then hang around and I felt obliged to offer drinks and snacks.

I will always remember feeling how much they almost made me beg for help when I was at my lowest. They do help with childcare once a week now, but its not without its own cost.

Yes, I am working hard to let go of resentment towards my dad but to be honest he’s totally fucked over his kids and my mum, so it’s hard not to feel it. What I don’t do is let it dominate my life. I strive as a person to be totally different - to be honest, to prioritize my children and I will never have an affair and damage those around me like he did.

I do with both my dps as well tbh

Yes. My dad. He was aggressive, occasionally violent, drank far too much, parented through fear. Through ill health he’s now a shadow of what he was but I swing between finding him selfish and annoying 95% of the time, and to be pitied the other 5%.

Yes, me too. I've come to terms with it by realising that they didn't have great role models themselves in their own parents. I don't think my parents really know what to do to be a better parent.

Even now.

Though they do frustrate me that they have never looked around them and learnt from friends, or even from me.

My dad is especially selfish. It was all about him and his career. I hadn't ever thought about it, watched The Jazz singer recently and sobbed at the choice of music career or family. I didn't actually know I was that upset by it.

They continue to be disinterested, moved abroad when I really needed them, are emotionally immature and would rather not deal with any difficulties.
They hate spending money, so treat no one, not even themselves. They use a family rift as a reason to be tight -"we can't have a party, we can't celebrate, we can't take send cards" because it would be awkward.

We don't really have a family life and my DC's don't have a close relationship with them either.

I had an ideal childhood but since i had ds 7 I'm not as close to my mum as I was before.I don't think she realised but she heavily interfered and had opinions about his up bringing when ds was small.I had pnd and felt like she thought I wasn't a good mother.

Yes both. Betrayed me, shamed me, did not feed me adequately to the point I ate toilet paper and bits of pages out of my books
Turned a blind eye to issues affecting me and my siblings. Terrible parents who I do not look to role my parenting on at all

I resent my mum for always complaining to me about my dad. It started when I was a teenager and was relentless. She had plenty to be aggrieved about - he could be a right pain in the arse, uncommunicative and selfish - but he was still my dad and I found her constant moaning very very draining. It only stopped when he died. She's been a good mum in other ways though.

I resent my Dad for being so emotionally controlling, he’s an alcoholic and I understand that he has demons and an illness and that it’s not his fault as such but he would ask me questions as a small child like ‘does your mum sleep naked with other men’ I must have said yes to a boyfriend sleeping over once and he came round and chased her out the house in her nightdress and we had to hide in the neighbours house, clearly he was hoping to catch her out somehow. I remember thinking it was my fault as I told him. Other times he would cry drunk at me saying he loved me but my mum chucked him out and everything was her fault. He just constantly bombed me with love and affection but would then disappear for years on end and then start the emotional guilt again.

I also resent her for not doing more to protect me, she is wonderful and I adore her but I just wish she hadn’t let me go with him when he turned up out of the blue, I wish she didn’t wake me up to speak to him when he drunk called in the night etc but she wouldn’t ever talk bad of him and I don’t know if that was to try and protect me somehow or if she still loved him but it would have been kinder and easier to me if she cut him out of my life completely, a choice I happily made for myself as a teenager.

To quote Philip Larkin:

“They f**k you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f**ked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.”

Says it all 😂