Any advice on telling parents I’m pregnant at 21?

[hol56]

My 12 weeks scan is coming up and that’s when DP and i are going to tell our parents we’re pregnant.

I have a rocky relationship with my mum and she’s always telling people i’m ‘too sensible’ whenever they joke and say she’s next to be a granny, but she doesn’t agree with terminations so i feel either way she would react awfully.

We are keeping the baby i’m 21, DP is 24, we’re a little young but we have decided to keep it, we both have steady jobs, my DP is actually being trained up for a promotion too.

His family are lovely, however his mum bubble wraps him all too much because he is autistic, I don’t want them putting him down and questioning his ability to do this as he is far more capable than they make out.

I’m a bit frightened about all of their reactions because this is such a happy and exciting time for us and if i feel people are doubting or trying to make this negative i don’t want to have to make the decision of whether they should still be in our lives?

Do you live together? If not, are you actively looking for a place?

You are 21 it shouldn’t be an issue if your parents ‘create’ and are negative. You walk away from arguments.

I was actively trying at 20 and had a baby at 21 and another at 23. You are an adult. As long as you are able to support the baby it shouldn't be anything to do with your parents.

“ wonderful news for you we are so happy that you’ll be a granny in …”

Do you live with your partner? Just concentrate on building a family with him.

How exciting op! Before you tell them I would put all your financial planning etc together in your head so you can reassure.

I’m sure you are very aware of this - I have a dc with ASD and you may find your dp’s parents will want to check you understand ASD is genetically heritable and so a father with ASD is more likely to have a dc with ASD. I adore my dc with ASD and will be having the same chat with them at some point about their diagnosis and any future kids they may have.

All the very best with telling them!

Obviously I will be discussing this with my dc as a young teen, not with them and any future partners as an adult as by then it would be none of my business

Are you married?

Is your name on the mortgage?

Are you planning to go back to work after maternity leave?

Do you have joint life insurance?

Do you share all income and see it as one pot of family money?

I’d talk about these questions with your partner first before thinking about how to share the news.

We’ve lived together 18 months, in rented property. I have always been very independent and have always made sure i am financially stable.

I work with autism and learning disabilities so am very aware it is genetic however both myself and DP have a great understanding of the ASD.

I think i’m just overthinking everything but because i don’t have the greatest relationship with my mum i don’t want this to be another ‘thing’ to fall out over, me and DP have agreed if she tries to be negative then we’re just cutting all contact, and she’s not putting my child through what she did with me.

I’m sure DPs family will be incredibly supportive, i just hope they don’t make him doubt himself and his abilities like they do so often