My boyfriend is a little messed up in regards to his past. He had some councilling after his 8 year relationship ended 2 and half years ago. Their relationship was eventually toxic. A mixture of both parties not being right for the other. Sounds as though the last year in particular wasn't great at all. They emotionally hurt eachother alot and didn't want to do things together. Opposites in socialising and both seemed reckless with money. He ended up living with her for 6 months after the split. Moved out. Got depressed. This led to a suicide attempt. Which led to a "friendship" between them. This friendship is confusing and abit much. They don't seem to physically see eachother. It's been 10 months since they had a coffee together and they've not seen eachother in the flesh since. But they find little ways to message. She still has things that he is going to gradually ask her for. She sends photos of the plants they bought to make conversation. He wants them back when he moves next. They check on how the other is. At a guess weekly. She did say a while back to him she was concerned about him being with Me incase he gets hurt. It caused abit of a row and I could see his anxiety about her whilst we discussed it. It was like he found it easier to say I was over reacting than to accept an ex should not be allowed to give opinions like that. He said she was just looking out for him.
He often will say when I was with my ex we used this or whatever. He has been guilty of telling me things about her that are just not needed.
I've made a deal with myself that because everything else is going well I will give it until Christmas to see if the more we do he starts to make new memories and she will naturally fade out his mind. The thing is he will express to me how she hurt him and why they couldn't work and he doesn't want her like that anymore. He will also blame himself and say they took eachother for granted but were not suited when he looks back, he says there was alot not right about them.
So it's a mix. I just know and fully believe he's still grieving their relationship to some degree. I don't know if this will change gradually now as he's officially involved with me. She surely will want some sort of relationship herself. She's only 37 so I doubt she's ready to be alone. Perhaps they both will let go when each person has someone else.
I can't put my finger on what he's grieving. He has said so many positives about us and me. I'm.very different to his ex and ive got him into walking and cooking and we are both similar in how we like to spend our time. So we have a healthier balance in that respect too.
I don't want to give up on him yet as I do believe he wants me. Surely this has to improve?