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What's app for 11 year olds

5 replies

Macey78 · 13/09/2021 22:23

Our dd has just started secondary school. She's a late July born so only got a mobile phone just before she started secondary school. Seems like quite the majority of the kids in her primary class had a phone some time ago and are in a whats app group. Our dd and a few others aren't due to not having whats app. What do people feel about what's app and 11 year olds? I was going to hold out till she is 13. She does have messages on her iPhone and if old friends wanted to keep in touch I said they would text her or email her like they used to. She hasn't heard from anyone, and feels she may be missing out on group chat. Have told her she's not missing out and once she's found her feet at secondary she'll be making new friends. Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
clare8allthepies · 13/09/2021 22:32

My daughter has also just started secondary but has had her phone since her birthday in May so a bit longer. She has WhatsApp (but nothing like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat)

She uses it for all of her communication with her new classmates both chatting and also them asking each other questions about lessons, homework etc. If she didn’t have it she would have missed out on a lot.

TiredButDancing · 13/09/2021 22:37

It's 2021 - WhatsApp is a pretty standard communication tool. I'd let her have it. But with whatever rules/boundaries in place that work for you eg that you can see the phone at any time or when the wifi goes off or whatever.

Cattitudes · 13/09/2021 22:42

Ours have WhatsApp and actually they learn a lot about social media from experience in yr6, and at least with that group of friends you know the parents. Lots of homework discussion happens on WhatsApp chats too. There are of course other topics, we monitored in yr7 and discuss any topics which came up but actually they pretty soon self regulated their use of it and left/muted the large class chats, mainly using it now for chats with their immediate friends. Although of course you might want to wait until the legal age of 16. I think though it is probably easier to monitor, discuss and guide an 11yr old than a 16yr old. Ours just have WhatsApp too, the really cool kids have other platforms too but fortunately ours aren't too bothered.

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RaoulDufysCat · 13/09/2021 22:45

I let DD have it at 11 just before she started secondary school. But we set a few ground rules.

Firstly I said that I needed to be able to look at her phone and messages at any time, and this was one of the conditions of having a smartphone rather than something that would only make calls and text (and I said any time there was a problem with the content I would be altering phone arrangements immediately). I did check her messages, not every day, but often enough to monitor what was going on in the groups she was in. She's fifteen now and the deal is still that she cannot refuse to show me anything on her phone or we will instantly be downgrading. If she changed her passcode so I couldn't get in that would be a dealbreaker.

I said she couldn't join any chat where there was someone she didn't know in real life as part of the chat. She was added several times to big group chats with children from other schools and the deal was she should show me what was going on and then leave the group. She has stuck to this.

I said she couldn't join any very large chats bar the one for her old primary which was a class of about 28 and most of them were on it. There was a whole year chat at her new school and I said that was too big and she could not join it, and she didn't. Subsequently it turned out that there had been some rather horrible behaviour on this group which ended up having to be dealt with by the school so I think she ended up glad she had not joined. I think big group chats have a horrible dynamic in teenagers and nobody needs that in their lives!

I said she needed to tell me if anything at all happened that she was uncertain about or found scary/mean and she's stuck to this too. There were a couple of incidents that I had to speak to other parents about (luckily the parents were friends of mine so it wasn't awkward).

Mostly it has been fine, BUT I have a very compliant, kind, well-behaved child who is keen on rules and likes everything to be calm and ordered. I am not sure I would have let her have it if I couldn't have felt that I absolutely trusted her to behave sensibly and let me know if anything bad went on.

DD found the familiarity of the old school group chat comforting at first, but as she found her feet at secondary she realised she didn't need it any more and ended up leaving it around halfway through year 7 after some arguments. She still kept in touch with her real friends from her old school, but didn't want to be part of the old chat any more as she had found new friends and a new identity at secondary.

Don't know if this is helpful, but that is what we did and it worked out fine.

Also, you may find that your child's friendship group changes a lot now so not being part of a group from her old school may matter a lot less to her in a matter of weeks.

And yes, they do use it to discuss homework etc (lots of sending each other pics of worksheets if forgotten at school or photos of pages of a textbook) so I would probably give it a try in your shoes and monitor what is going on so you can see it's all harmless.

Macey78 · 13/09/2021 23:50

Thank you everyone - dd is our eldest so everything that happens with her is new territory.

It's great to hear from so many of you, puts things in perspective and is helping me towards I think giving her access to what's app on a few conditions.

The tips about big groups and what to watch out for a brilliant. Thanks you.

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