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Original poster

Please talk me into resigning as I can't stop procrastinating.

22 replies

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 22:00

I'm late 20s, have been at my job for two years and I've come to hate it.

Almost my entire team have left in the past 4 months so the whole culture has changed. Among the new hires is a racist and a sexist. Recently, the few that were left in our team were promoted behind closed doors while I have stayed in the same position. I have had glowing PDRs & mentored several juniors so I feel it is a slap in the face and that I will go nowhere while I stay here. I also believe the decision has mostly been made out of nepotism.

To make matters worse the company is being investigated by health and safety due to putting us at risk and almost everyone catching covid recently as a result.

I was ready to resign this week but now my colleague beat me to it - and as she has resigned, managers pulled me into a big long meeting about how I'll now need to take on some of her workload.

Now I feel stuck all over again! I know full well they are awful people but I still feel an awful sense of guilt because I am working on a big project and no one else in the team has my expertise. Please talk some sense into me! I need to get away from them for my sanity.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 22:02

I meant to add that I am getting lots of interviews but no new job yet. Consistently I am hearing that I have excellent experience and clear passion but lack experience in the sector. It is exhausting.

I've become mildly depressed and my doctor has suggested a low level of anti depressant.

OP posts:

Lookingoutside · 13/09/2021 22:03

Where do you think the guilt comes from OP?

You know they’re awful people and that your working environment is toxic. If that wasn’t the case they would be fully staffed.

Why do you have to be the one to save them?

DoThePropeller · 13/09/2021 22:05

Can you afford to hand your notice in? If so, do it. Life’s too short and it’s a great market to be job hunting in, I’m sure you’ll land something soon.

But if it’s going to create financial pressure, sit tight. Maybe ask for a pay rise or is there a way for you to get some experience that would set you up better for your next role in your current org?

Original poster

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 22:07

I don't know @Lookingoutside , maybe because they create this culture where you are made to look and feel like a family though it is nonsense. Historically people leave years after they say they want to because they feel like they can't. They just cry about it at Christmas parties.

The project I am working on is extremely important and needs to be successful. I think there is a fair chance that it won't be if I leave. To be honest, it is their fault for relying on me to be the expert isn't it? They've dig their own grave.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 22:10

@DoThePropeller

Can you afford to hand your notice in? If so, do it. Life’s too short and it’s a great market to be job hunting in, I’m sure you’ll land something soon.

The other issue is that it is now getting in the way of interviews. I had to make up an excuse to take the day off for one last week which they were very annoyed about.

I have been invited to interview for a role I am really excited about it this week but I simply can't get the time off ☹️ I feel upset about it.

I would be ok financially for a few months. As it happens I've just had a freelance job accepted today so I could maybe do that temporarily.

OP posts:

DoThePropeller · 13/09/2021 22:14

Maybe consider having a chat with them, let them know that you want to leave and if they give you some flexibility then you will wait until you’ve secured a new role, otherwise you will need to start running down your notice period.

I recently supported a team member into a new role elsewhere, she was brilliant and I didn’t want to lose her but I didn’t want to stand in the way of her ambition either. The fact I had a heads up helped me to support her and also recruit before she even formally handed her notice in.

Yesitsbess · 13/09/2021 22:16

If they've engineered this situation themselves then more fool them.

I have never regretted leaving a job I hated. You can get by and you have your freelance project. Life is too short to feel beholden to people who do not give a shiny shit about you.

You've got this.

Submariner · 13/09/2021 22:20

Contact the place where you have been offered the interview and explain that you can't do that time/date. They may be able to squeeze something else in for you - a Zoom call at very beginning or end of day?

Lookingoutside · 13/09/2021 22:26

@Maria53

‘I don't know @Lookingoutside , maybe because they create this culture where you are made to look and feel like a family though it is nonsense. Historically people leave years after they say they want to because they feel like they can't. They just cry about it at Christmas parties.’

DerAlteMann · 13/09/2021 22:30

I'd go. You owe them nothing. If they have set up a major project that could fail simply because one member of a team leaves the company then more fool them. Makes you wonder how much of a long term future the company really has if that's how they go about things. Get out before you are pushed out is my advice.

Lookingoutside · 13/09/2021 22:35

Sorry @Maria53 posted too soon.

I get that, I really do. It sounds like you have a lot to offer to any employer and these people sound like leeches. Abusive and entitled ones. It’s never a great sign when a place of work talks about being a “family”.

You will be snapped up soon enough, you’re able to support yourself for a few months and you had a freelance project agreed today? You’re someone who can call the shots to a certain extent and that is to your credit. This project will probably fail without you but the world won’t end and they may learn a lesson.

Leave, request an exit interview (that will confuse them, if they know what one is ) and tell them why, in detail.

Wandawide · 13/09/2021 22:42

Could you use the situation as leverage to get more respect/promotion?
It seems that you would like to stay there and work through this project if they weren't taking you for granted.
Explain that to them but be prepared to give notice if they turn you down. You are a big girl now. Negotiate.

jackstini · 13/09/2021 22:47

I would be sick/late to make sure you go for the interview you are so excited about!

Your first post did it for me - you HATE it

You don't owe them anything so fine to resign. If they really want you they will offer promotion/pay rise. You can still choose to go after that

Well done on the freelance job - if that could keep you going, I'd jump!

Original poster

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 22:58

@jackstini

I would be sick/late to make sure you go for the interview you are so excited about!

Your first post did it for me - you HATE it

You don't owe them anything so fine to resign. If they really want you they will offer promotion/pay rise. You can still choose to go after that

Well done on the freelance job - if that could keep you going, I'd jump!

@jackstini I feel a low level of simmering anger pretty much all the time that I'm there.

@Wandawide no I don't want to stay. They won't promote me either and I'm unwilling to be assessed by people who have just been promoted into managerial roles when they have zero experience just because both of my managers walked out, they needed to fill the gaps and they are cosy with management. The restructuring has created several new managers and a micro managing nightmare

Sounds dramatic but I feel like my spirit is being quashed every day that im there. Actually I'm starting to talk myself into it...

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 13/09/2021 23:08

@Submariner

I explained the situation. At first they could accommodate me but things have changed and now they can only offer zoom interview an afternoon I am working or a lunchtime phone chat.

I think the phone call will put me at a disadvantage compared to other candidates. I actually was sick so I can't use that excuse again having taken 2 days off.

Last week I used an excuse which annoyed them and they didn't really believe. I really want to do this interview but don't know how without causing myself more stress at work with lying and more excuses.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 13/09/2021 23:13

Life is too short to stay at a shitty job. Hand your notice in and don't give it another thought.

GreenClock · 13/09/2021 23:20

It sounds dismal. Don’t put up with this nonsense. Hand in your notice tomorrow and call in sick (you’ve nothing to lose) on the day of the interview if they make you work your notice.

Original poster

Maria53 · 14/09/2021 00:35

For the interview I'm going to offer a phone call and if that isn't enough then there isn't much I can do right now. I do have annual leave Friday and Monday but it seems to be hard to fit that around their schedule.

The job has lead me to lose confidence and I know this has affected me in interviews although I try so hard. They've taken enough from me over this past year. I have positives I can take but I've already checked out. It's horrible looking around at the empty seats and photos of people who have gone!

I'll give myself a pep talk the night before and just do it.

OP posts:

jackstini · 14/09/2021 12:59

OP - if you've 'already checked out' I would just resign asap and not risk missing the interview with the potential new company or any more detriment to your mental health

You've admitted to yourself you are not going to stay and I honestly think it will be such a weight off your shoulders once you do it!

Original poster

Maria53 · 14/09/2021 18:48

@jackstini my colleague said today she'd heard I would be handing my notice in and begged me to stay/not leave her alone on the project! She is meant to be on the same level as me but does need a bit of hand holding tbh. I feel for her but it's stuff like this that makes me hesitate

I agree it is likely I will feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, I'm just scared of taking the leap!

OP posts:

jackstini · 14/09/2021 18:51

@Maria53 - think of it this way, which would be worse:

Taking the leap
Still being there in a month, especially after others have left...

NoSquirrels · 14/09/2021 18:57

I have been invited to interview for a role I am really excited about it this week but I simply can't get the time off ☹️ I feel upset about it.

Just be sick again. Honestly, they’re not going to sack you, are they? And if they do, eh, you were resigning anyway. I expect you didn’t recover properly from last week’s bug and as you’re under stress the GP has given you a talking to and told you to rest properly…

Alternatively, if you have annual leave Fri/Mon can you rearrange to take the interview day off?

Don’t give up and suck it up whatever you do. They’re not worth it, but Future You most definitely is. Future You will thank Past You for putting up with some arsey comments and disappointment about your sickness record…

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