Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I move away from my friends to a small market town?

28 replies

appleturnovers · 13/09/2021 20:50

I just want to know if I'm making the right decision...

Me and DH and DD (1) currently rent in a very trendy central area of a big city with loads of shops, bars, cafes etc. within 10 minute's walk. We've a close-knit circle of friends and an active social life, although we are far away from family (5 hours away is the closest. My parents live opposite ends of the country from each other and DH's parents live abroad, so we have 3 far-away places to visit, 2-3 times a year each, which is tiring and expensive).

We’ve just been given notice to leave our flat, and there is is absolutely no way we could possibly afford to stay where we currently are due to rising rents and house prices (we eventually want to buy), so the two options we've come up with are:

  1. Move to the very distant outer suburbs of the city we’re in - so we'd technically still be in the city, albeit no longer within walking distance of our friends/the city centre, over an hour away on public transport, plus technically even further for our families to come and visit us as we'd be a long way from the city's central train and coach stations; or
  1. Move to the other side of the country to a small market town, close to one side of my family, slightly easier connections for my DH's parents when they fly over, although 1 hour longer for my other parent to get to us on the train. And we'd have no friends at all nearby.

We are leaning towards moving to the market town, because whilst we'd be further from my mum's side of the family, my dad's side would be within "popping in distance", thus cutting the number of long-distance journeys we have to do every year by a third (leaving us more energy to do the now-slightly-longer trip to see my mum). We also think that if we stayed in our current city, we would have to live so far out in order to afford a house that realistically we probably wouldn't see that much of our friends or enjoy the benefits of living in the city anyway (especially since we've got a baby now and none of our friends have).

But is there any flaw in my reasoning? Is it madness to leave a close-knit friendship group behind? Has anyone else got experience of either moving from city to suburbs, or city to market town? Are there any other pitfalls I haven't considered?

OP posts:
DGFB · 13/09/2021 21:19

We moved to a market town outside London as we couldn’t afford to buy. We knew nobody here but have made plenty of friends, mainly through school and being sociable.
We still see our old pals though obviously not as much.
It can be done and can be lovely but you do need to make an effort with people/ invite them and their kids over

DGFB · 13/09/2021 21:20

Sorry just seen you don’t have children. Often this is an easy way to make friends though the parents. But you can still make friends in other ways!

Ohfurflipsake · 13/09/2021 21:22

If you've a baby you will make friends easily in a new town.... Toddler groups etc.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/09/2021 21:23

I'd go for the market town. This lovely close knit group will have change forces on it in the next 10 years as people want to buy and have children.

IWanderedLonely · 13/09/2021 21:26

Friends come and go. Market town will be a much better childhood for your little one.

PersonaNonGarter · 13/09/2021 21:28

You’ll make friends

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/09/2021 21:29

I’d always move closer to family where possible- your friends will have children, probably move or at the least be busy, so don’t plan your life around them

thecatsthecats · 13/09/2021 21:32

Every single conversation I've had with friends and family after lockdown seems to involve a planned move. Not pipe dream crazy moves, just sensible relocations for them.

It basically nixed my husband's point that we should consider friends and family when moving, because everybody has their own plans! Make the right move for you and the right friendships will survive.

MattyGroves · 13/09/2021 21:35

What about your jobs?

Sagaz · 13/09/2021 21:36

Yes. do it!

FAQs · 13/09/2021 21:41

I moved from London and have regretted it ever since, awful decision, nothing in common with the people through school I met other than a couple, I think you’re either city or not but I’m sure people will disagree.

BendingSpoons · 13/09/2021 21:41

If you stay for friends, you will likely find lots of them do the same in the next few years. Even if they move to the suburbs the other side of the city, they could be 2 hours away. Is it reasonable distance to still visit for a day/stay the night?

Zeal · 13/09/2021 21:44

It really does depend on which market town.

Divebar2021 · 13/09/2021 21:53

It really does depend on which market town

Yes it really does. I come from a small market town and every so often I look at house prices and ponder if I want to move. No I do not. There’s one coffee shop. No nice restaurants that you don’t have to drive to. No bookshop. No clothes shops other than Next. The people are Conservative with a big and small C - I’m a liberal. Not everywhere is fantastically welcoming.

OwlBasket · 13/09/2021 22:01

@Zeal

It really does depend on which market town.
Hell, yes. Also what @Divebar2021 said.

I’ve lived in two awful market towns and one lovely one. Edge of a small city now. Suits us perfectly.

Zeal · 13/09/2021 22:06

It is only people who make places what they are. You can have a beautiful town, at the foothills of majestic hills, flowers, parks and a river running through it. But if the people are narrow and cold you are never going to feel you are at home.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 13/09/2021 22:13

Long term life decisions shouldn't be mainly based on friendship groups. I see it time and again where what looks solid and permanent is unrecognisable in 5 years when people's lives have unfolded and they've been scattered far and wide.
So it's a factor but if this move is likely to be mid term or more of day the friends location should be minimally considered.
That doesn't mean there won't be lots of adjusting, and miss it like heck, if you are no longer near them, but it is rare that friendship groups stay close (geographically) long term

MrsPsmalls · 13/09/2021 22:51

Definitely don't stay for friends. Friends I used to see every day 10 years ago , I see once a year now. People I had not even met 10 years ago are my closest friends now. Do what suits your family and build your friendship groups to fit in. They will do the same.

Didicat · 14/09/2021 08:45

You’ll make friends but with Covid it will take longer…… especially if we get stuck with another lockdown we moved last July 2020 and I was so incredibly lonely. Even making friends at school gates was not easy!

Go where you think your long term future is! We’ve moved from the market town into a village and people are friendly and it’s such a difference. Go for a couple of walks and see what you think I went off reputation but I don’t rate the town at all.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/09/2021 09:33

Agree that it totally depends on the town. I lived for several years in a village equidistant to two market towns which couldn’t have been more different.

One was popular with commuters into the major city 35 miles away due to its location and easy drive in, it was therefore quite cosmopolitan and had many residents who had either moved out of said city or come from other parts of the UK and abroad.

The other was far more more parochial and the sort of place where the majority of residents had lived for literally generations. In many ways it felt like nobody had properly grown up; you’d go into shops and cafes where the staff were in constant spats with each other because of long-standing family disagreements or because they’d been “enemies” at secondary school and had never left that mentality behind. Many people were very inward looking and thought of aforementioned major city 35 miles - which I commuted into daily - as a far off land that they only visited once a year to go Christmas shopping! Utterly strange place.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 14/09/2021 09:40

I am a fan of market towns for bringing up children because they (well at least, the one I grew up in and the one I live in now) seem to be in a sweet spot between being safe enough for children to have freedom at a relatively young age and connected enough that you don’t need to be a taxi for your teenagers.
They do need to be near enough a city for the teenagers to escape from sometimes and for you to go to for specific activities or socializing if your town is too small to find exactly what you want.

campion · 14/09/2021 09:50

Don't stick around for your friends. They'll move on just as you're already going to do, but those who are genuine and close will stay in touch wherever you are.

It sounds like the market town is where you see your future.
It's much easier to make a new life somewhere else when you have small children as you have to get out there and get involved.

StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS · 14/09/2021 09:55

Yeah, I'd do it. I was going to say no way until I saw you can't afford to stay where you are and also that you have family within popping in distance in the new town. Definitely do it!

Fwiw, we moved out of the outskirts of London a few years ago, with a DC a little bit younger than yours and no family nearby. I have found it quite hard to settle. Now I love it, but it has taken years and I still resent the longer journey into London where we have a lot of friends. But it's great for our dcs and we can't afford the same type of space in London or anywhere near it. And we are still able to go into London within about an hour. It was just an adjustment to begin with.

billy1966 · 14/09/2021 10:53

Make the best decision for you as a couple and family.

Don't take into consideration the travel of family either.

Make the best decision taking in the family life you want to make for yourselves.

Is it a nice friendly market town?
Schools?
Facilities?

Work?
Transport?
Secondary school?
Access to a university?

The truth is once you have a family the years just fly and suddenly you are talking university/ third level.

You will make new friends through having children.

Exactly how close are you to tge family in that market town?

Because I wouldn't move for them unless they are so close that they will be a huge support for you and your family.

Look at the best location for you as a family and your future first.Flowers

Original poster
appleturnovers · 14/09/2021 22:50

Thank you all so much for your advice, that's been really reassuring that we're making the right decision!

@FAQs I think you’re either city or not

I definitely agree, and I think deep down I'm just not a big city person. As much as I've loved living here in my 20s, I think I always knew deep down I'd end up back somewhere smaller...

OP posts: