Finding breastfeeding really hard

[Aarti96]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently 5 days pp with my first and really struggling. I had quite a traumatic birth experience, as baby had to be delivered extremely quickly due to meconium in my waters. I ended up with an episiotomy, which has been incredibly painful healing.

I always planned on bf, but I felt I didn’t get enough support from the mw’s in the ward after birth. Baby started to cluster feed on day 2 and I was exhausted after 48 hours of no sleep. Mw’s response was ‘deal with another sleepless night or give him formula’. After 4 hours of feeding I gave in and asked for formula.

Since then, I’ve been trying to do mixed feeding. Expressing where I can and also bf.
However, baby is finding it really difficult to latch now and he gets all worked up and cries when he can’t latch. I’m worried it’s because he’s become used to bottle feeding.

My breasts are also sore and engorged AND I’m not producing enough milk yet to sustain him solely on breast milk, so I feel so stuck right now.
I don’t want to formula feed him but I feel like I have no choice now. I just wish they gave me the support I needed at hospital.

I just feel extremely hopeless and like I will fail as a mother if I don’t keep trying.

If anyone can offer any advice I would be extremely grateful.

It's OK. 5 days in is more than early enough to pull this back.

Get Netflix on, drinks and snacks and some blankets. Strip down to the waist and baby down nappy and just feed, feed, feed. Skin to skin and relaxed. Do this as much as you can and stop the bottles. He might drop a bit of weight but if it stays less than 10% and he is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies he's fine.

Xx

If you can put in the hours, you can (hopefully) get back to where you want to be. 5 days is really early days. As the pp says, get comfy, and dedicate your day to nursing. When he naps, you nap. When he wakes up, you nurse him. Change him when he needs it but otherwise.. Nurse him.

When you say "I'm not producing enough milk to sustain him" what do you mean? What's making you think that? Please don't be fooled by the fact that he nurses constantly. If he's having wet nappies, then he's getting enough milk. You won't run out of milk: as soon as he starts to feed, your body starts producing more.

You can express a little at the start of a feed to make your boob easier for him to latch onto. Also, if he gets worked up, stop trying to force it, get up and wander around, pass him to dad, go for a quick walk / shower / scream in the kitchen - then come back and try again.

I'm sorry I'm not in the UK, so I don't know what the post-partum bf support system is like there. Is there a La Leche group near you, or anything similar? Peer to peer support can be helpful. I remember Kellymom.com being a great resource when mine were babies. Good luck! It's so hard, you'll get there.

Hi - firstly, you are in the super early days - so please don't worry that you have done anything wrong or it's too late to fix.

I found breastfeeding incredibly hard and painful for the first two weeks - with both children - from about 2 weeks on it was a very different experience. So hang on in there.

re. the sleep - have you tried a dummy? I used a dummy with both mine, exclusively breastfed for several months it just helped settle them in the night.

I'm worried you are saying that your baby isn't getting enough milk - at 5 days there really is no way for you to know this - just keep offering the breast and when you get totally exhausted give a dummy or ask partner to take the baby away, swaddle and try to sleep for couple hours.

Im a big fan of mixed feeding but if you can I would wait until breastfeeding established - after the first two weeks or so you will feel more normal it will be less painful and feeds become more regular.

If you give the bottle with formula your body won't get the message to make the milk your baby needs - the sucking is telling your body what to produce.

However, if it helps you sleep - do whatever you need - it's a crazy time.

The most important thing is to try and get real life help. I don't know how covid has changed this - but it was paying for a breastfeeding consultant to come to my house once that massively saved me the second time from giving up. I also went to groups. I don't think I could have kept going without in person help

Another tip this may help - one of my breasts was very very painful so I just stopped feeding from that side. I realised that twin mums must be able to do it with one side - and I could.

My son was 98th percentile on only breastmilk from one boob! So - have faith in your body and boobs - when baby has been sucking and cluster feeding for a v long time, can your partner take them off - v tight swaddle or carry in the sling and try to get to sleep without constant feeding - I do receommend giving the dummy a try - it's a saviour when baby is just so tired and cluster feeding but you need a break. My daughter just suddenly slept with the dummy and I realised she was exhausted.

final tip = midwife told me that for BF to succeed my world had to shrink to me and my baby for first weeks - no visitors, no outings - nothing should be more important. Very wise words and probably why a lot of BF doesn't work out - mums are put under too much pressure

just stay in bed all day feeding

The constant feeding is not because baby isn't getting enough - it's because your body is being stimulated to produce milk.

Hang in there OP - this is the worst bit.

What makes you think you're not producing enough milk? At 5 days your milk could come in at any moment, but I suspect if your baby is crying a lot you maybe haven't yet got the latch quite right. This advice is what helped me:
Cradle your baby in one arm so his head is in the crook of the arm. With your other hand, lift your breast on the baby's side up above his face if you can, and gently place it on top of his nose. Gently bring the breast down his nose until it reaches his mouth. The breast being near his nose should encourage him to root, and something about the downward motion means the breast arrives at the right angle for the baby to latch.
It's very, very early days. You do not need to be panicking yet about supply. If your breasts are engorged it can make it temporarily trickier to latch, but it's a good sign there is milk there.

If your breasts are engorged then you are producing milk. I produced plenty of milk but really struggled expressing with a pump. So I wouldn't judge your supply based on how much you can express.

Latching is hard at the beginning since both you and the baby have to learn how to do it. If you don't have anyone to show you how to hold baby to latch have a look at this

holisticbirthpartner.com/2018/03/31/2018-baby-latching-tips-for-breastfeeding-the-visual-guide-from-the-experts/

What helped me was the right position (I like crosscradle), lots of pillows to support the baby so I didn't have to hold her up and squeezing the nipple before it went in the mouth so I could get it all in easier. Even with the right position your nipples might get sore for a week or two. Mine did even with the second baby . But after about 2 weeks of horror both me and the baby got better at it and then it was just easy to do. Good luck!

As others have said you’re at the hardest point. The constant feeding is to stimulate yet more milk. It does get easier. Do lots of skin to skin and sit down and watch tv.

This really is the toughest bit! 5 days is so early still and your body is establishing a supply and your milks just coming in. What makes you think you're not making enough milk? Constant feeding is normal and not a sign baby isn't getting enough. Wet and dirty nappies are the key indicator at this stage. Breastfed babies do drop weight initially. My first only dropped 7.5% but my second dropped 11% by day 3 and I was in panic mode! I did as posters have suggested here and just fed and fed and fed and by day 5 she's gained 20g and was on her way to regaining to her birth weight again. It's utterly exhausting at first and can be a worrying time too if you're baby has lost weight, but it does get better and can actually be a lovely, relaxing experience (even though Know it doesn't feel that way at the moment!) . You're doing an amazing job so please don't feel bad!

I had lots of problems breastfeeding (eventually resolved with osteopathy) but I did have a big list of people to contact provided by the midwives or health visitors along the way. I had lots of advice. In the end the lady from La Leche was most helpful and she came out to see me.

Ps. YouTube was my friend for help with latching. Lots a great videos and advice on establishing a good latch and different feeding positions.

Hi, congrats on the baby!

Firstly, try arnica gel on the episiotomy to help with healing - it will sting but heals fast

Eat well and drink lots of fluids
Use lansinoh after every feed religiously to protect your nipples
Try feeding lying down so with both of you lying on your sides - I found this the easiest way to feed especially when they are cluster feeding - also when you get more confidence you can have a nap at the same time

Such great advice here but just wanted to add; you are not a failure if you switch to formula. Breastfeeding is hard. I absolutely hated every second of it. Getting cosy and watching Netflix sounds idyllic but it was not my experience. I had a crying baby, sore boobs, painful letdown in my armpits, it felt like razor blades and I was so spaced out from giving birth and in pain that I wasn't 'cosy' or 'relaxed'
Stopping was the best thing I did for me, my mental health and my baby.
Second baby I bf for longer as the latch was better but I still detested feeding and switched at 3 months. Again, so happy with my choice xx

Breastfeeding is hard - I found it tricky to get established. Well done for sticking with it! I agree with pp that you need to accept that feeding will be the main thing you do for a little while. Find some good TV and having plenty to drink on hand (I always got very thirsty when feeding). Send someone out for decent nipple cream. Use pillows to get as comfy as possible.

The skin to skin time and the close contact will be wonderful for your little one.

If you can get through this spell then breastfeeding becomes the most convenient option. I was grateful never to have the faff of getting bottles ready. But you have to commit time early on.

Maybe ask your health visitor if they can put you in touch with a peer supporter. They can be very good.

I'd really recommend contacting your local La Leche League for free advice from trained breastfeeding supporters. They are wonderful.

There's also the fabulous National Breastfeeding Helpline on 03001000212.

Also ask the midwives for a referral to the local infant feeding team.

If you can afford it a consultation with an IBCLC (lactation consultant) is well worth it. Best £150 I ever spent. I went from a baby that couldn't latch st all at a week old still feeding nearly 18 months later thanks to the help from mine.

Keep going, this is the hardest bit but with the right support you should be able to get back on track x

You can also hire a medala breast pump which will give you some relief... and make latching a bit easier when they are not totally engorged....

I had this with my first baby absolutely awful at latching on and we didn't have a good experience with bf

He was formula fed and is now a big strapping teen so wouldn't worry too much about formula

Second child is as way easier I think he just had a bigger mouth!

1. Breastfeeding is horrendously hard and no one talks about it. I’ve had BF support from day 1. It took 2 days for DS to latch and even then it was such a poor latch I ended up with cracked, blistered and bleeding nipples.
2. I believe, on guidance from my breastfeeding support and GP, that nipple confusion is a myth. Stay calm (baby will respond to you) and do skin to skin. You could try a cup instead of a bottle if you’re worried.
3. Hand express if engorged, doesn’t need to be much to feel relief. It can take 6 weeks for supply to establish. If you want to EBF then putting baby to breast and having them suck will get your supply going.
4. Formula will keep your baby fed, a fed baby is the most important thing. I did all the “wrong” things: formula, pumping in the first two weeks (nipples needed a rest), bottle etc. DS is fine. (My supply is fine and I now EBF at 9 weeks, I didn’t think this would be possible and had it not been DS would have had formula)
5. You are doing a great job! The fact you’re worried about these things proves you’re not failing. Keep trying, because it’s clear that’s what you want, but if you end up moving to formula that’s a perfect way to feed your baby. Using formula doesn’t make you a failure.
6. Join a BF support group. Leche League is also great for resources.

I still hate breastfeeding by the way and it’s still uncomfortable.

I breastfed mine for ages, but my first one seemed to know what she was doing, which, as I didn't was a great help. I'm not sure how long I'd have continued with my second if I hadn't been experienced.

Tips that helped me:
Make sure their tongue is under the nipple, not on top.
When your breast is engorged it can be hard for them to fit enough in. Squeeze your nipple a little (may be a bit painful) and try and make it a bit flat and then get their mouth on it. You want to get as much of the brown area in their mouth as possible.
If you can (I was really bad at this) see if you can squeeze a little of the milk out first, and rub it over the nipple. It helps it not to get sore, and also helps the baby.

Also, check they haven't tongue tie as that can effect their feeding.

But do contact La Leche-they may be able to send someone round, but certainly will talk on the phone.

And lastly: if it doesn't work, then don't beat yourself up. You've done your best and they've had the first milk which is fantastic. It doesn't matter in the great scheme of things.

I can't say anything better than previous pps. But I just wanted to reiterate what an esrlier poster said about 2 weeks. I am currently breastfeeding by 3rd and all 3 have been horribly painful (no tongue tie, perfect latch), blisters etc for the first 10 days but by 2 weeks everything has healed.

This baby fed all night every night for the first 2 weeks. It wss hell. But you will make it through and it does settle down, she is only 8 weeks and for weeks has been sleeping really well.

Multi mam compresses, kept in the fridge, are a life saver in the early days.

Forget midwife and please get onto your local breastfeeding group to check latch, get advice/support etc.

If you want to keep this going then you can. It is tricky in the early days but I promise the convenience later makes it worthwhile.

Lots of good advice here that I couldn’t put better. My milk didn’t even come in until day 5 so still really early days for you but I know it seems like forever! I struggled a bit with latch at the start but had loads of help from Bf support (through the nhs) which was really helpful. Lansinoh and nipple shields helped when it was really painful. I also got so engorged that I had to express a bit out first so baby was able to latch on. Good luck

Hi @Aarti96 it is really common to struggle early on. You have great advice on here. I'd add two things - if you're local La leche league can't help, West London branch (use W5 postcode) is open to anyone joining whilst they're all online. They are amazing. www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

And if you end up mixed feeding on an ongoing basis or even not bf at all you are still an amazing mum and your baby will be absolutely fine.

If you would still like to try I think you can do it! I found it so difficult but once we had both got the knack we were away. I found it hard for DS to latch and a tip I was given was to aim the nipple to the roof of his mouth. Eventually he would root and find it himself.

But if you find it too distressing dont be upset. The modern formulas are fantastic and as long as your baby is fed it doesn't matter.

Wow I am absolutely blown away by everyone’s replies!!!!! Thank you so much for the useful advice.

We seemed to have turned a corner to over the past couple of days and I’m finding breastfeeding SO much easier now.

I had a midwife visit yesterday and she helped me work on my latch and now I feel much more confident and my milk supply has officially come in!!! Baby is currently feeding as we speak.

It’s a relief to know I’ve gotten past the worst part :)

Thanks again for the advice everyone- what an amazing platform.

Glad it's going well!

My top tips are nipple shields and nappies. I used nipple shields from day 5 with DD as my breasts were really engorged and she struggled to latch. My nipples were also blistered and it was very painful and the nipple shields helped with both those issues. DD decided when she was around 5 months that she didn't want them anymore and fed without them no problems. I used cut in half nappies as breast pads in the early days as I leaked so much and they were super absorbent.

Glad it's going better. BFing my first was one of the most relentless things I've ever done. I found it really bloody tough for about 6 weeks, and after that it was fine and I was so grateful that it then swung to being the easier option, no milk prep, planning feeds if you're going out etc.