Lockdown My son seems to be in a depressive state

[beachhead]

Collected my 21yearold son from university in May this year after last seeing him at Christmas.
A 4 hour drive to Leeds then to my shock my son opened the door, he had wasted away, his hair and beard was long. His appearance was awful. A baggy sweatshirt looked 4 sizes too big on him.
I run to hug him and said iet's get you home.

He has always been a bright student attaining high results at his grammar school in IB, Exams never daunted him.Attending a Russell group university , he was on track 1st class degree.

At Christmas he visited with his girlfriend everything seemed great. He told us he was now finished with her.
He had been so busy before lockdown, he was president of a university archery club, and training with the University army officer Corp.

When we got him home to my amazement he demanded to be taken to a&e because he said he was dehydrated. I couldn't believe it. He then started drinking pints of water continually taking glasses to his room. Strange behaviour continues now, breathing issues, skin problems,! He has had numerous blood tests at the hospital all negative results.

Family meals out, he drops out at the last minute!
During the summer in May he would sit at table at our home BBQ and not say a word!

I sit in my mums garden he cries!

We had a family holiday in Isle Wight in holiday park. He argues with his younger brother and totally ignored us for a day. Choosing to stay in a static caravan instead of visiting Shanklin beach in the sunshine.

I have given a small example of extraordinary behaviour here.

I have just retired early thinking ill l be sailing for off in the sunset from a professional career working in public sector . My partner has battled cancer now I'm feeling like I'm walk g on eggshells with my son.

He has deferred his final exams!

He has now finally got a part time job, but lounges around the house tired all the time. He doesn't met up with friends.

I'm at my breaking point what can I do ?

Can anyone help me ? I can't take him to Dr. He won't take medicine!
He's waiting on army officer training in London now in January.

I have no advice but didn’t want to read and ignore. Bump. Hopefully someone will give better advice than me. Stay strong OP.

Definitely sounds like depression but I’m also wondering if he might have health anxiety? Some of the things you’ve described - the obsession with having water, strange unexplained physical symptoms etc, they made me wonder about those issues.

Has he had Covid that you know of? A friend of mine’s son was badly impacted by it for a long time, he was physically very tired, add to that the isolation of lockdown and not having as much to occupy his mind. He was constantly panicking about not being able to breathe and being dehydrated because he’d been short of breath and dehydrated when he was ill. Time helped, as well as reopening, but also a few sessions with a CBT therapist.

If he has lost a lot of weight, has he had tests for vitamin deficiencies? Some of those can mimic signs of depression.

We have had similar although not as severe issues with our DS following depression. I found this website really helped www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/ages-and-stages/adult-children/

I also found it easier to deal with when I stopped trying to make his problems my own (which is really difficult as a parent). The way I framed it was to give him the support and tools to help himself but knowing it had to be his decision.

Pineapple
Thanks so much for your ideas.

He is at last stopping the water drinking, still convinced he had breathing problems.

As for covid19, we'll girlfriend had it after Christmas, but he says he tested negative on numerous tests, so I really don't know.

I just hope the little job he's just started at Dunelm , gets him back to soaking of normality & breaks him out of this zombie world!

Food wise hd eats ud out of house and home! Weight loss is not an issue thankfully now.

I will look into catching, but it's cannabis at the end of day I believe I'll check this

Thank you 😊

Did they test for diabetes?
Drinking lots and weight loss.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/diabetes/

Thank you wilderness
I'm checking the helpline now.

I hope he is turning around, he's started at this new job which we hope will structure his day at least.

I'm feeling very stressed though, I fi try yo just get on with my own life. I started doing upholstery during lockdown which my ds actually designed a fb page for and put me online.
Now I'm so busy with orders , thank goodness it helps me escape!

Regards

Hi hs
OK thanks I'll check if he was tested.

Honestly they tested for a lot, even HIv, Honestly you can't imagine what I've been going through

But I really appreciate the help

Hairbrush
Thanks x 😘

It's a stressful time for me, just hoping things pick up for my ds

Hi OP, if everything physical has been tested for (were tests done immediately after returning home or a while later?) then your DS's behaviour might be more related to mental health.

Has he opened up at all? You could try asking him for example if he's had any traumatic experiences at uni? Or does he have a close friend he can talk to?

Thanks Fab
Yes he is now working thank goodness, at least he is going out the house.

He got a job at Matalan after bring invited to interview. I actually persuaded him to go and drove him there.

Unbelievable they said they'd let him know in a week, after he lef them know availability but head office phoned him the next day.

We have been on edge worrying that he wouldn't bother even going! I even walked up to the shop to check his car was there!

I just hope this will give him a structure to his week, and help him get on track again.

He actually went out last night too hooray!