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Original poster

If you had known then what you know now, would you still have children?

51 replies

madkittylady · 10/09/2021 23:38

So I have been chatting with my best friend tonight and we came to this conclusion.

If we had known (almost 20 years ago) how shit the world would get i.e social media, global warming etc. would we still have had our children?

We both have adult children/older teens and I have an 11 year old and what sort of life is it for them? My 11 year is already obsessed with how she looks and it just makes me feel so sad.

We both decided that if we knew them what we know now, we 100% wouldn't have children. Are we being unusual?

Disclaimer - didn't want to post this in AIBU as it's brutal over there!

OP posts:

Southlandssue · 11/09/2021 10:29

@Kite22 I think there is a certain amount of truth in seeing the world differently when you have kids but my DH and I did consider things like the environment and how life would be for them quite carefully before having a child in the first place. I think the thing that makes me saddest is it feels like the number of opportunities for this generation is reducing rather than increasing.

mindutopia · 11/09/2021 11:19

Yes, definitely. I think you're seeing this through a very narrow lens. The world has always had horrible stuff going on. I was born in 1980. The Cold War was raging, then we had AIDS and people panicking that they might get it from using a public toilet (obviously that's not possible, but in the first 5-6 years we genuinely didn't know) or not wanting to send their children to school, then the first Gulf War. Certainly, when I was a teen in the early 90s, girls were obsessed with their looks, had eating disorders, were self-harming, lots of peer pressure, etc. Apart from concerns about climate change (which is obviously really worrying and increasingly so), I'm not sure much has changed. If anything, I think social media does create an outlet for people to connect and find support that we certainly didn't have in the 90s.

romdowa · 11/09/2021 11:26

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and it's honestly never crossed my mind. I grew up watching about the troubles in ni on the telly , then 9/11 . There will always be issues in the world that parents will have to help their children navigate but all you can do is your best to build resilience. I've been given more shit for having a baby in a pandemic 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Dinkydonk55 · 11/09/2021 11:28

Honestly….I would have had less children. Yes because of the reasons you’ve given but also because of the emotional support that they (girls) are needing as they get older and navigate this world. I think I’m spread too thinly and I can’t imagine life without the 3 of them so it’s hard to contemplate, but I would advise someone else to stop at 2 so they can be focused on more.

DayDate · 11/09/2021 11:32

It puzzles me when people tall about "the state of the world today". In the first half of the 20th Century (the world my GPs knew) we had two world wars with millions dead, a depression so deep 1000s were queuing for food, no free healthcare, education stopped for many by 12/14, industrial accidents that couldn't happen today, no employment rights, babies of unmarried women just disappeared.....

What's so bad about today, by comparison?

twinningatlife · 11/09/2021 11:33

Honestly there are so Many of these threads and I'm not entirely convinced that they aren't posted by people pushing a childfree agenda

I don't regret my children for one milli second and Id have more if I could but I lost 7 babies nearly died twice from ectopics and went through many rounds of IVF and perhaps that makes a difference

TheChosenTwo · 11/09/2021 11:46

Bloody hell @ParkheadParadise - I wasn’t expecting to read that. I’m so so sorry for what you and your family have had to endure.

To answer the OP I think yes, I would still have had children. They’ve taught me to be a better person and I turned my whole life around the day I found out I was a surprising 7 months pregnant.
They’ve been the making of me and we have tried to bring them up focusing on the fact that there is far more good in the world than evil and to never judge themselves based on someone else’s measure of success, they’re our fundamentals.
I can’t imagine how my life would have turned out if I hadn’t had them to be honest.

CreepingDeath · 11/09/2021 11:47

I don't have children, for my own personal reasons, but I would never not have had them because the state of the world.

As PP have said, people have had children during world wars, famine etc. And they managed. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but life never is.

I grew up in the 80's and had a nice childhood, but if you look back at news stories from then it was awful. There will always be horrible shit happening somewhere, there is no such thing as a perfect world. People just ruminate on it now more than before.

Also, in the 90's there were heroin chic supermodels and Playboy bunnies, Baywatch so fake boobs etc. I was a teenager then and there was certainly pressure to look a certain way, self harming etc. This generation just have their own version of that.

If you can love your kids and give them a good life then go for it.

peridito · 11/09/2021 11:51

If I could turn the clock back I wouldn't have a child ,not even I Think ,with a different and more mature partner .

I worry too much and am also very selfish ,better off on my own .

mistermagpie · 11/09/2021 11:53

Yes I would, but I will admit that I'm quite a 'live in the moment' person and never think too far ahead about either my or the kids lives. I think there have always been threats really but people's desire to recreate tends to override worry about them. Just look at the babies born during wartime etc.

AnnieLobeseder · 11/09/2021 11:55

No I would not. The research is showing that most gen-z kids wish they'd never been born as they don't see any future for themselves in this fucked-up world. And I have to confess that I don't much enjoy being a mother. I'm very glad that nowadays more people seem to be giving serious thought to whether they reproduce, rather than it just being the default option for everyone.

I also feel overwhelming guilt for being alive and contributing to the enormous western carbon footprint that's killing the rest of the world. So perhaps it's a good thing I do have kids, as I might well seriously consider removing myself from this poor overpopulated planet if I didn't have to look after them.

EventOfTheSeason · 11/09/2021 11:58

Yes I'd still have DC. But I'd have had her earlier and had one more (if I could). Of course the world worries me but these kids are the ones who will change it ( or so I tell myself).

Meruem · 11/09/2021 13:34

For me it’s not about the world, it’s about how much my 2 have struggled. DS (32) has ASD and DD is currently undergoing assessment for ADHD (at 30 yrs old!). They have both had awful problems with not fitting in, depression etc. They’ve had jobs but neither is “sorted”. DS doesn’t want a romantic relationship at all and DD has struggled with hers. They find life hard.

I love them dearly and have had wonderful times with them. They’re lovely people. But I feel almost a sense of guilt that I brought them into the world and now they have to try and navigate it. I worry for when I’m gone as they father has passed on, no real other close family. And, honestly, I find it hard that I still have to provide so much emotional support at this point. I’m tired and it would be lovely to just think about myself for a while. But I’m not sure that will ever be the case. But then I feel selfish for thinking that way. It’s tough.

Member278307 · 11/09/2021 13:45

No I would not.

IAmASpiderPlant · 11/09/2021 14:00

I have two children. One has just finished university the other is in their GCSE year.

I've considered this a lot and, no, I wouldn't have had them. I have huge guilt that they only exist because of me and I don't like the world I've brought them into.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 11/09/2021 14:29

No. My child is an adult. She's experienced a lot of suffering. I knew it would be risky bringing someone into the world and decided I'd do it anyway. Now, I think it is cruel.

Spaceformetoo · 11/09/2021 14:38

Every generation faces a new set of challenges, it’s nothing new.

I would absolutely have still had DS(6) - to think he didn’t exist doesn’t bear thinking about.

UsedUpUsername · 11/09/2021 14:52

@DayDate

What's so bad about today, by comparison?

Right? It’s alI about what might happen or what could happen … without acknowledging that right now is very very likely the best time to be alive as a human being than ever before

UsedUpUsername · 11/09/2021 14:55

The research is showing that most gen-z kids wish they'd never been born as they don't see any future for themselves in this fucked-up world

lol I don’t believe you.

I also feel overwhelming guilt for being alive and contributing to the enormous western carbon footprint

Why? This is the reason things are so good

lljkk · 11/09/2021 19:11

I don't feel the "state of the world" is worse now than at any particular point in the last 200 yrs.

1998 seemed especially good, Peace broke out in Norn. But at same time the Taliban were really firming up their control & bin Laden was planning his evils.

Poetrypatty · 11/09/2021 19:38

Yes I would. The good and bad times come and go and I do have faith in the younger generations. Things are tough just now with the pandemic but I think we will have better times in about 5 or 6 years from now. Also, on a personal level having dcs has been the best thing I have ever done and made life better overall.

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 11/09/2021 20:07

My pregnancy broke my body. Even now years later parts of me are still going wrong. Had I know my life would be like this then no. I wouldn’t have had a baby.

sadsack987 · 11/09/2021 20:25

Christ yes. Best thing I ever did - they bring me so much joy. Not always easy but my life is a thousand percent better now they are in it.

jessieb90 · 11/09/2021 20:51

Me and my friends have also spoken about this OP - we have a range of ages from 3 months to 8 years old. The world is such a scary place at times and the thought of all the dangers they potentially could encounter, or how the world could potentially turn out is extremely frightening but to me it's all what ifs and could be's a lot of the time and I'd much rather risk raising a family that I can give unconditional love to, and try to protect them as much as I can then let fear mean I would never experience being called mummy and say I love you or seeing my DS play his first footfall match or graduate. Maybe that's selfish of me but I would still bring children into this world and plan on continuing to do so. The world would have to majorly take a turn for the worse for me to not bring another child into the world.

Also I'm so, so sorry for your lose @ParkheadParadise

user908768543 · 11/09/2021 20:57

I think it's rather dramatic and that every generation thinks the world is deteriorating but I think it's just changing, as it always does. Granted we need to take action on climate change but it doesn't make me regret having kids. I think you're unusual, no one I know thinks life has essentially become worthless because of social media and the like.

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