And I’m terrified …
I came home two and a half years due to my own ill health (mental health) - I was studying, I took a very public nervous breakdown and was sent home in early 2019 .
I’ve been having very good therapy for the last nine months (it took that long to get any support) , been diagnosed with cptsd and OCD and put on the right pathway for long term treatment . My therapist was absolutely wonderful and explained so much to me .
Circumstances at home are difficult to say the least and since coming home I’ve become mums full time carer . She does hardly anything now and expects me to do everything for her .
I managed to get back to uni in Jan of this year online . Passed all my exams with distinction . So clearly this is a course I can do; if my head is in the right place .
Uni’s now returning to some face to face and I feel I need to move back and see how I get on . My therapist, GP, closest friend feel I can do this .
Social and GP are involved with mum; they’ve told me they want me to move out so they can assess mums needs when she’s independent and if she needs help she’ll get it . Her problems are all mental health; being her carer as a child was what partly caused my issues - not mums fault - PTSD in childhood .
I’m leaving here early tomorrow, I know I need to go, my stuffs all packed waiting to load up the car in the morning (if it’ll fit) but I’m so so worried . I keep feeling waves of guilt, panic, fear for my mum - it could go either way, she might manage great but she might really struggle and then what do I do ? I’ll be 250 miles away . Mums GP said I can phone them anytime, I can phone social work, mum has a community alarm too, but I’m so so worried .
How can I get through saying goodbye to mum tomorrow and getting in the car? Once I’m down there I think I’ll realise I just have to go with it and get on with things, but leaving is feeling almost impossible tonight .