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I’m moving out of my mums tomorrow

11 replies

schwaneverstressed · 10/09/2021 22:06

And I’m terrified …

I came home two and a half years due to my own ill health (mental health) - I was studying, I took a very public nervous breakdown and was sent home in early 2019 .

I’ve been having very good therapy for the last nine months (it took that long to get any support) , been diagnosed with cptsd and OCD and put on the right pathway for long term treatment . My therapist was absolutely wonderful and explained so much to me .

Circumstances at home are difficult to say the least and since coming home I’ve become mums full time carer . She does hardly anything now and expects me to do everything for her .

I managed to get back to uni in Jan of this year online . Passed all my exams with distinction . So clearly this is a course I can do; if my head is in the right place .

Uni’s now returning to some face to face and I feel I need to move back and see how I get on . My therapist, GP, closest friend feel I can do this .

Social and GP are involved with mum; they’ve told me they want me to move out so they can assess mums needs when she’s independent and if she needs help she’ll get it . Her problems are all mental health; being her carer as a child was what partly caused my issues - not mums fault - PTSD in childhood .

I’m leaving here early tomorrow, I know I need to go, my stuffs all packed waiting to load up the car in the morning (if it’ll fit) but I’m so so worried . I keep feeling waves of guilt, panic, fear for my mum - it could go either way, she might manage great but she might really struggle and then what do I do ? I’ll be 250 miles away . Mums GP said I can phone them anytime, I can phone social work, mum has a community alarm too, but I’m so so worried .

How can I get through saying goodbye to mum tomorrow and getting in the car? Once I’m down there I think I’ll realise I just have to go with it and get on with things, but leaving is feeling almost impossible tonight .

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 10/09/2021 22:09

You can absolutely do this. Think of this as honoring your Mum...not as abandoning her.

Her MH issues are not yours and they're not yours to solve. Your job is to do your best in your studies and to look after yourself. If your Mum didn't have MH problems she'd be thrilled at the way you've sorted yourself out and recovered.

Take tomorrow one step at a time...don't think ahead. It will come and then it will be over...and you'll be on your way to your next success.xx

Boredof2020 · 10/09/2021 22:12

Good luck, you can absolutely do this xx

BlackIsQueen · 10/09/2021 22:14

Please go tomorrow. I made similar efforts with my mum and am right back here at 51 looking after her and everything in the house just like I did as a kid. And dying of resentment in the process. Even have PTSD from my childhood too. Please don't be like me. Don't sacrifice your precious life on caring. If you step back now you will regret it for the rest of your life. Go and fall in love with your life, be brilliant and triumph over this shit.

schwaneverstressed · 10/09/2021 22:20

@BlackIsQueen

Please go tomorrow. I made similar efforts with my mum and am right back here at 51 looking after her and everything in the house just like I did as a kid. And dying of resentment in the process. Even have PTSD from my childhood too. Please don't be like me. Don't sacrifice your precious life on caring. If you step back now you will regret it for the rest of your life. Go and fall in love with your life, be brilliant and triumph over this shit.
❤️ that’s what GP said to me, that I’d end up resenting mum in the long run if I don’t break away while I’ve got the option . I’m sorry you’ve gone through what sounds very similar . It’s very hard Flowers

I’ll go, I think I absolutely have to try - GP/therapist said if worst comes to worst and I can’t cope at all and end up back in the cycle of panic attacks/hiding away indoors then I can come home and they’ll patch me up but I won’t get the chance to do this degree ever again - if I walk out I lose all credits for what I’ve studied so far and wouldn’t be able to afford the costs (government fully funding me at present) .

OP posts:
BlackIsQueen · 10/09/2021 23:06

Atta girl, everything you want is on the other side of this one moment of bravery. ❤️

RainbowToes · 10/09/2021 23:19

Go for it OP!

shapes1 · 10/09/2021 23:34

F

Twatterati · 11/09/2021 04:56

I hope all goes well today OP. "Goodbyes" are awful anyway, without so much additional worry and emotion, but you have fought so hard for this and need to go.

Focus on your self and your studies, your future - you CAN do this and we are all wishing you well!

You deserve this and every other success xx

HeartvsBrain · 11/09/2021 05:39

I just wanted to say GooLuck OP, anf that you can do this.

I am a disabled mum to adult children, and I would never want them to miss out on anything in life, especially not because of me. Your mum may not be able to think properly because of her mental health condition, but please believe me that if she could, she would want you to strive for and succeed in all your hopes and desires.

PerseverancePays · 11/09/2021 10:52

Sounds like a mountainous day . I find it helpful to break it down into very small chunks and only focus on one at a time so I get less overwhelmed. As others have said, your mother would want you to go if she had the capacity to verbalise it. Wishing you an amazing journey.

Motnight · 11/09/2021 10:53

Good luck for today, Op.

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