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Toddler hitting the baby

6 replies

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 10/09/2021 20:55

Need ideas/suggestions on managing my DDs recent behaviour towards DS.
My DD is 2 1/2, my DS is 10 months.
At first she was pretty gentle with him, over the past few weeks she seems to be becoming more and more violent towards him.
He's been crawling since 7 months so it's unlikely that.
I feel like the shift may have occurred when the baby bit me whilst breastfeeding and I told him 'no biting'. DD has now started biting me occasionally (whilst laughing) and bit DSs thumb very hard. I now do not react if the baby bites me so as to not draw attention to it.
Now daily she tries to ride on his back, stand on his back, tries to force him onto the floor by pushing his head down, grabs his clothes. Today she pushed him over and he banged his head.
She will intentionally lay down near the baby so he grabs at her hair, which she finds hilarious (I don't, she hardly has any hair as it is without the baby pulling out handfuls). I end up trying to wrestle them away from each other and make a point of telling the baby 'no hair pulling'. But maybe she feels justified in being rough back? As if it's all one big game?
I feel like I can't turn my back for a second or be too far away from them both because she's unpredictable.
It's annoying because he absolutely adores her, and she can be so lovely and caring towards him too.
I just feel so bad, she never had to put up with this as a baby and it breaks my heart to see him hurt.
She's usually a very gentle girl. She's never bit, hit, pushed another child outside of the home and is a very sociable girl at play centres and nursery.
When we are out and about she's fine, but when we are home it's a nightmare. And it can't be boredom. For example, we were at a soft play place today and had lunch etc, we were out of the house for 5 hours, got home and within 10-15 minutes she's being awful to him 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ send help... and wine!

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 10/09/2021 20:58

It sounds as if she wants to play - and it must be weird for her if she thinks it's hilarious when he grabs her hair, but you give her the message that it hurts or is wrong. Because presumably, if it doesn't hurt her, she will assume what she does to the baby doesn't hurt either?

She is very little to be able to understand how much things hurt. It's so much easier to say 'we never do x' than to say 'well ... sometimes x is ok but only gently,' isn't it?

Do you model games she can play with him? Like getting her to do peekaboo and praising her lots for making him laugh?

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 10/09/2021 21:07

@SarahAndQuack

It sounds as if she wants to play - and it must be weird for her if she thinks it's hilarious when he grabs her hair, but you give her the message that it hurts or is wrong. Because presumably, if it doesn't hurt her, she will assume what she does to the baby doesn't hurt either?

She is very little to be able to understand how much things hurt. It's so much easier to say 'we never do x' than to say 'well ... sometimes x is ok but only gently,' isn't it?

Do you model games she can play with him? Like getting her to do peekaboo and praising her lots for making him laugh?

I just don't get how it can't hurt. He pulls out clumps of hair at times. So I feel like I can't just leave them to it (although the baby is becoming less grabby thankfully). I do think at times it's a game/playing, but then when she's pushing his head and pushing him over she means it. Yes we play lots, she can be really good at playing with him, they play peekaboo and have baths together where they splash each other. She does want him to join in a lot of games (like her favourite is hide and seek, but then she will say is DS turn to go and hide), so I try get him joining in by hiding him/with him. Actually, when I point out his is enjoying something or making him laugh is when she seems to suddenly switch from play mode to hurting him. I just don't want to get my reaction wrong and I'm not sure I'm handling any of this right. I didn't expect the fighting to start so early 🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
Emelene · 10/09/2021 21:13

Following for advice! I have a 10 month old and an almost 3 year old. We have had proper hitting and shoving of the baby here too today. I find it heartbreaking, he’s so innocent and doesn’t understand and can’t fight back. Sad But then my toddler is just frustrated so it’s hard to know how to help.

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loafcake · 10/09/2021 21:17

I'm due a baby by the time my daughter will be 2 1/2 so I don't have advice from myself!
But we do follow an amazing account on instagram called Big Little Feelings, all about toddler behaviours and how to deal with it as well as why they do it. We've been reading up on what to do in cases like this (newborn baby or older baby) and they've been really helpful so far. Might be worth a look for you? Also great for everything else toddler!

https://instagram.com/biglittlefeelings?utmmedium=copyy_link

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 10/09/2021 21:19

@Emelene

Following for advice! I have a 10 month old and an almost 3 year old. We have had proper hitting and shoving of the baby here too today. I find it heartbreaking, he’s so innocent and doesn’t understand and can’t fight back. Sad But then my toddler is just frustrated so it’s hard to know how to help.
Sorry to hear your having similar troubles. It is reassuring though to know I'm not the only one struggling with it. My DD is the loveliest girl. So happy and easy going. Just can't understand the change in her or how to handle it properly. The baby is a big lad really and she's a dot of a thing so I should imagine in another few months he will be giving as good as he gets. He just forgives her in seconds and his eyes light up when she plays with him. He thinks she hilarious. Hopefully it's just a small blip 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
pinkdot · 10/09/2021 21:44

Sounds like what goes on in my house! I have a 2 1/2 year old DD and 8 month old DS. She hated him at first and then grew to like him (thank god). She keeps trying to ride on his back and play 'horsey' - he is a big baby (both weigh 2 stone and can fit in each other's clothes).
I've tried to make a big point to her about being nice and playing with her little brother... if he cries I get her to come with me and we give him a toy and I'll praise her for being so lovely to her little brother and now she loves 'looking after him' getting him toys and cuddles ect.

The hair pulling thing is a weird one though, my DD will lie in front of DS so he pulls her hair... 🤷‍♀️ baffles me!
I have also put her in nursery for 2 mornings a week to get used to playing/socialising with other children (goodbye maternity pay 😭)

It's usually just a phase they go through though but I would definitely use the 'you're such an amazing big sister' attitude when she does something nice and never leave her near him alone Halo

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