Who would you choose for one date.

[Rosscameasdoody]

If you could choose to have just one date with anyone - someone famous, someone from your own life, past, present, alive or dead - who would it be, why and what would you do on that date ? Needn’t be just one - post as many as you want.

I’ll start the ball rolling. It would be my late husband. A walk along the beach in late summer. The reason would be to say all the things we never got to say at the end.

James Joyce , me and him in Dublin. I’d ask what the feck did it all Mean James

Do you have some outstanding questions to ask your late dh @Rosscameasdoody

@EspressoDoubleShot. Not questions as such, it’s difficult to explain. It was a little over four years ago - had a very late, shock, lung cancer diagnosis after collapsing at home. He was put on a ventilator and sedated. Apart from a very brief period when they lightened the sedation, we couldn’t communicate and even then, only sign language and hand squeezing as he was in and out of consciousness. He passed away a couple of days later without ever knowing the diagnosis. I had the oddest feeling that I owed him an explanation of what had happened and I often wonder how he felt and what went through his mind in the brief time he was conscious. So much was left unsaid. I haven’t explained it very well, and what prompted the thread was that it’s his birthday today and he’s been on my mind more. Thank you for asking.

Gosh that’s hard,and art such a speed too. I understand about the unresolved explanation and outstanding things to be said. It’s very emotional and deep. A birthday will of course trigger. What’s important is in an acute physical crisis you were able to see your husband and you had a physical and emotional presence. Never underestimate the profound reassurance of proximity of a loved person for the unwell individual. It’s hard because essentially you’re left with the imponderable what ifs

The One That Got Away.
To thank him for loving and respecting me and never once making me feel bad..

@EspressoDoubleShot

Gosh that’s hard,and art such a speed too. I understand about the unresolved explanation and outstanding things to be said. It’s very emotional and deep. A birthday will of course trigger. What’s important is in an acute physical crisis you were able to see your husband and you had a physical and emotional presence. Never underestimate the profound reassurance of proximity of a loved person for the unwell individual. It’s hard because essentially you’re left with the imponderable what ifs

Thank you, that’s very comforting. I never thought of it that way. The nursing staff encouraged me to talk to him - said the sedation only put him just under the surface of consciousness and he would still hear even if he couldn’t respond, so I hope my just being there gave him reassurance. And you’re right, it’s the imponderable what ifs that still trouble me - always will.

Without a doubt your presence and talking to dh will have been a comfort. Your proximity, presence,words they all genuinely mean something and are registered. Even when sedated and nonverbal he’ll have known you were there. He simply can’t verbally acknowledge but he can understand and process.