15 months old behaviour at music group

[Cece87]

Hi all,

I just took my 15 month old to a music group. I spent most of my time chasing around and apologising to other mums for him trying to take their musical instruments, his own he just threw across the room. All the others were just sat on their parents laps playing nicely and listening to the music. My son doesn’t seem to take much interest, just runs up and down until he find something throw. Is this normal?! I’ve worked with kids for many years and I don’t remember seeing this behaviour before with any that I’ve looked after personally and it’s worrying me.
Thanks in advance!

Both my children have described the two ways you have described in different settings. When they were happy and comfortable at the setting they ran around and when they were more nervous they sat on my lap and didn’t move. I think it’s a good sign really.

My DS was exactly the same, I remember taking him to rhyme time at the library and having to leave after 15 minutes, mortified, as he'd spent the whole time pulling every book he could reach off the shelves and screaming his head off every time I'd try to move him away from them. He's also very active - those sit and listen groups were not just for him!

I was 'that mum' at these groups for sure..!

Ha, don't worry! DD wouldn't have sat down and played with instruments at that age, and even less chance of her doing it now. They don't understand what they're supposed to be doing (or what you'd like them to do) at that age and they'll just do what they want! Sounds like he had fun anyway, even if you didn't!

Remember its a self selecting group. The ones who’s children like to sit and listen will go to this group. Those with children who like to run about /dance/tumble will choose other activities. So he isn’t “different”, you are just seeing one type of child in that particular group.

I had one like that
I was often at my wits end
He soon enough became a sloth like grunting teenager who wouldn't move an inch
He's now a delightful and chilled young adult

My DS was the same! He was one of the older ones so many of the others were only just walking or still crawling whereas he would charge around the back of the hall after about 10 mins.

I think it's perfectly normal! I always felt a bit conspicuous though!

My three were little dashers too, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I came back from such groups in tears thinking why can’t my boys sit still and do the activity. Well roll on a few years (over 20 to be precise) and they’re all completely normal young adults. Also it turns out they’re very capable of sitting still if there is a games console involved.

Ime kids divide into two groups at that age...those who sit nicely in their parents' laps and those who run rings around the room.

I had one of the runners. DC did actually get into the music class after a few sessions and enjoyed it hugely (they adored the teacher, which helped), but not until they had checked out all the doors and windows, had a look at the fire extinguisher and explored the corridor.

Mine was like that. I took him to lovely serene natural parenting groups with storytelling and lovely wooden toys: he thundered around and rattled the gates, ate the crayons, found hideous noisy toys in forbidden cupboards and organised escape committees. We found a small toddler soft play group at a leisure centre and an outdoor group where he could run around as much as he pleased and they suited him much better. He is now a very active, boisterous but perfectly normal teenager.

Oh gosh this brought back some memories! I couldn't take DS to any park when he was that age (and a bit older too) that wasn't fully fenced in, because he'd just RUN..off!! I had DD in a park and couldn't run after him across the grass! Total nightmare! So we stuck to parked with fences and stuff gates!

Now he's a super sporty, very healthy kid.

Tailor what you do to what he naturally likes doing. We went to one music class that was very physical. Jumping abd drumming etc. There was also an old (broken) piano in the room and at the end the kids were all allowed to walk across the piano keys (while teacher held kid's hand and after she'd explained it was only THIS special piano which feet were allowed on!). They absolutely loved it!

*DD in a pram!

My twins were like this. I found it better to go to church hall type playgroups with mats and toys in the middle and a free play ethos than structured groups. Even bloody bookbug rhymetime was awful. Trying to hold two squirmy toddlers whilst everyone else joined in angelically.

Ds1 was very much like this at 15 months. I could never understand how all the other babies were sat quietly playing with the toys or doing whatever activity the group was doing and mine was trying to escape out the fire escape, mess around with someone’s shoes or climb somewhere he shouldn’t be. In the end I stopped going to those sort of groups, mainly because it was stressful but also because I had ds2 when ds1 was 18 months and it was too hard to manage both of them. I just stuck to less structured activities and the park and stuff. He’s 4 now and he is very calm and well behaved. Still has a very independent streak and does everything his own way.

I had to check I didn't write this post... took my nearly 16 month old to his first music class this morning. He spent most of the class holding up the mat he was meant to be sat on and wandering around with it. He picked up all the toys on 'display' that you are meant to buy afterwards. At one point he walked straight out the door. When he was meant to be shaking maracas he went and tidied it back in the lady's instrument box. Etc etc

But his absolute favourite thing is to roam around so I just let him get on with it as awkward as it is!! He loves to do his own thing which is so different to my rule following ways.

Mine was exactly the same at that age.
I take it as a good sign, he feels confident to explore the world.

My son was like a wild animal until he was about 7 - hated sitting still and only ever wanted to run and climb! He's got a first class degree and I couldn't be prouder of him but those early years were exhausting. All my friends at the time seemed to have girls who were very quiet and well behaved and so the contrast was very apparent.

At about that age I took DD to music time at the library. She bolted, grabbing a book of the library shelves and made it to the exit setting off the alarm before I could catch her. Never went back.

She's 7 now and a very pleasant, well behaved child who gets on well in school!

He's 15mths lovely, sounds 'normal' enough to me.

My eldest is 23 tommorow, going on 13
I do wish sometimes he was still 15 months, was a lot easier back then..

Ahh, you have overwhelmed me with your replies and some have made me laugh out loud! So lovely to hear your stories and so glad they all turned out ok in the end 😂 thanks so much all!! xx

My son was like this. It was fine for the active part of there were lots of toys but classes like this were a no go.

People are different. Children are different. I remember being cringingly embarrassed at a children’s music group because my child was obsessed with the leader’s massive oboe that she’d brought in. She played it and my child was transfixed. He wanted to play with it! While all the other children sat placidly on their parents laps he kept wriggling off and trying to make a bee-line. Then he kept dancing and wanting to get into the treasure box that she kept pulling all these interesting things out of. I was exhausted, embarrassed and apologetic at the end of every session until I said I think maybe I should stop bringing him / and the leader said ‘yes’ that’s probably for the best. So we stopped.

Fast forward 15 years and he’s a brilliant cellist, pianist, singer and guitarist. He was demonstrating enthusiasm and musicality and I was made to feel like I had a disobedient disruptive child.

I reckon all these classes that rely on passive kids are run by people that don’t really understand children. It’s fantastic when you find one run by genuinely talented people that can engage and enthuse a childlike sense of wonder.

My DD was virtually asked to leave her ballet class when she was about 4 - gallop 4 steps to the left - she did about 12 and crashed into the wall - every time! The others thought it was a hoot - I cringed! But she loved it!!

My eldest was like this. I found it so frustrating and worrying at the time. I’d look at all the others joining in and sitting quietly on their parents laps and wonder why mine was trying to climb on the stage, get out of a fire escape, try to turn a speaker on and off a hundred fucking times I started to wonder why he couldn’t just join in like the others and what it meant about his behaviour and personality.

He’s 6 now and such a good boy. No issues at school or at home, he’s brilliant. He’s quite independent and likes to do things his own way.