Do you manage not be shouty mum in the mornings?

[Gardenwalldilema]

If so, how?

The mornings here always descend into chaos. Wake about 6.30 / 7, by 7.30 the toddler is like a loon, charging at people and raring to go, upsetting the 5yo, she's whining about having the wrong colour yoghurt, what's in her packed lunch etc.

No fucker wants to brush their teeth or put suncream on. DP gets online upstairs, the dc are trying to barge his office etc to complain about various things.

My children are fairly normal and well behaved, but turn into mini dictators in the morning.

I'm usually a sweaty angry mess by the time we leave for the school run.

How do you achieve calm, serene mornings?

Too much time? Taking them for an early morning walk is your friend.

Mine are 3 and 4. I bung them on tablets for most of the morning. It's not great parenting but it works.
First...prep breakfast. They eat while I empty dishwasher and make lunch.
Next...tablets while I iron their clothes.
Then tablets while i shower (no hair washing) and get dressed.
Then one gets dressed. Then the other.
Teeth are done at some random point.

I have no idea how but I manage an extra chore or two.

Helps that the 4 year old isn't in school full time yet and the 3 year old starts at 9.15.

@Gardenwalldilema

Thank you all so much for the replies!

I think the problem isn't having enough time, it's having too much time. I get everything possible done the night before, so I'm not really stressing about lunches and bags. In an ideal world dc would wake at 8, quick routine and out the door for 8.50. Its the extra 60 or 90 minutes that causes trouble, they lose focus/ fidget and fight etc.

I think another problem is probably the toddler, he gives zero fucks who is late etc, he just runs around upending bowls of cereal, stealing bits of uniform and hiding them, thinking he's the funniest thing on 2 legs.

I'm sure I'll look back fondly on all of this one day, but for now it's exhausting. Maybe I need to wait a year or 2 and things will be better

Can you take them somewhere in the morning?

My sister would alternate between swimming and park for the dead time between breakfast and leaving. Her DD would wake at 6:30, and they'd be in the pool by 7:30! Then straight to school after!

At that age the mornings that worked the best were the ones where I got them dressed the second they got out of bed.

Don’t even mention lunch to your 5 year old. Pack it with things you know she eats / likes and don’t involve her too much if it causes issues.

No TV / tablet until teeth are brushed.

And have as much ready the night before as you can.

If they are all ready you can then get ready while the watch tv / eat breakfast / play

If the toddler is up early then get him dressed and out of the house straight away for a run/energy burn for 20-30 mins. Then your DP can deal with the 5 yr old in relative calm. Then you get back in time for your DP to go online and you do the last bits.

I have sympathy with the 5 yr old, I would be a whiney pain in the neck if my little brother was disrupting my breakfast.

2 4yos here, I set my alarm for really early before they wake and get myself showered coffeed etc before they wake. Everything ready the night before. This is the only chance I stand of avoiding a minor breakdown every morning.

Following for advice! I have a nearly 3 year old and a 10 month old. Toddler is perfectly capable of helping with some aspects of dressing herself but of course insists on running away/ screaming etc. I really wasn’t kind and patient with her this morning and I’m feeling ever so guilty. She even said “stop shouting at me mummy.”

I get mine up at different times, that way I can focus on getting youngest ready and middle dc gets more sleep. If they’re both awake at the same time, middle dc gets to play on the tablet/draw/read at their leisure until their time to get ready (preteen so never happens).

I’m up at 5am. I get myself together, feed the pets, get a washing on, empty the dishwasher make coffee and breakfast for me and then make breakfast and lunches for the day.

Youngest (who is usually up all night still) gets up around 6am and we spend the next 1-1.5 hours getting dressed, playing, distracting, making beds etc.

Middle dc is woken around 7/7:30. Dc gets ready then both have breakfast together, pack their bags and then do their teeth and get washed (I brush youngest’s teeth, that limits any messing about).

We now have about 15/20 minutes until middle dc leaves for school and about 30 minutes until I take youngest to school. They use that time to watch YouTube/play/draw etc.

Middle dc gets their uniform and bag ready for the next day at bedtime the night before. I get youngest’s uniform out in the morning as due to sensory difficulties what they can manage changes day to day.

(Youngest also uses a visual timeline/now and next cards).

So it does take almost 4 hours to get 3 people ready for school but it’s calm and pleasant so for us it’s worth it.

I've been doing school runs for 5 years now.

Ive learnt that:

DS has to throw is clothes around before putting them on. He's allowed 2 minutes before I tell him to get on with it. Seems to satisfy him.

They brush their teeth 1 at a time.

DDs love their hair being done, I think it relaxes them so we have a chat in the "hair chair" (just a stool) while I do it.

I do lunch boxes while they eat breakfats. I talk at them constantly to stop any arguments about who's having what bowl etc.

Breakfast lasts around 45 mins.
Teeth, wash, get dressed.
20 mins play
Shoes on at the last minute and leave.

We have three (2, 7 & 11.) The oldest is being assessed for ADHD at the moment so not particularly more helpful in the morning than the younger ones.

There's no school uniforms over here so the biggest fuss is over what they wear to be honest. I like the lack of uniforms but guess it's nice to know exactly what they're going to have on each day.

We cope because we both pitch in and are good at taking the stress off the other one if we can see them start to lose patience!

The hardest part is often the enthusiastic toddler being angry that nobody else is ready when she is... often 20 minutes before we're due to leave...

Doesn’t matter how much I tell myself tomorrow morning will be different, I still turn into the hulk and it still descends to chaos so I have no answers OP. I find myself nagging, rushing and literally repeating myself again and again. I feel it would be more beneficial if I just recorded myself and put it on play because it’s the same stuff day in day out.

"Mummy's salon" opens - chair in front of the telly to keep their heads still

Yes! We have this in front of the TV too! Both my boys have hair long enough to be tied back so I have all four DC in the chair one after the other. They've all learned that if you want anything fancier than a plain ponytail then your bum needs to be in the chair promptly so that there's enough time to do it, they've also learned never let mum brush your hair while she's angry

The hardest part is often the enthusiastic toddler being angry that nobody else is ready when she is... often 20 minutes before we're due to leave...

This is my 7yo. He's autistic and he's all about rules and routine. Most mornings he is sat beside the front door in his coat, clutching his book bag, and asking repeatedly if its time to go.

Three primary age children here. My alarm goes off at 8am. I go and stir the kids before heading downstairs to make myself coffee. They dress themselves in the clothes I laid out the night before.
They're downstairs by 8.10am and get their own breakfast while I run back up and get changed and make myself look human.
At 8.30 I'm back downstairs to do hair and they brush teeth in the downstairs lol. 8.40, shoes on. Pack ups that I made the night before shoved in bags and we're out the door at 8.45am. No dramas, no shouting. The key is in preparation the night before.

Everything ready the night before and me ready to go before the chaos starts, even though this means getting up very early or DH managing the early bits so I can sort myself out.
Give DC some control over any decisions like yogurt flavours the day before , so packed lunch is all ready in the fridge apart from the sandwiches which I make as DC having breakfast.
Visual timetable or checklist on the fridge so DC can see what they need to do next and we always allowed TV if you're ready more than 10 minutes before- unless turning TV causes more problems then don't do that!

An autistic, dyspraxic 10yo and ditzy 8yo here...
I deal with myself first. If I'm not sorted, it goes to pot trying to catch up.
They wake up and have to get dressed before any screen time. To. Their. Socks. This is important as otherwise we'll lose 10 minutes on an epic quest to the sock drawer later
Our routine gradually moves us towards the front door so with our layout it's clothes, breakfast, hair and teeth in the downstairs toilet and shoes/ coats near the front door.
We need a hint of urgency/ peril in our timings. Get it right too early, the distractions set in and it all goes haywire.

DS2 has learned from experience that if he mucks about too much then he will have to finish getting ready under the front porch as I lock up. Their own time keeping is their own problem, but it's not fair to make their brother late. They're old enough and close enough to school that I can warn them that I will get the ready child to school and he'll have to catch up.

They are not naturally morning people!

I manage it by swanning off to work early and leaving the arguments about finding lost shoes and the location of reading books to dp!

We get up earlier than we used to! I'm more organised with uniforms and snacks.

DS2 will take longer than DS1 because he loses time and forgets what he is supposed to be doing so having more time means I can remind him gently without the need to really hurry him up!

Our house used to be similar to this! I found setting my alarm 30 mins earlier and having that time to sit with a coffee in silence did wonders to calm me. I was calm = she was calm too. I now resemble a sailboat breezing around not giving a shit and my daughter seems to thrive off that. Still have the odd day but mainly we are sailboats.

Before they come downstairs for the morning teeth brushed and clothes on

In infants my kids had to have the free school lunches unless it was something they really really didn't like.

Mine get ready and then watch TV. It CAN cause more problems, either getting it turned off or arguing about what to watch but it does fill time. And can keep one quiet while you deal with the other one.

Set of toothbrushes and toothpaste in downstairs loo
Box for each of the in the hall with their bags and dry coats , shoes , sun hats whatever is needed in
I always get myself ready before waking the three of them or it’s game over

No choices or questions about breakfast, choice of fruit for snack time etc

Zero tablet time

It is still hell on earth

I’ve got similar aged children and we also have stressy mornings. I think it might be the combo of a 5yo and a toddler. Whatever time we started it would be the same. The 2yo is either highly enthusiastic (eg trying to help with my 5yo’s hair) or has a hissy fit about something illogical and unreasonable. My older one is a faffer so if she can make putting her pants on take 15 mins she will. It boggles me how she can take as long as she does but it seems to be a special skill.

I’m normally a shouty sweaty mum, but for the first time for one whole week! I’ve not been. Admittedly my DTs are only in nursery, but are doing 9-3 every day. Our morning is:

I wake at 5.30-6. Get up, have at least one cuppa (more likely two), do a little housework.

Wake kids at 7, throw everyone straight to bath/shower. Everyone gets dressed, teeth are brushed whether they wish them to be done or not. I give them a choice of mama do it with them willingly, or mama pins them down.

After that mildly stressful event (I’ve not lost my shit so far, don’t think the kids have woken up still by this point!) at around 8 they have breakfast and watch tv. I brush DD hair, pop their shoes on, if it’s all going well I’ll have another tea.

8.30 tv goes off (they take it in turns to switch it off) they can either ‘help’ me put sunscreen on, or I’ll just do it with warning.

8.40 kids out the door, grab lunch from fridge and juice bottles, load them into the car, 8.45 we’re on the road.

I’m honestly shocked that it’s run so smoothly. The only things I’ve done differently are prepare lunches the night before, and sort out our clothes, basically do as much as I can do the night before. I normally buy the spray sunscreen which is like a can of deodorant as I can get it onto a kid that’s determined to not wear sunscreen with ease, but I’ve not even had that this week.

I feel I’ve been cocky writing this, and will return to feral children and shouting my head off tomorrow morning and forevermore until they move out of my house now