A bit of a whiney post. Anyone else also feel like the exciting stuff isn’t in front of them but behind them?

[Midlifey]

Have been stuck in a rut lately. My (part time) job is completely fine, but going nowhere. My son started school for the first time last week, and I really liked the preschool days so I feel sad that’s over (tried to have another baby, but unable). And, this summer, two good friends moved away and I miss them. (I live in a city where people move in and out a lot.)

Was chatting to my lovely neighbour who is the same age as me with a son the same age as mine. She’s just got engaged to a new partner and they’re thinking of having a baby, and she’s also thinking of retraining in a new career - life is so exciting. I was so happy to hear it, but have come home and flopped.

For me, it feels like the exciting life-changing stuff is behind me. Don’t know how to dig out of the rut.

Did / does anyone else feel like that?

This is such moany post but I really need a moan!

I get what you mean, OP. I think you just need to reframe your thinking.

You have so many things to look forward to involving your own life and DC, whether that’s holidays, special occasions or even just lovely days out.

I would also suggest planning fun things and trying new things so you have smaller stuff to look forward to. Is there a class or a hobby you’ve always fancied?

If you feel like this, would it also be worth considering your own career options? Would it be possible for you to retrain or find a different job with more progression opportunities?

What are you doing to make exciting stuff happen?

I do need to find something to get excited about - and I don’t actually do anything (at the moment) to make exciting stuff happen.

I have often wondered if I am a little bit depressed and it’s leading to lethargy. The secondary infertility - which was all happening over Covid - probably affected me more than I give it credit for.

So I need to shake it off and make exciting things happen! I just can’t even begin to imagine what to retrain as - or what new hobbies I want to do. Or how I can change my life in a fun way! Ahh!

How old are you OP? What do you feel is stopping you making changes or having a more interesting/exciting life?

I'm 34 with a toddler - likely an only child - and I feel like my life is just getting more interesting. I'm applying for new jobs atm, making new friends through DS (also in a city where people move a lot) and generally feel like there's a lot of potential out there.

Yep, 2 older kids and nothing really exciting on the horizon. No money to plan anything so just ticking along. Its all very hum drum really.

I’ve just turned 40, and I think that’s part of it. I didn’t expect it to, but it has hit me harder than I thought! I know I should think of it like a new beginning, but it feels like the end of something because of the secondary infertility, I think.

I used to love my career, which I worked really hard to get, but after almost 18 years of it, I don’t feel excited by it.

Ds is almost 5 and very sweet and lovely, but definitely growing up very quickly!

@JustGiveMeGin

Yep, 2 older kids and nothing really exciting on the horizon. No money to plan anything so just ticking along. Its all very hum drum really.

Yes - hum drum is how it feels!

With my part time work and living in this expensive city, we don’t have any spare money to use for retraining or holidays etc.

@Midlifey

I’ve just turned 40, and I think that’s part of it. I didn’t expect it to, but it has hit me harder than I thought! I know I should think of it like a new beginning, but it feels like the end of something because of the secondary infertility, I think.

I used to love my career, which I worked really hard to get, but after almost 18 years of it, I don’t feel excited by it.

Ds is almost 5 and very sweet and lovely, but definitely growing up very quickly!

What field of work are you in? Do you have transferable skills that you could use in another job or even a different industry?

Ok it's time to get involved with a sport or hobby which excites you and full fills you- I do Brazilian jui jitsu which has given me so much quality of life and fulfilment. It doesn't have to be this- there's CrossFit, rock climbing, horse riding, loads of stuff.

As for being a mum, the older they get the better they get, I love seeing my 12 and 10 tear old flourish and become young women. I love spending time with them

OP, I feel you, but you've got too many life changing things that are going to happen from now on. Your child has started school, but this is just the start of a long journey for them (and the whole family). New friends are going to come, parents from school, soccer, painting classes etc, and all that just from your child's circle. Also, now that your DC is not so dependent to you, you can start doing things for yourself again, something that most completely forget about.

I am 43, so a bit older than you OP & my DC are older too (12, 10 & 7). I had a spell of feeling like you do, after my youngest started school. I understand what you mean about missing preschool days & career feeling stagnant.

However, I am now at a stage where the DC are becoming more independent & I am doing more for me, which has built up gradually.

Once DS3 started school FT I started volunteering at my local library. This sparked an unlikely friendship with an older volunteer so lovely coffees & lunches out etc, and also led to my eventual career! And it gave me confidence that I could do something other than being a mum, was a SAHM up to that point.

I also started meeting up with friends once a week or so for coffee or walks, at each other's houses if money is short.

I have also joined the local WI, which seems to have ladies from 30+ & has lots of interesting subgroups you can join. And I have started saying yes to going out, often drinks round people's houses or free events, eg open air theatre tonight.

Now I have been offered more hours in the job I love & am really quite excited about the future.

So I would say, get yourself out there, say yes to things & life will seem a little brighter.

As you get older I think what you find exciting changes.
I can't find excitement in messing with the structure of my life any more, but find excitement in simpler things.

I am adamant that I always have something to look forward to. It is something that I have always done since I was in my teens. I get bored very easy. It doesn’t always have to be something huge like a holiday etc. But I make sure I have something to look forward to every few weeks. I’m easily pleased though so going out for the day and having dinner out is enough for me. I have to have goals or I would just sit and do nothing