Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How do you "manage" food and teen/adult children's uncertain plans

53 replies

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 15:25

Ds1 has a girlfriend and spends a lot of time out of the house. This is good, I like to see him happy and enjoying life after the time they've all had.

I also do a family dinner most nights and I never know who I'm catering for. He was going to be home tonight so I've got the meat out of the freezer, but his plans have changed and I now know he won't be here.

He's let me know in good time, but I've still got a chicken breast I don't need out Grin

Part of me is inclined not to cook for him at all but then he'd live off toast and cereal. He can cook but he wouldn't. He's an adult, perhaps I should leave it at that, but I'm still his mum who cares about his health.

He wouldn't be put out at all if I stopped cooking for him. He'd probably prefer not having to think about being home for dinner. It's not about him being unreasonable, hes not. When he is here he contributes his share to housework and DIY it's just that currently he's spending a lot of time with GF

It's also not about one chicken breast, it's about one xyz on a fairly regular basis.

I just wondered how others manage this?

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 09/09/2021 16:00

Yep, I have 2 girls at home at the moment (uni summer break) they both sort themselves out to be honest. Tonight we are having a sausage pasta bake. They may be home, one or both may not be. The leftover portion/s will go in plastic bags, flattened and put in the freezer, stack easily with any others and if they come home earlier than expected any time, there is food easily cooked.

One of the many compromises of living with different generations

41sunnydays · 09/09/2021 16:03

Only have 1 teen but already this is an issue.

It's more annoying that if I try and batch cook so take a meal out for the family and he doesn't eat so waste a portion I can't reheat.

Or if he just wants to eat later but decides not to eat what I have made so will make him self something else.

I am learning to stay calm and save his meal in the fridge and if it's not eaten it gets thrown away which is sad and so bad

Joystir59 · 09/09/2021 16:06

I am learning to stay calm and save his meal in the fridge and if it's not eaten it gets thrown away which is sad and so bad
Your Molly coddling is what's causing your temperature to rise and the food to be wasted. The issue has very little to do with your son.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General food
Original poster
LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 16:07

Yes, I have learned to freeze things in portions of two and one rather than fours so that does help. It doesn't help when you hear at 3pm he won't be home though.

I don't "mind", I'm just wondering if there's a better way.

OP posts:
BananaPB · 09/09/2021 16:16

@MarleneDietrichsSmile

I sometimes just cook for him, if he does not come I have it for lunch the next day Grin

Chicken breast is so versatile, could even go in a sandwich the next day

^^ I do this.
idril · 09/09/2021 16:27

Mine are younger but my son often can't eat with us and it's sometimes at short notice. What I do is cook extra of anything that is freezable (so basically, chilli, bolognaise, and a salmon pasta sauce that we regularly have). They get frozen into single portions. Then if he can't eat with us, he uses a frozen portion and cooks the rice/pasta.

SeaToSki · 09/09/2021 16:30

I have a load of one portion easy microwave meals in the freezer. Like mac n cheese, meatballs and rice, hot pot. I have showed my DS how easy it is to microwave, he doesnt need a plate and then the dish goes straight in the dishwasher. I pointed out it was easier than toast and less hassle because he wouldnt be hungry again in 2 hours and be needing more toast or cereal etc. It seemed to work and I often wake up at 11pm to the ping of the microwave now.

I also put frozen uncooked peas or beans on the top, and then they just cook through as the main meal reheats.

I dont plan for him to be in for dinner with us unless he makes a specific point of asking to be included.

BertieBotts · 09/09/2021 16:36

Our food supply isn't that inflexible... If he's around at meal tone and we're coming something he can have then he'll eat that. If he doesn't fancy it or isn't around at the right time he'll make pasta, noodles, frozen pizza, chips,a sandwich etc.

Likewise if we make something that doesn't get eaten we just save the leftovers, they keep for a couple of days, somebody will eat them for lunch or an individual dinner over the next few days.

Sometimes things get forgotten or wasted but it's not that often that happens TBH.

Oblomov21 · 09/09/2021 16:39

I don't do this/ see it the way you do OP. I cook for the 4 of us. If ds1 isn't here I dish his meal up when I'm dishing up our 3, and cover with tin foil. Simples.

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/09/2021 16:40

I stopped cooking for any of them. Worked a treat.

PlatinumBrunette · 09/09/2021 16:41

I’ve kinda given up, tbh! I’ve been cooking for everyone since I was about 10 and I am SO bored with it. I haven’t worked out a solution yet, but I’m taking the opportunity to empathise and vent a little.

DD works odd hours so sometimes eats at work, or has ‘snacks’ at home. So I’ve made sure there are relatively healthy snacks in the fridge. Had some nice M&S cheese and spinach muffins for a while. I also caved and bought some ready meals which worked for a while, but short use by dates made this unsustainable and uneconomic. There are things in the freezer that would work IF she gave a bit of notice 😂 but not everything can cook from frozen.

DH is no help whatsoever and refuses to have the same meal twice (so my huge pot of chilli last week is now mostly in the freezer). He also sometimes goes into the office and eats there, but doesn’t tell me. So that’s nice 🙄

So I’m barely cooking at the moment and have just had a giant sandwich myself 😆

InnPain · 09/09/2021 16:43

@dodobookends well then just put it in the fridge and eat it yourself the next time you’re hungry. Not like it’ll go to waste.

InnPain · 09/09/2021 16:44

@LegendaryReady then just put his portion in the fridge, or eat it yourself next time you’re hungry

discusstin · 09/09/2021 16:54

I've stopped cooking for an adult child for this reason. Now he lives off Greggs and McDonalds deliveries which frustrates me enormously. I got him to buy some food and we cooked it and portioned it off into the freezer - but as others have said, half the time he can't be bothered to put a frozen portion in to cook.

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/09/2021 16:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Palavah · 09/09/2021 17:16

Let him eat toast then!

LifeIsTricky · 09/09/2021 17:27

I tend to just cook an extra portion, unless I know for certain a meal out is booked or similar etc. The extra portion can then either be heated up later on, or it becomes lunch for the next day for them or me! It's a pain, but it's not the hill I want to die on and I don't mind doing it if I am already cooking that same meal anyway. I tend to focus on meals with leftovers anyway, in case I end up with an extra guest. So I'll make a lasagne, knowing I can freeze a few portions for meals when I can't be bothered or a stew or a big pot of soup

MMMarmite · 09/09/2021 17:38

There's no ideal solution where you all predictably eat together but DC has total independence and flexibility.

Either you cook for them, give them freedom, and accept that sometimes there's uneaten food.

Or you cook for them and require that they stick to what they said.

Or you leave them to cook for themselves. At 22 this would be fine!

You could do it on a scheduled basis: "Thursday is family dinner, I expect you here unless you tell me otherwise with plenty of notice. Sundays is chilli night, there's enough in the pot, turn up if you want. The other nights shop and cook for yourself".

Approach it as if they are a lovely housemate or neighbor, rather than your dependent.

Boobieboobieboobie · 09/09/2021 17:40

I just cook and leave it for them to re-heat if suitable or they eat it cold.🤷‍♀️

MMMarmite · 09/09/2021 17:40

Also his diet as a young adult is probably not going to meet your nutritional standards. I think that's pretty normal for a few years until people get bored of eating crap, and teach themselves to cook!

notacooldad · 09/09/2021 17:44

I make meals that can be heated up later. If kids or Dh for that matter do t want it'll have it next day at work.
To be honest I dont find it an issue.

minipie · 09/09/2021 17:53

I would say let him eat toast but also provide/show him some easy quick meals like soup, scrambled eggs, beans on toast, microwave baked potato, etc.

If he’s around at least a few nights a week then if he bails last minute, his portion can be kept in the fridge till the next time he is around. That doesn’t work for all meals I know, so the ones it doesn’t work for, don’t cook him a portion and if he is around he can have eggs etc or whatever’s left from last time he bailed.

Basically he needs to eat something but it doesn’t have to be the same as you and if he’s going to be unpredictable he needs to accept leftovers/cooking for himself

SoupDragon · 09/09/2021 17:53

I have meals that can easily be reheated or frozen and also I plan so that I can easily swap out one meal for another if anyone's plans change. The adult DSs are more than capable of feeding themselves though, it just makes more sense to have one person shopping etc. Sometimes they do the cooking.

Octopus37 · 09/09/2021 18:19

TBH I have a similar thing, even though my kids are oly 11 and 14. The 14 year old does football twice a week, they are both out and about a lot, my husband works shifts. Sunday is a football game for the 14 year old. TBH I buy ready meals with good dates on them, lots of pasts, filled pasta, eggs, pesto, humus, breadsticks, crumpets, tomato soup. I used to cook from scratch more, but its hard to find things that everyone likes. Most weekends I try and do a roast on a Sunday and we have a a takeaway a week. Lifes too short and busy.

onelittlefrog · 09/09/2021 18:22

It seems like the obvious solution would be to have a conversation with him about how much food he is wasting by always changing his plans, and trying to get him to be a bit more consistent.

Does he appreciate you cooking for him? sounds like he's generally sensible and quite mature, so do you think he'll have insight into this?

You could also do it the other way round and get him to tell you when he DOES want dinner. If he doesn't let you know he's in, you assume he won't be and don't cook. Just make sure there's healthy stuff in the cupboard/ freezer that he can make for himself.

Basically he needs to eat something but it doesn’t have to be the same as you and if he’s going to be unpredictable he needs to accept leftovers/cooking for himself

Also this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread