False promises at work _ feel stupid

[Matilda82]

I have worked really hard for the last few years to retrain in a very niche area. It's taken a lot of my personal time and meant pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I was delighted to land my first paid job in this area 18 months ago which has involved starting up a new dpt from scratch so quite a challenge.

Part of that role involves working with someone who is very successful in the line of work. She provides a consultation service for me for certain issues I need help with. She has always been very complimentary of my work and said from the start that I should work for her one day. This would be a big step up for me and something I would love to do as my current role is limited for various reasons.

These conversations have been ongoing , but in July she said this time of year would be perfect as it's our quiet season. She asked me to meet for coffee today which I had thought may be to discuss details of when I would start the work. But, no. We made small talk, talked a little about the work from last season and that was it. At the end she asked me how things were going where I am, I said I'm thinking of moving on as I want to take the next step up and she told me I should stay where I am. I feel such a fool for getting my hopes up and now I'm questioning myself and my judgement. On one hand I feel confused as she seems to have lead me on , but on the other hand I feel of course she owes me nothing and perhaps she was just being nice and actually she doesn't think I'm that good after all and I was a fool to believe her compliments . Ugh. I have imposter syndrome at the best of times but it's in full throttle now. How do I shake off this feeling and what do I do the next time she brings it up, assuming she does of course ?

Sorry, its hard to tell from what you have said, but maybe she was just being nice as you were in a new job? What sector is this and how affected have you been from covid? Sounds like she was going for a drink for a general chat/friendship than a job role!

The last 18mths since you got this job have been the worst in history for some job roles. Maybe back then she had the finances to take you on, and thought that she would once you have experience.

Maybe things aren't as rosy on her side, she can't afford you, lost other staff, found someone better, doesn't need help? Hard to say, but don't take it personally. Could you go it alone in your role, rather than relying on her/others?

Thank you. Luckily for us our roles were unaffected by Covid. It's the sort of things that carries on regardless.

Yes , clearly I misread the situation but to be fair she had said we would talk about how I could work for her in September as it's our quiet season.

Yes I could go it alone, and I probably will at some point but need some more time working for someone.

I suppose what this is more about is why I read too much into to start with. It's that imposter syndrome kicking in.

Is it a paid for consultation service, or is she your mentor?

A bit of both I suppose.

The best thing to assume in these cases is everyone is looking out for their own best interests. It’s quite possible she wants to work with you but that her order book isn’t where it needs to be to support her hiring you. In that case she won’t want you to leave your current place and get started somewhere else. If it’s a mentoring thing then it would be odd for her not to tell you to explore what’s out there but not move until you’re sure even if she couldn’t hire you. Don’t doubt your ability if you weren’t good she wouldn’t have said she’d like to work with you - it’s counterproductive.

Thank you. I needed to hear that .