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Make or break

2 replies

Wide · 07/09/2021 21:17

Please try and go easy on me because otherwise I will feel even more guilty and sorry for my dh. I posted a year ago about splitting with dh, we have 2 children who are between 5 and 10 without being outing. I got warned it wouldn't work as dh has always lied about money etc he is very selfish but on the other hand he does care for me and the children and I know he never means to hurt us he is just soo bad at money management.

We got back together and he was going to be open as he used to lie about his wage etc, after years of trying to save for a house deposit his parents gave us 30k it was life changing for us, he brought a dog for a couple of grand out of it which i did not want whatsoever but now the kids are so in love. I had job redundancy and so diid he so he then started investing in a hobby, I warned him please dont waste the deposit money but he wanted to make more and assured me he would profit, id say at a push 10k is tyed up which he could get back. The rest well thats been done on gambling and more hobby, 10k wa s also in an isa we couldnt touch else we would lose the government bonus of a grand, yrp he went and touched it because he got in a mess I opened a letter othweriwse he said he wouldn't have told me so i told his parents that the deposit has gone. Yes i feel awful but i am lied to non stop BUT i know he dont mean to, his family have nowfell out with him. The dreams of owning a home are gone. He has now lost hia family and his wife and kids and he is on the sick so no steady income either, I have been shit in the marriage too constantly digging and questioning him so i feel guilty lying this at his door like its all him. He has been sobbing and wanting to move forward and says i can control all the mpney and he will not lie or do anything wrong, i feel cold and done but then the other side of me thinks what about the kids without their dad, the dog, the nights come and i feel lonely! I do feel strong to leave i dont know how i will look at him happy again, I havent been happy due to years of lies building up but as i said im not perfect. So, split the family up or one last final chance? Please bare in mind you obviously all don't know him and it's easy to say leave himand I have love, he isn't a nasty person quite more like a litrle boy at times. I am so confused. I have lost my future plans of owning a home do i also lose my husband too??

OP posts:
Mariell · 07/09/2021 21:31

What a horrible situation and you sound like a fair and understanding person.

However you have him a chance and sadly he has blown it.

He could have used the money he spent on a fancy breed dog for counselling for his gambling addiction, for example.

As the money was a gift from his parents it makes it even worse that he blew the money and it’s no wonder they are angry and hurt by his reckless misuse of the money.

Under these circumstances it may be worth salvaging the relationship if he agreed to relinquish all responsibility of family finances to you and agree to joining an addiction programme.

Sadly, I think it’s unlikely he will kick the habit and there will always be the old, ‘It’s a sure thing, I’m going to double our money!’ before losing every penny.

I couldn’t live under that stress of him gambling and being reckless with finances and would find it terribly unfair for my children to be influenced by someone who is always going to be a ‘loser’ in financial affairs.

tobypercy · 07/09/2021 22:08

Nobody is perfect... but no, get out of there. He's already shown you he won't change.

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