Renting - will it even be possible? Please help.

[Spottygiraffe85]

I left DH at the start of the summer and we are living with my parents. It’s not sustainable because it’s taking me forever to do the school run in the morning. FOREVER. Ds is 13 and dd is 6 and there isn’t really enough space for us either.

The plan was always that it would be short term and we would rent. A house has come up near where we lived for £900 a month, three bed. It would be perfect.
However I’m not going to meet their referencing terms. I have to be in full time work and paid £27k or more per annum.
DH earns around £170k per annum and I was a sahm for a a few years. I now work 28 hours a week but only earn around £16k.

On my salary plus what DH would need to give me I would have about £2.5k a month (plus UC but I know a lot of rental places don’t like that). £2.5k would give me an annual income of £30k even without the UC but I don’t think they will take that because my personal income is low.
I will also have half the house - £150k ish - when it’s sold or if Dh buys me out. Which means I wouldn’t get UC at that point but would have a good amount in savings. I would probably then look to buy so I only want to rent for 6-12 months.

Am I trapped? DH won’t move out of the family home so it has to be us that finds somewhere.
My dad would be a guarantor but I don’t know if there’s any point me even contacting the estate agents if the terms are all going to be the same.

It still isn't really clear why you left the family home OP.

It isn't usually recommended that the resident parent does this ( apart from abuse situations)

To avoid moving the dc around too much it might be better to go back to the family home until the finances are sorted out. Then you can look to buy something.

Is there a separate room you could stay in?

Renting is both expensive and surprisingly inflexible at times.

I think £2.5k would be ok because I’d also either have UC or the savings.
I’d have the UC until the savings were sorted which means I should have about £3k in total.
£900 rent, if I allowed £1200 for the bills I’d still have some free income.
I don’t cost much. The dc do though 😂

I left because I knew he wouldn’t and it isn’t tenable for us to live together now we’ve split.

Definitely worth having an in depth chat with a solicitor about all of this - check you're getting everything you're entitled too before setting your budget!

Go for spousal maintenance! Why on earth would you not?

This makes me so angry. Every mother I know would bankrupt themselves if it meant their children would be happily & adequately housed.

Your husband is a cunt.

Could you ask him for a lump sum to pay a year’s rent up front & act as the guarantor? Remind him that it’s for HIS children.

I don’t want spousal maintenance because it’s his money. I don’t really want any of it but obviously I’ve foolishly put myself in a place where I’ve no choice but to take some of it.

I will have to have an awkward conversation with him around the money. God. I hate being reliant on him.

You've got no choice right now, so I would just ask him.. It's for his children.

Get him in front of a mediator
Get it all signed
Get him to pay up front the rental

I know. It just sucks. He won’t want to.
We’ve been reasonably steady until now because I’m making few demands but the money will be a red rag to a bull. Currently he’s giving me £600 a month and he’s had the children overnight twice since mid July. I know he should be giving me more but I’m not paying rent at the moment.

You will find somewhere to rent with a monthly income like that. you may need to pay upfront rent of six months r something or have a guarantor.

Does the conversation have to start with money? Can it start with a proposal that he have the children 3.5 days a week (2.5 weekdays and 1 weekend) as they are also his children and you cannot do 100% care and full time work - which you need to do to house yourself/them.

That's less school runs for you, less overcrowding at your parents, probably no £600 but also less living costs while this all gets sorted. Plus, he gets a sense of how much having his bit of the childcare covered is worth.

If he cannot do his fair share (half) then he needs to accept that he will have to pay to have his half covered - by you or by someone else.

He could have them every other weekend but would struggle in the week. I don’t think we’d end up 50/50.
Even if we did the CM calculator states his income means he would pay around £700 a month.

I could pay for six months rent up front - that’s true. I don’t see they’ve much to lose in that instance? Should I contact them and offer that?

I could pay six months rent plus the deposit.
My parents would lend it to me until the financial settlement is sorted.

He could have them every other weekend but would struggle in the week. I don’t think we’d end up 50/50.

That's my point. It's his problem if he cannot meet 50/50 and he needs to see that you taking them full time is doing him a massive, massive favour. Right now he sounds like he's seeing you as nothing but an expense when, in reality, you are massively subsidising his lifestyle by covering his half of the children repsonsibilities.

It's too easy to assume you should have to take care of them full time and so any money he gives you is a penalty for him. It's not. Right now he is getting childcare for considerably less that it would cost him in lost wages or professional fees if he was to do it himself or hire something to do it for him. He should be thanking you, but he won;t ever see that until he starts to see that he has to provide half the childcare for his children.

Yes….ring them & explain all of your circumstances. Tell them that because you’ve yet to formalise all the financials you can offer to pay 6 months up front.

That, a clean credit record and a guarantor might swimg it for you. Definitely worth a try.

I think my parents would lend me the 12 months rent really but it’s whether we would want to be there for 12 months.
Credit record is fine.

Thank you for all the advice.

Maybe I need to go back to the letting agent and explain and see what they say.
If they still say no - even with a guarantor and the upfront rent then I will have to speak to Dh 😩

Most rental contracts are for a year, if you want a shorter contract you might want to look for a specific shorter contract.
Friends have used airb&b in those situations but there are also sometimes rentals that are short term.

I could offer to pay for the full twelve months.
They surely haven’t much to lose then?

Then I’d have the £2.5k to live off - if bills were £1200 a month I’d still have over £1k free.
I’d just have to pay my parents back when I got my money from the house / savings.

If I were in your shoes what I would do now you have a rough budget is phone around all the letting agents in your area, explain that you need rental for you and your children this is the situation and you have a guarantor lined up that way they can say yes or no and I'd they have anything suitable coming up. The rental agencies I have used before are always happy with a guarantor.

There is certainly no harm in asking the question OP.

I have both rented and been landlord in the last few years.
Some landlords would be willing to take the risk others would be concerned about possible eviction proceedings at the end of the tenancy.

Using a guarantor helped BIl find rental accommodation.

I do think that you aren't pushing STBEX hard enough, his dc need a roof over their heads where someone is around to look after them.

My ex and I came back from abroad with very good savings, no jobs lined up and a cat. Estate agents asked for six months rent upfront which we could just about do but it would have cleaned us out and given the landlord no reason to fix anything.

We found a private rental but still failed referencing obviously.
His parents, our guarantors, were homeowners with savings but recently retired.
They failed referencing too.

Our private landlord was happy with us for various personal reasons (eg my glowing personality...) that she accepted us anyway and overrode the recommendation.

I found the flat on OpenRent and she had enough weirdos come through that we felt quite normal in comparison.

You can search on there for private landlords and see if it helps. The other good thing there is the lease ends up costing like £50 and that's it. Everything else is direct with the landlord.

Good luck!

But they could have to evict anyone at any point couldn’t they? If someone lost their job or something. They’d have twelve months rent up front here and a guarantor. I think also if you met me you’d see I’d not be someone who’d need evicting. If we couldn’t pay at the end of twelve months for any reason I’d leave willingly.