talking in a moment of weakness

[agghhmomentofweakness]

Last week I witnessed something really upsetting as I pulled away from dropping off dc at school, which reminded me of various things which had happened to me over the last 6 years.

I had the day off and went for a walk and bumped into someone I hadn't seen for a while and went to say "hello" and suddenly burst into tears. She took me to sit down and said "What is it? Has something happened?" and I explained that I was just really upset and said why.

The person I had bumped into has dc and a few years ago we tried a few playdates, but I found her very intrusive with questions, she gave a lot of unsolicited advice, which was not good advice, and she had a difficult relationship with her eldest dc who she punished regularly, I thought it was too much and because of this I backed off from seeing her or organising playdates.

I forgot all this in the moment. I hadn't seen her for about 3 years.

She then started to ask me intrusive questions, a lot of questions, and my brain in a fog I answered and told her more than I wanted to. She then started to give me advice about something to do with my dc, and I explained why what she said wasn't a good idea and then made excuses and left, saying thank you for being nice and saying if she fancied a coffee sometime to let me know.

She was nice initially. And she listened to me talking about what I was upset about. But - and I really don't know if this is reasonable or not - I feel violated, like she took advantage of me being in a state to ask nosy questions. So violated I am tempted to say something to her.

I was hoping to be talked down and told I am being silly and to stop dwelling.

Have you ever done something similar, and did you say something?

I don't think its fair to say violated you.

She was who she always had been, she would have asked those questions regardless.

Your defences were down and you reacted in a way that you usually wouldn't. In that moment it was you who had changed not her.

Don't say anything to her. She will turn it into something more than it is and will only upset you further.

I don't think you're being silly though, you were vulnerable and bumped into the wrong person to be vulnerable around.

Hope you're feeling OK soon op

She hasn’t done anything wrong. You were upset and she counselled you in the way her personality dictates and she happens to have different opinions to yours and is one of those people that want to know what’s what, hence the ‘intrusive’ questions so that she can impart her ‘wisdom’ that she genuinely believes is beat.

Focus on her being kind and taking the trouble and time to want to help you and give you advice even if you don’t consider it good advice and want to take it.

I think the title of your thread sums it up, you spoke in a moment of weakness. Easily done and no criticism of you but the other woman did nothing wrong.

Ah thank you everyone, you are right, she was trying to help in the way she knew best.

Thanks for your wisdom here.

Yes YANBU OP I’ve gone something very similar. I was so annoyed with myself . Different context though this was to do with me opening a new Facebook account. I friend requested. someone I’d been friends with on a previous account - she phoned me via Facebook- the only time I’ve used that function and I felt totally upon advantage to big herself up and ask nosy questions we were on phone for 3 hours!!

I. Felt taken advantage of I should have said

It's know someone like this who was bizarrely also a counsellor so knew how to elicit information out if people. Often to her own advantage as she was not a nice person.

Hopefully your person is just like this and generally has good intentions

I don't mean like the other person I've described I mean in that they can't help but ask questions as part of their way

@stripedbananas

It's know someone like this who was bizarrely also a counsellor so knew how to elicit information out if people. Often to her own advantage as she was not a nice person.

Hopefully your person is just like this and generally has good intentions

I would be really interested to know more about this, stripedbananas, actually. It has reminded me that at the time I drew away I wondered about this. I couldn't quite work out how it would benefit for her to know things though. I remember she once asked me for coffee when dc were at school and started asking me a lot of questions about whether or not we were planning to sell up which seemed a bit random at the time and I wondered if there had been a reason! How did your person use information to her own advantage?

I have decided to let it go but it might be helpful to understand her better, in case I bump into her again in a weak moment!!