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Original poster

7yo refusing to eat what's available

31 replies

Beachtrip · 07/09/2021 09:01

He's gone into school today having not eaten since lunch yesterday. Wailing about how hungry he is.
Refused his dinner because it was boring (it is something he loves)
Refused breakfast because also boring (he had the choice of toast, two different cereals, granola, porridge, bread, scrambled eggs etc. But crucially.. he only wants cake, pop tarts or sugar laden cereal)

I think it's worth mentioning that at his dads they eat cake for breakfast EOW, and often go out for dinner or fill up on chocolate and treat food (I've mentioned this to his dad who says it's his time and he'll feed them whatever he wants)

I've just told the school because it's boiling hot and his PE day and he hasn't eaten for 20 hours.
He spends his evenings and mornings screaming at me about how boring and cruel I am to not feed him.
Fruit and a square meal is available whenever he wants it.
All the sugary breakfast stuff has been removed and hidden so it's not visible.
I'm at my wits end.
How long do I let this go on as it feels like it's a battle of will right now.
I can't feed Him a diet of sugar just so he eats, can I? He's got to give in and accept what's available at some point, right?
I'm looking to a) be confirmed in refusing to give in and b) any tips on getting through this.

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 07/09/2021 09:08

No I’d stand firm. He chooses what you are Offering no options. He’ll eat eventually
Give loads of drinks or ice lollies tho

Original poster
Beachtrip · 07/09/2021 09:21

Thank you.
Feel like a crap mum, it feels intrinsically wrong to send a child out hungry. But this is his choice.
I'm also slightly in awe of his stubbornness. I never could have lasted that long as a child!!!

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 07/09/2021 09:24

Stand firm. Keep offering lots of options - maybe add other snacks like cheese, carrots, crackers. You aren’t a bad mum. But his dad doesn’t sound great unfortunately. Can you get your son to help with the meals? That might make it more interesting for him?

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idontlikealdi · 07/09/2021 09:26

Is he happy at school? Food is often a way for kids to exert control over their lives when they have no control over anything really. Has your relationship with his dad recently broken down?

DownWhichOfLate · 07/09/2021 09:26

Oh - and we explain to our son that food is like petrol (as he likes cars) and that fruit / veg / protein is the best “petrol” for him, whereas sugary things will clog up his motor!

NannyR · 07/09/2021 09:33

Can you get him involved in choosing what he wants to eat, get him to help with meal planning and shopping, choosing things he can help to cook. Obviously, he can't have free rein, there can be rules like he has to choose two or three fruit and veg etc.

Ylvamoon · 07/09/2021 09:36

My DD was a bit like your DS at that age.
She would not eat her home cooked dinners etc...
Anyways, I had baby DS at the time, and started leaving clearing the dinner table until after the kids were in bed. (DH was on nights so no help.)
So while I bathed and settled DS, DD would eat her cold dinners.

Maybe just have some food available to just to take when nobody sees it. (& and don't mention anything if he eats it!!).
He'll soon snap out of it.

Disneycharacter · 07/09/2021 09:40

Don't react to it. Offer normal foods that are not sugar laden and what he is demanding He'll eat eventually.

mbosnz · 07/09/2021 09:46

You sound like a very good parent. His father, on the other hand, sounds a bit shit.

I think it's a good thing you let the school know, and that you should stand firm. And calm.

He's old enough to understand that at Dad's, things are done one way, and at Mum's, things are done another.

Original poster
Beachtrip · 07/09/2021 11:54

Thanks for all replies, and votes of confidence!

Getting him involved in meal planning is worth a try.

His dad and I split when he was 18months and it is very strained and tense. Restraining orders and court orders and all sorts. We have as little to do with each other as possible.

I've done the leaving the food out before and sometimes he does eat it later, I shall try that again. Thanks!

Kids are so draining!

OP posts:
KidsAreMean · 07/09/2021 12:34

Could you get him to decide what he's having for breakfast the night before? Then he's not confronted with a decision to make in the morning (too much choice?)

If it's something I know DC eat but they don't, I put their plate in the fridge and present it when snacks are requested. If it's not eaten by the next meal, they get the next meal as usual.

He's 7 which is a good age to get into cooking and deciding what to eat. Get a kids cookbook and look through it with him. I make our meal plan at the table every Thursday, ask if anyone needs anything for the shopping list or has any meal requests for the coming week. Any complaints during the week are met with "we agreed on Friday, remind me next week".

tellmekindly · 07/09/2021 12:37

Healthy cake ? Part Wholemeal four, reduce the sugar add apple or pear? Pancakes with erm jam ? Peanut butter ? Beetroot/ courgette or carrot muffins ?

Theunamedcat · 07/09/2021 12:44

Does he like toast? Place toast down by him walk away ignore the screaming

Theunamedcat · 07/09/2021 12:46

Are those his exact words by the way? Because they sound a bit grown up for a 7 year old

Also discipline the screaming I would (and still do) refuse to listen to anything screamed at me unless the house is on fire use your indoor voice

BillyJoe111 · 07/09/2021 12:54

I feel for you.

When ds was young his dad would fill him up on pizza, i’ve cream, sweets EOW and half the holidays. Ds would gain weight, especially in the holidays. His dad would send him home after three weeks of the summer holidays with him and tell me what an awful parent I was because ds had got visibly larger …. even though he had done that by being with him for 3 weeks Confused

Things got so bad, ds doctor agreed to document his weight before and after holidays with his dad as he was trying to claim I was harming his health.

I was never able to take ds out for an ice cream or anything as I had to constantly be the health police to undo the damage. It’s so hard and I really feel for you.

Ds realised, when he was about 11 that it was no good eating shit. He stopped going to his dads so much..

He’s 19 now and so healthy. Doesn’t eat junk food. His dad is a very large man and is jealous that ds is slim and healthy.

TornadoTrinity · 07/09/2021 13:01

We struggle to get ours to eat. One is nearly seven and one is nearly four. The older one is a bit on the too slim side and actually became a little bit underweight (1st centile). I took her to GP who ran blood tests, but didn't pick anything up. It is a worry when they won't eat! And the added 'help' from his dad is an additional complication.

We offer more healthy snacks, as I think our DCs are genuine grazers. Their dad is too and he is stick thin as well, so I think they just take after him. I was raised on nutritious, big meals and it is weird to me that my kids aren't interested.

What does he eat at school?

TornadoTrinity · 07/09/2021 13:02

And the added 'help' from his dad is an additional complication.

I mean op's DD dad

Itsbeen84yearss · 07/09/2021 13:07

I have a stick thin Dd and unfortunately I give in way too much and let her have crap just so she’ll eat. You are not wrong and reading this is making me think I’m going to put my foot down as well

TornadoTrinity · 07/09/2021 13:10

@Itsbeen84yearss

I have a stick thin Dd and unfortunately I give in way too much and let her have crap just so she’ll eat. You are not wrong and reading this is making me think I’m going to put my foot down as well
It's really hard when they're genuinely too thin! I never thought this would happen as all you read about is kids being too fat these days and parents are in denial blah blah. My wee girl hopped on my scales just messing about as I've never weighed her. She's nearly seven, is quite tall for her age and isn't even three stone.

She bloody loves McDonald's, Subway and a few meals. My relative who is a doctor just said give her the meals (home cooked, not the takeaways) she likes. So that's what I've been doing plus having snacks in which are healthy and I know she likes.

TornadoTrinity · 07/09/2021 13:10

A few homecooked meals.

Caspianberg · 07/09/2021 13:15

Can you sit down with Him and explain that sugary xyz isn’t possible every day and it’s just not healthy for him to grow strong. Explain he can decide on other breakfast items and if they are ‘ healthy for his growing’ you can compromise?

Ie maybe toast is currently on offer, he wants cake. Would he consider crumpets? Butter crossiant? Cheese on toast?

Would he like smoothies or milkshakes homemade? Milk/ banana/ peanut butter/ oats would be pretty healthy.

Give an ‘allowance’ for unhealthy food, ie could he have cake for afternoon snack on Fridays. That way he knows when he gets it and reduces him asking all week

SilenceOfThePrams · 07/09/2021 13:37

Does school have a breakfast club? I realise it doesn’t solve the issue of him refusing the food he needs to eat but it might take the battle out of it in the morning at least.

Otherwise beyond telling school I’d also see if school would be amenable to you sending him in a breakfast snack which they could give him mid morning, and so they know you aren’t deliberately withholding food.

Boobieboobieboobie · 07/09/2021 13:46

I dunno, I think this, they’ll eat when their hungry can be a bit of a miff.🤷‍♀️ I totally get were your coming from as my 12 year has become so fussy plus my son has sen and goes through ‘phases’.

Usual2usual · 07/09/2021 14:01

I give in way too much and let her have crap just so she’ll eat

I do this too, DS is very slim and the thought of him not eating is a worry in itself.

We have been trying to be firmer though with limited success.

Doesn't help that he has food allergies so is somewhat restricted to what he can eat anyway.

tellmekindly · 07/09/2021 14:09

I think the key is finding healthier versions of things they like, or new things but if you over do it then they get bored of those too.

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