If you have a child in year 10, what time do they put their phone down?

[HurryUpAndWait23]

Ahhh the annual argument.

For us, anyway.

My 14 year old can't put his phone down, therefore I have to put a screen time lock on his phone.

I'm the worst mum in the world.

I've set it to 10pm on school nights which I think is late enough!

What do others do?

Ten or half past. We have a leave it downstairs rule. A few of their friends can still be sending stuff well into the early hours. They're depressed and can't sleep so dd says. I'm not surprised, they never put the phone down. We turn it off but it's baffling why some have no rules.

We have downtime set for 9.15 on a school night, 10.15 for Friday/Saturday. Usually I make it later in school holidays but I didn’t this time. I do accept requests for more time usually though, especially if she’s talking to a friend etc. Stricter in term time.

We also have specific app limits on some things, especially YouTube and tiktok - she’s happily admitted how much happier she is since we did that.

My a bit too clever y11 dd convinced me that she needed her phone for Spotify music and her wake up alarm. Apparently Alexander doesn't do the job quite as well. To be fair it depends on the child. Mine has proven herself trustworthy so I don't limit her phone use, I trust her to make judgements about switching switching the screen off and going to sleep. BTW I have her password and she is fine with me checking content.

Alexa not Alexander!

One hour limits on those apps I mean not that they’re banned altogether. It’s been a good compromise.

She usually leaves her phone in the kitchen overnight. I do leave Spotify on “always allowed” though as sometimes she uses that to play particular music on her speaker (she likes Kpop and the speakers don’t always read the names properly!)

It's taken off the wi-fi and mobile data at 9.30 (I control this from my phone) and plugged in to charge on the far side of his room out of his reach.

My youngest has ASD and ADHD, he needs reminding in the holidays to come off his phone as his concept of time is poor, but he loves his sleep so no issues at night.

I don't think it's good or bad parenting either cutting off screen time or letting them self regulate, surely good parenting is understanding what your child needs/is capable of. Same with anything as they are growing up.

I don't understand the people criticising the parents of teens who can self regulate, I don't get the spite there? It's not a big deal, only reason I commented is to show that sometimes they don't need to have phones taken away, it's not one size fits all,most definitely not smug. If DS stays up a bit late one night and feels tired he'll go to bed early the next. Sometimes I will remind him he has a busy day and not to stop up too late.

Self regulation never policed but thought she would be on it forever

My 14 year old DD goes to sleep around 8.30pm, she wakes early though- so with her it’s not an issue. With DS he needed less sleep but from about 13 we said phone off & lights out by 10.

First day of term DS was awake until 2 am, this evening he went to bed at 9.30pm. He’s 17, managed to sort out his own sleep schedule!

I’m another who doesn’t have any rules. Well, that’s not entirely true. Neither of my sons want me to post their photos online, so I don’t. The older one doesn’t want to be named either.

My older son hasn’t done anything that would question my approach however my younger son has needed a little more discussion on the subject. He’s not entirely there yet but I don’t think he is far off being able to make the best decisions for his health.

I’ve always thought that banning things make them all the more attractive.

One in y10 wont use a phone, one in y11 has seperation anxiety if ever apart and always has it.

I don't have a phone rule either now they're 13/14 but like PugInTheHouse that's reviewed according to circumstance. Self regulation is an important skill, like cooking, changing their bed, taking the rubbish out. My DC are polite and help around the house without moaning. They can go to sleep without feeling the need to be glued to their phone. I've found (from their friends) the parents who are more restrictive have DC who are more 'obsessed' with their phones.**

@spiderlight

It's taken off the wi-fi and mobile data at 9.30 (I control this from my phone) and plugged in to charge on the far side of his room out of his reach.

@spiderlight Please can you tell me how to do this

@teaandpastries - I remove his phone from the wi-fi using the Virgin Media app that I useto control our home broadband/devices, and switch off his permission to use mobile data using the EE app. It might be different for different providers but you should be able to do it.

For anyone starting the mobile phone journey, ParentShield sim cards are worth considering as there's loads of custom controls and you can monitor calls and texts in the parent portal parentshield.co.uk

I've always had a no phone allowed in your bedroom rule so my 15yo dd comes off her phone when she goes to bed about 10pm.

I'm in the middle here: DS 17 and DS 14 charge downstairs when they say goodnight- 1030. Ipads also downstairs to charge. Later in holidays.

They can choose whether to watch TV with us/ in their rooms/ game/ hobbies until 1030- no hard and fast rules. Mostly, both are out at sports training/ on bikes with mates until it's dark. They're both good kids and excellent students although DS2 would probably be up watching movies all night if he decided for himself.

Those PP who limit all screens from 630/7/8 in my opinion that's just mental. They need some autonomy and independence. That is a route to possible resentment.

@MrsPsmalls

Seriously? I never policed phone time. If he could be up for school then fair enough. A* a levels and Russel group chemistry degree. Do you want to make this the hill you die on?

If your son already has a degree then he was a mid-teen long enough ago to not have had an uber-sophisticated smartphone with a gazillion apps designed especially for them when he was at school.

Their phones are endlessly and permanently entertaining, so having rules around their use is pretty basic parenting these days

I don’t but they both went to bed wo any issue, even with the phone in their bedroom

I’ve give up asking for their phone since they were around Y7~8

DS (15) is not good on self discipline, so on a school night his phone goes into night mode with most apps disabled at 9.30. It charges overnight outside of his room and he gets it back in the morning.

Otherwise he'd end up down a rabbit hole of youtube/tiktok/insta reels until the small hours despite his love of sleep.

My Y10 DD's phone locks certain apps after a certain amount of time and entirely locks at 8pm except for calls unless I give her extra time until it unlocks at 6:40. I'm pretty relaxed on giving extra time if she's actively doing something with others.

She heads upstairs around 9:45 most nights (as does her Y12 brother). Their phones remains downstairs overnight and really all the time when they're home unless they're doing something specific upstairs with it. Their father is the same so it's never been a 'rule', just what they do. When we've talked about it and what their friends do, they don't really express any desire for that to change and even themselves say that while their room is set up with a light so they can read without disturbing their siblings, it would be different if it was their phone or a laptop with a flashing light. It's just not fair for them to self regulate for the person they're sharing a room with.

I don't think it's screen locks or self regulation - I think they can work together for teenagers just like they can for adults.

Phones comes down when DD goes to bed which is normally around 9pm.

She has several clubs later afternoon/early evening so she maybe just spends another hour on it before she goes to bed.

Dd1 can happily pick up her phone/any tech and put it down whenever. She sleeps well and always got herself up in time for school (now at college). Never needed to impose any screen time rules for her.
Dd2 is 15 and a different kettle of fish. She has to hand over all her tech at 9:30 on a school night and 10:30 at weekends. A good sleep is crucial for her to manage her mental health and with her phone she gets messages all through the night. She understands why she’s not allowed her stuff at night and although every now and then she asks me when she’ll be allowed to have her phone in her room overnight. The 9:30 weekday curfew gives her time to get home from her clubs on the days she’s got them, see friends after school, do her homework (it’s all set online these days and usually roughly 90 minutes per evening), practise her instrument and record videos of the her practising that for her teacher and then chatting/facetiming with her friend and then have an hour and a half ish before she goes to sleep of just winding down without constant interactions and distractions.