At a loss - dc off to pre-school

[MissPotter43746]

Fourth (and last) dc off to pre-school next week. I feel lousy. My life has centred around my dc (I have worked in the past but have a health condition which is a bit limiting plus childcare etc.) All living family (very few of these) are now male. Husband works full-time.

I don't deal with change well. I don't know any other mums who are at home in the day (I have a few friends but none on the doorstep).

I had planned to join the gym but wavering about that now as covid is on the rise it seems (I have been doubled vaccinated but obviously children haven't and it concerns me).

Later when dc settles in/starts school I want to do some volunteering and join a walking group but obviously limited to half days etc. at the moment doesn't make this easy particularly as I am limited to certain days. I don't want to be stuck in the house all day. I just feel hollow and awful at this change.

Anyone?

Your transitioning into a new phase of your life, so a period of adjustment and maybe mourning is to be expected.

It sounds like you have good plans to use your spare time. Give it time and you’ll be in the holidays wondering how you got anything done before when they were at home.

Aww hugs to you. These events do squeeze our mummy hearts & I- like you- hate change. I am facing a massive one with my DS about to leave for uni. Hollow is such a good way to describe how I feel. I would try to keep your change in perspective. Your DC is only going in the mornings? So by the time you've set the house to rights & planned dinner & then sat and had some time just for you, it'll be pick up time. There will doubtless be many days where one of them is home poorly & then there all the holidays...

My tip would be to do a course online. I did one when mine started school & qualified in prof reading which allowed me to work from home &choose my own hours . There are tons of course now, craft based ones, academic ones, qualifications based or just for the fun of it. You may meet another mum too through the pre school in the same boat as you? Or- start doing Christmas! Start planning/buying/wrapping & be super organised! Good luck

Take up Couch25k instead of joining the gym? Allow 1hr three times a week (it's only half an hour but I mentally add in time to get into running gear/shoes/smartwatch, warm up and down, getting the washing machine on afterwards - then you'll need a shower but I don't count that because I'd shower in the day anyway, I like to get up and put on clean running clothes, do lots of sweaty jobs round the house, go running, shower and then go to pick up).

Massive sense of achievement progressing through the programme, it was a lifesaver for me as a SAHP during lockdown.

Thanks Biscusting. I just feel completely floored. I have hobbies but they are insular and don't involve much interaction (good at pottering) but not used to being alone if that makes sense.

I do have plans but although they are things I have chosen, I feel like it is a filling in time exercise (sorry, I know some people are time poor with work etc. and of course I have plenty of housework/life admin etc.) but I suppose my life has/is largely about dc.

It's really odd, isn't it? Dc5(not long turned 4) is starting Reception tomorrow & dc1 is off to secondary school. I've always had a little one at home for last 11.5 years. That's almost all my adult life. I didn't give up work (well I was made redundant) until dc3 was born & still do the odd bit of freelance stuff now but predominantly I've just been Mum. So, no advice but I know how you're feeling!

Sounds like you feel guilty about having a bit of well deserved time to yourself! Can you go to a coffee shop or library and read, if you want company? Or find a good series or comedy you want to watch on catchup and put your feet up. Why not, you've been really busy and have a health condition, you deserve a break

Or- start doing Christmas! Start planning/buying/wrapping & be super organised! Good luck

Yep, started this. It did cross my mind that at least I have this to organise and a birthday.

On the theme of an on-line course, I am actually building up to starting a small on-line business (will make very little money but I find it interesting). As mentioned, it isn't so much keeping myself occupied as becoming isolated with little connection outside the immediate family.

Running is just not my thing. It has been suggested to me before and I can see why it would prove a big sense of achievement. I'd rather join a walking group but lengths of walks etc. mean that it is not doable until dc starts school. I'm not really into gyms as such but thought an odd class and access to the swimming pool and jacuzzi would be good...but it doesn't seem a sensible thing to do this side of Christmas.

I wanted to join a weekly craft workshop but sadly it doesn't run at a suitable time (again with limited time dc is at pre-school).

Thank you for your responses and understanding.

It's a big change, its a new phase for you and also for the family, be kind to yourself and roll with it and do what you feel you need to in order to make the transition period a bit easier. Take some time to relax, don't feel bad if it's just doing not much really- I am sure as time rolls on and you all feel in more of a routine you'll find plenty to fill your time and keep you occupied :)

That's it Bernard. I haven't had my children close together and so I've always had a little person at home.

I think I will get used to it eventually (I'll have to), it just feels like the start of a big change.

I am sort of in the same position as you. Youngest started reception last year. I've been a sahm for 10 years. Last year I was mostly home schooling and had my husband working from home. I had some free time before lockdown before Xmas last year and filled it adequately with organising the School PTA Xmas fair and assisted with another charity. This year i have set up a small hobby job working from home which will consist initially of about 10 hours a week (2 days). If I get on ok with it I will let it grow, although still want to be around for the school holidays. I will also be doing an art course - just a couple of hours a week and swim a couple of times a week. It's such a short school day, 5 hours a day after drop up/pick up, so 10 hours worth of work a week is plenty, factoring in cooking/cleaning/food shopping etc. Now is not really the time for me to return properly to work with the possibility of another pending lockdown/more homeschooling. I'm also looking to volunteer for a mum's charity for pnd - basically just taking someone out once a week for a couple of hours. I also have some health/anxiety issues and don't deal well with change. You're welcome to message me and we can spur each other on.

Oh, just read your update. I think that we have a lot in common!

OP, you mentioned volunteering - this website is a good way to find opportunities. It's ok if you are limited to certain times.

do-it.org/opportunities/search

Thank you for all of your lovely responses. I have pm'd you Hugoslavia.

@MissPotter43746

That's it Bernard. I haven't had my children close together and so I've always had a little person at home.

It's unnerving, isn't it? I've got things to do & 'a plan' but, for the first time since dc1 started school, I'm nervous. It's like I don't really know how to be me anymore

Very unnerving Bernards. I've seen it coming and have made plans but it's like trying on new shoes that are a bit tight and not comfortable to wear at first. Plus for an anxiety ridden semi-introvert, it's not all that easy 'to get out there'. It is about creating a new identity (though the main one remains mum) and a new routine.