What's your passion?

[mustbemoretolife]

I'm a thoroughly fed-up, peri-menopausal middle-aged woman and I've realised that I've got to find something before I lose my mind!

Had a chat with DH last night and realised how unhappy & lost I am. Which I also feel makes me sound ridiculous & selfish as on paper I have a good, long-standing marriage, brilliant teenage kids and a job I love. But if you asked me what my hobbies are....I've got nothing. I do my job, look after the house & kids and I'm knackered most of the time.

I can't help thinking 'Is this it?' DH is fantastic but just doesn't get it. He's very happy with his lot, has his hobbies and doesn't see why I'm unfulfilled. He also works weekends & I do Mon-Fri which probably doesn't help. But we're
working on that (hence the in-depth chat last night).

It sounds so selfish, but I need to find me again.
I see friends occasionally but mostly they are wrapped up with their own families, particularly weekends. Weekends are hard & I seem to spend much of the time ferrying kids to their hobbies / friends.

So what's your passion and how did you find it?

Years ago, I used to do lots of creative, arty stuff and ideally, I want to meet new people. Also happy to do something active that I haven't tried.

Sorry that this turned into such a long post!!! Any advice or suggestions gratefully received....

Watching with interest cause I feel and am exactly the same ☹️

I can relate.
My kids have all flown the nest now.
I've just got into gardening and it's not something I did much when I was younger.
But now I feel for the first time I have a hobby.

I don't have a passion as such but have a few things that I like doing that fill the time, I started embroidery in lockdown which I find very soothing. I also started gardening. I just bought a crochet blanket set.

Also like seeing music, sometimes I do loads of exercise. All depends on my mood and what I need at that time.

I feel exactly the same! No kids, I used to be super sociable and excited about life in my 30s but things have gone downhill in my 40s...I just cba with socialising and things that take a lot of effort, and I've got even worse since the start of the pandemic, I'm basically a hermit. I'd live to have a hobby or something that made me excited about it but like you no idea what that might be. No helpful suggestions sorry but you are definitely not alone!

Oh, all the clichés I'm afraid.

Walking, gardening, cooking, photography, dressmaking, quiltmaking, embroidery, crochet, making papier mâché, writing poetry, foraging, playing the piano, reading mid-20th century women novelists...

My paid job is a pain in the arse. I live for hobbies

I think it's harder if you're a sociable type and crave human interaction. We hermits can generally find loads of stuff to do that allows us to carry on living in our own heads.

I totally regretted my zero hobby lifestyle during the first lockdown!!
While my friends merrily crocheted, gardened, knitted etc I sat and watched a lot of tv and wandered round the house aimlessly
My only hobby really is socialising! I work all week and then spend my weekend catching up with friends over coffee or at the pub etc
I'm 50 with 2 older teens, so in theory have plenty of free time for a hobby but what?!!

My only real passion is going out. I love to find places to go to.
I like doing lots of things like reading and painting but I’m not really passionate about them.
I’ll research the hell out of different areas and countries and find great places to go to.

Can’t say I’m passionate about anything (I’m very depressed at the moment).
I find painting (never did it before May this year) helps a lot. I love reading as it takes me out of myself.
I feel I’ve forgotten how to engage with people since the lockdowns and any socialising/even talking on the phone exhausts me. I have a very disabled DD and at 46 I’m exhausted from existing for her.
But I do love gardening, especially David Austin roses- and if I don’t need to do much with them I’m trying to draw/paint them.
I wish I could get into other things but I’m not sure they’d grab me.

Thanks all. I too sound like a walking cliche of a silly, middle-aged Shirley Valentine type!

I'm feeling down & weepy this morning (curse you, peri-menopause!) today. Need to sort myself out as I have a eye check up later & the optician will wonder why my eyes are so puffy.

But have been a bit more proactive as well. Been looking at classes in my area. Nothing that appeals yet but I did message an old friend who used to run yoga sessions. I reckon that even if it's not a passion as such, it would get me out of the house at least.

Keep the ideas coming!!

And and big un-MN hugs to those of us who feel the same.

Single, children have flown the nest and I feel the same. I work and by the time I get home all I want to do is eat sometihng easy and watch a couple of episodes of boxsets. My weekends seem to be spent catching up with life admin and stuff in the house.
As a former art teacher I am very creative, but it has been so long since I got my paints out. Any art clubs seem to be in the daytime and to be honest if they were in the evening I still could not summon the energy to go.
I would love to go to places of interest at the weekends, but after driving all week I do not want to drive myself anywhere. I am stuck in a rut so no help sorry.

I suggest MeetUp. There are some large social groups but also tons of smaller groups catering for loads of different interests. There's no commitment- go along and see if you like it. The people are generally very friendly as they're all there for the same reason! Massive age range too and plenty of people on their 30s, 40s and 50s.

Thanks for that @mangoontoast. I've just had a look and I'm intrigued. Have just signed up with my area and will see what happens. Just what I was looking for!

So a few different things you talks about: do you want to do hobbies or meet people?

I am not sociable (just don’t like nonsense chit chat with people). But my main passion is outdoors/mountaineering. I have done a few major ones and planning my next. If you like this you can do hikes, indoor climbing (great way to meet people too), walking trips etc. I find having a goal is very important in training so plan something (even if it’s climbing snowdon) and train for it to measure youself

In London I also like arts. I used to piant and draw but I have mainly started sketchiing during lockdown. It’s very calming and you can get good at it quickly. I also play the piano every now and then. I (used to) go to concerts a lot before covid. Loads of people start an instrument after retirement and it’s actually quite common to be a beginner adult

If you like tennis, it’s also a great sport to start whatever age you are.

I have discovered these and I am thoroughly hooked! Warning: they are extremely intricate and hard, I have often wanted to just smash them to pieces... but when you finish one you can't wait to start the next one.

I started with the most difficult of all, the book shop! Don't do like I did and start with an easier one.

store.robotime.com/rolife/diy-miniature-house/

It's not a hobby, but I've recently got involved in some community volunteering. Mainly that is a weekly litter clearing session every weekend. It gets me out of the house, I've met a range of lovely people and I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. If that kind of thing interests you then the place to start is probably your Council who might know of any local initiatives.

I always have the same suggestion. Sign up
for your local parkrun ! You can volunteer and/or run or jog or walk. 5k on Saturday, or come help at the junior version Sunday, 2k

I'd second volunteering, it's been transformative for me in difficult times.

In the past I've volunteered at things unrelated to my work, now I'm older in my 50s I do more stuff around mentoring / supporting younger people in my industry. Both have been just a fantastic way to meet different people older and younger / from a different social circle and also just to feel useful.

I don't have a passion as such, but love reading, walking in the park, baking (have had to curb this as I'm trying to lose weight), doing workouts, meeting friends for walks/ food, watching history documentaries. I'm fairly introverted so it doesn't bother me to spend time alone.

I'm also retraining to work with animals so that's also a new interest. Will be volunteering in a vet clinic throughout the year.

It doesn't bother me that I don't have an all consuming passion, but I do enjoy lots of little things. The important thing is to make time for yourself and do thing you enjoy. If you are someone who has spent years looking after other people, you may have fallen into the trap of putting yourself last.

I would suggest volunteering in something local, to give you an opportunity to have something just for yourself. Or learn something new, join a language class. Something to inspire you.

It doesn’t sound silly at all @mustbemoretolife and as you can see, many people feel the same. It’s the right time of the year for new classes to be starting up again so is it worth looking at something creative that you used to enjoy?
I recently joined an online retreat where you did meditation & yoga each day and it’s reminded me of how much I used to enjoy both but I’d just got out of the habit of doing them.
I think your in a perfect position to try out some new things and see what sparks your passion. I’ve tried things over the years that I haven’t wanted to peruse but I’ve had quite a laugh trying them out!
Good luck with finding something & keep us updated.

I love this thread. And, like many others, I can relate!

I'm throwing myself into a writing course. But I also want to get back into illustration. I had a million billion crafty hobbies when I was in my 20s. It all went after I got married.

I had a real pang recently when my 18yo son saw my get out my massive (but dusty and unused) box of art supplies and said, "Oh yeah - I forgot you used to draw."

I was like, where have I gone??!

If you are into crafting have you thought about starting that up again as a small business, do stalls on craft fairs etc. Or maybe taking a class in some crafting you've not done before. In both you would meet new people.

What would you do if you had a day, a weekend or a week entirely to yourself? What were your favourite subjects in school? Who do you admire and look up to? Sometimes answering these questions helps to find yourself a bit more.

I’ve met loads of like minded people through A stand in the park.

astandinthepark.org/our-stands/england/

I've gotten the sewing machine out again- recovered garden cushions. Reupholstered and sold a chair. Xx