3.5 year old huge toilet training regression - help!

[Pottypalava]

Our 3.5 year old looked like she'd train earlyish at just before 2, showed real interest etc. She made an excellent start for a couple of days and was even dry at night but then lost all interest and we assumed she wasn't ready and so put her back in nappies to try again later.

Due to various big life events this later only really came just before she was 3, as she had a new sibling to adjust to among other things and we wanted to do it one at a time.

She trained really well, then had a little regression, then went months without an accident of any kind including on holiday with long car journeys this summer.

A few weeks ago she had a poo accident when I think she was really caught unawares, but every day since almost she has done a poo in her knickers and now quite often wees too. I'd read here that this can happen with constipation when they can't help soiling, but I really don't think this is the case. In the evenings if I'm doing their bedtimes on my own she will come and tell me while I'm settling the baby that she needs a wee or poo in time, and will then produce one on the toilet accordingly, but during the day most of the time she will choose just to go in her knickers and then afterwards say "sorry, next time I'll tell you"

She's been back at preschool for two days since the holidays and had one wee accident.

When it happens I try not to give it much attention and encourage her to clean up herself and then I help. I think it's telling she'll come and interrupt me when I'm with the baby, and I make a real effort to have special time with just her everyday, but I'm really at a loss with the toilet training.

It's really hard because I have to take literally five changes of clothes everywhere and although I try to I ignore it, I know that relatives judge my parenting.

I've thought of reward charts but think if we use them she'll expect a reward for everything. I feel like if we get it right for just one day she'll carry on as she's very habitual.

Otherwise she's a delight most of the time so I just don't understand it!

My child is one of habit too- the most important thing is just to break it, I'd just go with a reward chart or whatever you think will work.

Could it be related to going back to pre-school? Has she moved up a class, or is she feeling unsettled and out of routine after the summer holidays? My DD (who had been trained for over a year) had a regression when she started pre-school. It lasted a couple of weeks and then back to normal.

I wouldn't dismiss the idea of it being constipation. I know it sounds odd, but they can get overflow from withholding. Speaking here from bitter experience, with a dd who is now 11 and still has some accidents. There's a great Facebook group called Movicol Mummies (Movicol is a medication used to soften poos), so you could join there if it continues, lots of good advice there. For too long, people told us our daughter would grow out of it, and she didn't, but really we left it too late to take action. Hopefully this isn't the problem with your dd, but just a heads up in case.

I’d want to rule out a medical cause for a child who’s been successfully trained for months and regressing so far. It does sound like it could be constipation related.

And if not medical then I’d instigate lots of praise, stickers etc for every success. At the moment even if you say you ignore her I bet she’s getting lots of your time/attention every time she has an accident - she surely can’t successfully clean up after a poo accident at three? I wonder if she discovered after the first accident that this was a successful method of getting your attention and now she’s repeating it.

Ok, thanks, I think I'll make a GP appointment on Monday to discuss it, I don't want to overlook a medical issue and I had heard a lot about constipation in very similar situations even when, like me, the mums hadn't expected it. It's just her poo isn't especially loose or hard, it's formed but quite soft.

It started in summer holidays and she only started back at preschool this week so I don't think it's that and just can't think of any other changes. Yes, I do finish at the end, she just wipes a bit first, and I probably do give it more attention than I realise.

I feel I need to improve somewhere for sure as if behavioural she's expressing a need I guess and I really want to help her!

Yes, I would agree a GP appt would be sensible. Regarding constipation, my dd never had especially hard or loose poo, it was just repeated ongoing accidents, but when we eventually got an x ray, there was a significant build up of poo.

Thank you. Our GP is usually good for appointments, I'll send an e-consult as soon as it opens on Monday as can't send them out of hours and hopefully they'll get back to me with an appointment

I'm seeing them about my other child's poo too (opposite problem!) so they'll probably wonder what I'm feeding them!

Oh dear, doesn't sound like much fun! Hope you get some help.