Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Choosing bridesmaids

17 replies

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:23

I was recently one of 4 sisters chosen to be a bridesmaid and it caused a bit of hard feelings from some of the other sisters.

DP and I have been talking about getting married in a few years but I was thinking how on Earth do you navigate the bridesmaid nightmare!

We have 5 adult sisters between us with an additional SIL (my brothers wife),

We also have a teen daughter,

Three teenage nieces and two little nieces.

Obviously 12 would be absolutely ridiculous!!

Given free choice I would have the two little nieces, one of the teen nieces, one each of our sisters and SIL so that's still a lot!

But how do you go about it without upsetting anyone?

Or just have none!

OP posts:

SmidgenofaPigeon · 03/09/2021 11:24

I didn’t have any. I liked getting ready on the day in peace!

Ughmaybenot · 03/09/2021 11:27

Sounds like drama you can easily avoid by either having no bridesmaids or just your teen daughter. You’ll be making life hard to pick and choose when it makes absolutely no difference really.

LargeBouquet · 03/09/2021 11:27

I didn't have any, personally, but in your shoes I would either just have your teenage daughter, or your daughter and the two little nieces as flowergirls.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

Bananarama21 · 03/09/2021 11:29

It's down to you who you choose in your bridal party there's nothing to say you have to have your dh side. I had one of my sils and two friends but if I had sisters I'd have had them.

LittleMysSister · 03/09/2021 11:31

In your shoes I'd just have your own daughter, and maybe best friend if you have one?

I am in a similar situation where I have several close female friends, and I know it would cause hurt if I was to choose between them and pick only one of two as bridesmaids. So I would just have my own sister and my DP's daughter.

No one will be upset if you keep it to very obvious choices like your own daughter and a close friend. It's when you start picking between 'equals' that it gets complicated.

Original poster

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:31

My teen daughter is the one who would least like to be a bridesmaid, she is mid teen angst goth phase but she could have completely changed by then we haven't set a date or anything yet but will be 2 or so years off.

No bridesmaids seems the fairest way and just the little flower girls, that's one from each side anyway.

OP posts:

Aethelthryth · 03/09/2021 11:32

Avoid adult bridesmaids: nobody really enjoys doing it and they'll all hate the dresses whatever you chose. The little girls will love it, so have them and ask all of the teenagers if they would like to do it, making clear that they're free to say no if they don't want to do it

Original poster

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:34

@Aethelthryth

I know one sister on each side would really like to be involved, not sure on the others though.

Might just throw names in a hat or ask if anyone fancies it.

OP posts:

PatchworkElmer · 03/09/2021 11:36

I’d have the little ones in your position. I don’t think it’s fair to go have some sisters and not others.

I just had my best friend and DH’s god daughter.

LargeBouquet · 03/09/2021 11:37

@AndTime

No bridesmaids seems the fairest way and just the little flower girls, that's one from each side anyway.

Sounds perfect, then. Though having a Goth bridesmaid glowering down the aisle might be pretty cool.

Original poster

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:39

That's got to be the only way to do it hasn't it, just the little ones.

Although on Dps side he only has two nieces, one little and one teen so his family would think it unfair to have one and not the other.

On my side there is one little one and two teens so it wouldn't just be one that was excluded.

Gretna green calls... time to elope!

OP posts:

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 11:43

Is your DD old enough to sign the register? I think in Scotland will be 16, England maybe 18?

Failing that I'd pick the sister you are closest too, or put the 3 sisters in the hat and put one out.

I think you'd go mad having so many bridesmaids. I had my SiL as I thought it was a nice thing to do, in hindsight I wish I hadn't bothered.

Original poster

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:47

She will be 15, she is happy to just be in the audience.

Two of the sisters on my side and one on DPs side will be 40 or 40+ I wouldn't think they would even want to be bridesmaids at that age but one of them on my side was really offended that SIL only asked me and not the rest of them.

OP posts:

LargeBouquet · 03/09/2021 11:49

@AndTime

That's got to be the only way to do it hasn't it, just the little ones.

Although on Dps side he only has two nieces, one little and one teen so his family would think it unfair to have one and not the other.

On my side there is one little one and two teens so it wouldn't just be one that was excluded.

Gretna green calls... time to elope!

Honestly, unless you're setting on having a big wedding, I thoroughly recommend doing it very quietly with a couple of witnesses -- we did, and it was great, low-key and romantic, and no one getting bent out of shape because they didn't get to wear a long dress.

Original poster

AndTime · 03/09/2021 11:51

I would really love to do that, however DP wants the whole shebang, he's talking about castles and all kinds. "You only get married once".... he forgets I have already been married before I think.

OP posts:

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 11:56

Hang of until your DD is 16, go to Gretna / or a Castle, let her choose her dress / outfit and solve all arguments.

Best advice sorting our wedding was please yourselves, you'll never please everyone else, so please yourselves!

LargeBouquet · 03/09/2021 11:58

@AndTime

I would really love to do that, however DP wants the whole shebang, he's talking about castles and all kinds. "You only get married once".... he forgets I have already been married before I think.

DH wanted a big shebang, too, but I said that the only circumstances under which I would marry him is if we did it in a register office in jeans with only the minimum of witnesses. If that didn't suit him, I was happy to continue unmarried. I pointed out that I didn't have the slightest interest in or any time for organising guest lists and seating plans, so all the organisation was going to devolve on him.

Flip