Should I seek an ASD diagnosis for DD(10)?

[sleeplessbunny]

DD has just turned 10. She is lovely, usually happy, gets on ok at school but is suffering with anxiety at the moment and has a number of unusual traits that have got me wondering if I should be seeking a diagnosis and/or additional support for her. I am genuinely not sure what behaviours might be reasonable for an NT 10 year old and which (if any) might indicate ASD. She presents as a fairly standard 10 yo, a little shy and stubborn but educational attainment is largely normal. Her anxiety is ramping up at the moment though and I am starting to wonder if I might be missing something.

I know there are lots of wise MNers with experience looking after neurodiverse children and I would appreciate your insight.

Here is a list of the behaviours I have remarked on:

• finds eating noises distressing, this is currently causing angst at mealtimes
• constantly putting things in her mouth, like a toddler but she has never grown out of it. Chews paper, sleeves, pens, balls, anything really.
• poor time management (also noticed at school), seems to lack a concept of elapsed time generally and cannot accept the concept of a deadline - I use 5 min, 1 min warnings etc but there is usually a meltdown every time she has to stop doing something so we can leave the house on time
• good ability to concentrate on one thing for a long time - this was particularly noticeable when she was younger as most of her peers would get bored of an activity much more quickly
• extremely good at art - has been drawing better than most adults since she was 5 and is now exceptionally good
• perfectionist, particularly with any art/craft/written work. This merges with the problem of time management I think - she won't stop until she is happy with what she has created.
• slow reading & writing - behind average but not sufficiently poor to cause problems at school
• intolerant of restrictive or uncomfortable clothing - less of a problem these days as she chooses her own clothes anyway but has resulted in meltdowns in the past
• strokes labels and ribbons when tired - started this at ~6months and became obsessive about certain labels, which she then stroked until they disintegrated (which then caused meltdown)
• only wears one type of sock
• doesn't seem to know when she is hungry or thirsty (but eats and drinks well when offered)
• suffers from migraines which first started when she was 2.

I'd really appreciate objective views on this list. TIA

My daughter is waiting for an assessment, she is now 15. She managed better at primary. I did ask for a referral for assessment then, but it wasn’t sent by the GP.
She is finding secondary much more difficult, years 7-9 were awful.
I took her out for 7 months before the pandemic hit. She just wasn’t coping and she learned at home.
She went back during the pandemic, so she could get the work sent home.
She has been on the waiting list for 21 months. She has been on the expedited list for a year - as they classed the the home ed as school refusal. And she had a few incidents of self harm.
Finally she has found “her people” and is finding the social side of school less distressing.
So yes, I think earlier diagnosis is better. I really wish I’d chased up the earlier referral. Primary teachers said she was “quirky”. Things unravelled pretty quickly after the move to secondary.

Blue same with us. Be warned there is zero support after diagnosis. Nothing. My dd is struggling with her diagnosis and still gets nothing.

Disco is just the assessment method better suited for girls. Lorna Wing is supposed to be very good but ££££. My dd actually got diagnosed v quickly under cahms due to self harming abd anorexia.

I was really worried about the transition to secondary, OP, and thought my DD didn't have a chance of organising herself every day. We have a list we go through each evening and morning to make sure she has all her stuff. And I've done a few dashes to school when she has forgotten stuff. Lists, routine, reminders and spare kit have saved us time and again. Feel free to PM me. And do check out Colouring Outside the Lines- a FB group for parents of daughters on the spectrum.

I didn't mean external specialists, I meant things like if she needs to go to a quiet room at lunchtime, or needs to have chewable "jewellery" to fulfill her need to chew/suck, if she needs ribbons sewn into her pockets so she can stroke to soothe, etc etc. If these type of things help, having them formalised and being the norm for her last year of primary will help primary senco transition her to secondary senco, rather than her go up to secondary and have a huge shock IYSWIM. Most secondary schools are used to having pupils that need a five minute time out pass to cope with noise etc etc etc.

A visual checklist (like a table of pictures) like @Apparentlystillchilled is using can be enormously helpful for organisation.

Please seek a diagnosis, as someone with autism spectrum disorder, didn’t get diagnosed until I was 34 (4 years ago) and I wish I’d been diagnosed as a child because maybe I might have got the right support I needed

Please if you can afford it get a private assessment to help with choosing a secondary school and then the transition. DS was diagnosed at the same age he masks very well. He has always chewed, struggles with new clothes and only wears one type of sock. He became incredibly anxious at 10 and was trying to school refuse. The diagnosis helped get him the right support and really helped us choose the right secondary school. Please don’t leave it, the problems often just escalate as they enter the teenage years.

From my own experience with my dd who sounded similar to yours towards the end of primary- please please start getting support in place for the transition to secondary. My dds anxiety ramped up massively very shortly after starting secondary and things got really bad, and only really improved after she got a diagnosis and professional support. We've been to hell and back, and if I could go back I would have started pushing for support as soon as I got those little niggles of doubt that her struggles were not typical. I understand now she masked at school , which is seen in girls with autism.

Most likely things will not be as difficult as they were for my dd , but at least you have got the ball rolling again if she does have any troubles later on. Having that understanding of who she is has made all the difference to her mental health.
Wishing you and your dd all the best

Thanks everyone, there is a lot of food for thought here.

I will certainly pursue a private assessment, I suspect there is not enough of an impact on her life for it to be taken seriously by LA/NHS but I will speak to GP and SENCO nonetheless.

Thank you to those making suggestions to help self-organisation, I will try those out.

If anyone has any recommendations for private assessments in the SW I would be very grateful to hear them.