Can someone please explain how autism can be diagnosed in older children. Is it not always obvious?

[SorryNotBeSorry]

DS9 has today received a diagnosis of ASC. I was expecting it but now I’m genuinely confused about how I’ve been stupid enough to miss it. Have I let him down?

He generally manages well. There were ‘signs’ when he was younger (exceptional reading and numeracy skills, some sensory seeking behaviour) but we just thought he was an academic child. He has friends, he’s happy at school, he’s in a swim club.

It wasn’t until two years ago when he started to become ‘difficult’ to manage at home. Nothing changed at school, but his behaviour at home was more challenging. He has a step sibling diagnosed with ASC and this prompted us to get a referral for him.

I feel terribly guilty that he’s now 9 ; aren’t most children diagnosed in toddlerhood?

In reality , I don’t think he would have met the criteria for diagnosis before now. So why do I feel so bad?

Going forward, he needs no ongoing support and he doesn’t require any specialist support from school.

Can someone please explain how common this is? Is 9 still young or have we really messed up and let him down?

We are waiting to see what this school year brings (with agreement from SENCo) but I think we will also be looking at a diagnosis this year. DS2 is nearly 11 and I’ve known there is something going on ever since he was tiny. He masks it incredibly well at school up until now but the differences are becoming more and more apparent.

You shouldn't feel guilty ASC is complex and many people mask.

You definitely shouldn't be feeling guilt. I was diagnosed in my 40s because the penny dropped after years of living with 2 real life examples. Yes, despite having 2 children diagnosed I still took ages to put the bits together and realise I was looking at mirror images of myself. Not having a referral until a child is 9 is pretty average IMO. Lots are not diagnosed until they are well into their teens.

“He generally manages well. There were ‘signs’ when he was younger (exceptional reading and numeracy skills, some sensory seeking behaviour) but we just thought he was an academic child. He has friends, he’s happy at school, he’s in a swim club”

Op, do you mind if I ask what were the signs as a 9 year old?
Your DS sounds very much like mine and I have often wondered if he might be.

We thought DD2 was “abnormal”. Turns out the whole family are autistic and DD2 is the only NT one!

@Babdoc that is so familiar! We initially thought DS2 was just out extravert, but it turns out he didn't get the autism (but is ND in other ways). He understands relationships and "gets" interactions in ways the rest of us cannot hope to fathom.

I had the great pleasure of meeting Wendy Lawson in person several years ago when she was a guest speaker at a course I attended. Her story is amazing and she was so inspirational.