Better High School but snobby location?

[RamblingJenny]

Hello to you all :)

Our eldest is not in High School yet but we are currently reviewing future steps and our current area.

We have been here for 5 years now. Eldest settled into Primary School with the best High school out of the others nearby as the nearby the High School. (Basing the term on grades not overall happiness).

However, and I’m sure a lot of people will think I’m mad, we’re weighing up whether to move to the next area nearby which is more ‘us’.

This area is very wealthy but a little soulless. The parents snub us often and this has impacted on our child’s social life. We are really thankful for the clubs nearby as this has levelled out this aspect.

We’re really worried that this High School will just leave our child more segregated because of how it’s playing out in Primary School. Or can we relax and that the children in High School can leave themselves to it?

If there’s helicopting engineering of friendships at High School then we fear that our child will be definitely left out because we are not cut from that cloth. (Based on personal experience).

We moved here at just the right time and prices are high for both areas. But we were drawn here because of the High School. We managed to find a house through pure luck and I’m sure we can make a good profit on this house if we move.

If we moved to the other location our child could still get to this High School (By bus, ten minute journey) but would not be able to walk it like he could if we stayed here.

The other area is has an alternative vibe with independent shops and has brought that kind of family/person to it. But the High School has lower grades. However I know that does not always equal an unhappy child.

Would you stick it out here? With High School A...

• Possible to walk to High School
• Many pupils from Primary most likely going onto same High School
• Best graded in area

Or chance High School B..

• More similar background of pupils
• More laid back area

• Transport to school
• Lower graded school

Thank you, I think it’s difficult to explain unless you have experienced feeling like you don’t belong or fit into an area so I hope I don’t come across as too mad! Am I overthinking it and should stick it out here, and just visit the more ‘us’ area every now and then? And no I’m not a hippy!!!

Just wanted to add that the High School B option would mean he could walk to High School B but it has lower grades or stick to High School A but get a bus.

Do you actually want to move house? You need to answer that question first. Moving house costs a lot of money (and hassle).

Also, if you have the luxury of being able to attend either school regardless of where you are living, then it makes even less sense to actually move house.
Just decide which school you prefer and chose that one. Be careful of overthinking. School A sounds like a no brainier to me.

We’re looking to move in the next couple of years as this was always supposed to be a middle do-er upper house. We are swayed to move because the house has things that cannot be improved with decor/extending. But it would be a case of moving but sticking to the same area or moving to the other more ‘us’ location nearby.
Thanks so much for replying :)

I think you overestimate how much input you, as a parent, will have in your child's high school life. There is a shift, where you go from arranging play dates and park trips with the other parents, to your pre/teen arranging their own social life and meeting in town, at each others' houses, cinema, bowling etc.

That's not to say that you shouldn't move if you want to. But I wouldn't do it on the basis that it will make your 11yo fit in better.

@LBOCS2
Thank you for replying, it’s really appreciated.
Did you manage to let your DC manage most of their social lives independently? I’m trying to think back to my own experiences but I keep doubting myself because it was just your average high school (nothing wrong with it) but not really in the same bracket and I’m not sure if things now work differently through time and it being a ‘keeping up with the Jones’ type area.
If I can take a backseat and not put pressure to move areas that would be more ideal as both areas are cut throat on the property market. More so the one which has a more independent/alternative vibe.

It's also worth remembering that kids generally come from a much wider physical distance to secondary than primary, so just because a high school is located in a one "sort" of area doesn't mean all the kids that go to it do. If pupils can get into both schools from both areas, you will likely find a real mix in both schools.

And you are largely extraneous to requirements in terms of social life pretty soon once they get to high school! (apart from the odd lift)

I would stay in your current house and send your child to the better high school. Your lucky to be in a catchment area of a good school. If you're child goes to a good school that works hard to get the best out of each pupil they should do well in school. Long term your child having good exam results enables them to have more and better choices as they get older.
I know at the moment you dealing with a few snobby parents in the primary school but as one person said here in secondary school the children will come from a wider catchment area.
Also your child will make new friends and as time goes by you won't have as much interaction with the parents of their school friends. Don't let a few snobby parents put you off sending your child to a better school.
Also moving house is expensive and stressful and being able to walk to a good school and local clubs in the area is better as a child gets older.