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Original poster

Operation only one parent allowed to go

28 replies

Cassie98761 · 31/08/2021 10:39

Hi, im new here.

I'm just freaking out a little bit, my one year old daughter is due to have surgery on her throat on the 14th of next month. I just called about the pre op and I've just been informed only one parent can be there. I'm so worried about something going wrong and now I have to deal with it all by myself. This is all due to covidrestrictions I am so fed up now.
Has anyone else had a similar situation?

OP posts:
spartanthehorse · 31/08/2021 10:47

Yes, my son is having an operation on his heart some time in the next few months. He has a heart condition and only one parent has been allowed to go to his appointments since the pandemic and we have been told only one will be allowed to stay with him over night. It's quite scary but my husband would have to look after my dd anyway. I hope everything goes well with your dd, I'm sure she will have great care.

L1ttleSeahorse · 31/08/2021 10:49

Yes we've had that (although realistically my husband needed to look after my other child anyway.)

Nurses were lovely. I freaked a little while she was "under." Take lots of snacks. Drinks etc. Phone charger/battery. Take something to distract you. I texted and played games on my phone but was exhausted. My child hadn't been able to eat or drink all morning so I didnt either and felt quite faint by the time I was on my own.

CattyMcNips · 31/08/2021 10:53

I've always taken my eldest for operations on my own, that has always been standard to only have one parent present in most cases.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Children's health Families General health
BungleandGeorge · 31/08/2021 11:03

There’s no reason you couldn’t have someone waiting in the hospital- go to the cafe and wait together whilst she has the op

Disneycharacter · 31/08/2021 11:11

While the operation is actually happening you can wait in the car park/cafe/lobby with you DH and keep popping up to the ward. When I was there with DS last year at the height I couldn't even do that because I had to isolate with DS so no family contact except over the phone

JaneJeffer · 31/08/2021 11:12

It was usual practice pre-Covid to just have one parent there while they are doing the anaesthetic and then to stay overnight. Hope all goes well for your little girl Thanks

JaneJeffer · 31/08/2021 11:15

And you'll be in scrubs so popping out won't be allowed but someone can wait outside for you.

Original poster
Cassie98761 · 31/08/2021 11:15

I think that's what I'm going do, get my partner to wait in the car or somewhere else and then I can meet him. This is the first time any of my children have had surgery. I know I will overthink everything if I'm sitting there by myself.

OP posts:
NapoleonOzmolysis · 31/08/2021 11:15

Totally normal pre-Covid. Take something for you to eat, drink and amuse yourself.

The family opposite us last time didn't get the message and showed up with both parents and 4 other kids - it was hell for everyone.

Betsybanshee · 31/08/2021 11:17

Hope all goes well with the op Flowers

3cats4poniesandababy · 31/08/2021 11:19

What was not normal pre-covid though was the total lack of visitors. Yes the maybe only one parent during pre-op but the other oarebt could come visit!!! Personally I do think it is completely barabic. I would maybe take snacks and a book to distract yourself. Maybe schedule a friend being available so you can call someone?

Sending hugs to the OP having to go through this. Flowers

Mummytomylittlegirl · 31/08/2021 11:19

It’s really hard I hope it goes okay for you.

My baby girl was in hospital with bronchitis recently, as she has a twin and I was breastfeeding he was allowed to stay so meant we were allowed DH in. I don’t know what I would have done by myself.

I agree having your partner wait outside, at least you know he will be there and you can pop out if necessary.

The children’s nurses and doctors are always amazing so they will support you I’m sure.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 31/08/2021 11:26

@3cats4poniesandababy barbaric is the word. I feel for anyone having to go through it alone.

Bigpjbottoms282 · 31/08/2021 11:27

What I found when DS had surgery as a baby was that once we were on the ward we were very well supported by the staff. DH drove us there and dropped us at the entrance. The nurses were amazing and hopefully you won't feel alone. You'll be allowed to change out of scrubs and go outside while the surgery's happening so pop out and spent the time with your partner. Best wishes.

WeAllHaveWings · 31/08/2021 11:31

The precautions are needed to try to reduce risk to patients such as your dd and also the staff needed to treat her. I know it is awful facing it by yourself, but at the same time it means your dd is not exposed to extra visitors for other patients when she is vulnerable which is more important.

My mum caught covid while in hospital and we had to nominate one sibling (of 5) to go in an speak to the Drs about treatment options/making the decision to stop treatment and her end of life care. We opened up a conference call so we could all hear from each of our own homes and contribute to the discussion and it worked ok in the circumstances.

Use technology so you have your dhs support and you can meet him outside if needed.

MrsBungle · 31/08/2021 11:35

Both of my children have needed a couple of operations each. First one at 10 days old. We were only ever allowed 1 parent to stay. The ward would have been heaving. I hope it all goes well for your dc.

3cats4poniesandababy · 31/08/2021 14:07

Why is it mumsnet is a race to the bottom?

Just because your child was only allowed one parent at their op doesn't make it right. Maybe you and your family were okay but many people need the support of their partner when their child is in hospital.

Rather than go suck it up I had to. How about looking g at how we can best support patients and their parents? Which in many circumstances is having both parents their or at least very good visiting hours.

JaneJeffer · 31/08/2021 14:21

*Why is it mumsnet is a race to the bottom?

Just because your child was only allowed one parent at their op doesn't make it right.*

What are you on about? People were helping the OP by letting her know their experience. Nobody said it was right or wrong.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 31/08/2021 14:30

Its very difficult being there alone when you would otherwise have the choice to have company/support.

It's a strange day all round really.

I recommend eating well beforehand and having something ready to eat when they go through. I couldn't face/didn't want to eat before my DD operation but started feeling unwell, when she went through I forced myself to eat. It made me feel better and was a easy distraction, I didn't taste any of it but my body needed it. Everything went well but she was upset after and I was so grateful to have eaten as I'd have been no good to her the state I was letting myself get in. She just needed cuddles and reassurance not a faint woozy parent ready to be sick themselves.

Best of luck

MrsPsmalls · 31/08/2021 14:34

If you are prone to overthinking or freaking out might it be better for her father to be the one who attends?

CookPassBabtridge · 31/08/2021 16:13

I had to do this recently and it was fine. On a childrens ward there are tons of staff and they're all so friendly and extra caring (in my experience). I never felt alone.

bubblesr · 31/08/2021 16:28

If your partner can be outside or close then this is the best. It’s normal even pre covid that only one parent can go down to the pre op room due to space. Ask the nurse how long they are usually in for as the surgeon will tell you how long the op takes rather than the entire process takes, surgeons sometimes forget about time in recovery. Give the nurse your number so they can call when they are ready to be picked up. All the best xx

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 31/08/2021 16:30

You are normally only allowed one parent into anaesthetic room/down to theatre anyway, as you say you can let staff know you’re going outside for air once she’s under and meet your partner for a while outside then go back to the ward for her coming back up. Generally it’s also one parent overnight anyway and staff should support you it’s a difficult thing to go through but it’s not just you, it’s every parent that’s going through it as every unit is the same. Hopefully things change and you can speak to nurse in charge of you’re struggling at all they can let you swap at their discretion

Blossomtoes · 31/08/2021 16:34

@3cats4poniesandababy

Why is it mumsnet is a race to the bottom?

Just because your child was only allowed one parent at their op doesn't make it right. Maybe you and your family were okay but many people need the support of their partner when their child is in hospital.

Rather than go suck it up I had to. How about looking g at how we can best support patients and their parents? Which in many circumstances is having both parents their or at least very good visiting hours.

It’s not a race to the bottom. It’s clearly standard practice and pps were being reassuring.
BungleandGeorge · 31/08/2021 17:08

@Cassie98761

I think that's what I'm going do, get my partner to wait in the car or somewhere else and then I can meet him. This is the first time any of my children have had surgery. I know I will overthink everything if I'm sitting there by myself.
It might also be worth checking exactly what they mean by one parent. It may just be one parent in the anaesthetic room (which has always been standard practice) and the other parent waits in the relatives room/ on the ward. Or it might be enhanced measures due to covid and the other parent will need to wait in the cafe or wherever. How long is the op? Have they said what happens about the recovery room?