Should I organise a party anyway?

[CastMeAdrift]

My soon to be six year old has chosen to have a day out at a theme park rather than a party with her class. I am of course fine with this but a nagging part of me, driven by my anxiety, is telling me the reason she doesn’t want a party is because she feels she has no friends.

I was seriously messed up by school and had a lot of depression and anxiety, which can still affect me to this day. So I know that I am projecting my own anxieties on to the situation. Something I’m desperate not to let rub off on my children. I in no way want my school experience to mar theirs. I of course have not mentioned anything to my child or pushed either option, simply gave her a choice.

It would be great to hear opinions, as I know I’m spiralling into anxiety over doing the right thing and can’t see the situation objectively. I worry she will feel sad and left out later in the year if she doesn’t have a party. Hers is one of the first birthdays.

No you shouldn’t she has told you she doesn’t want one. Please respect that. If she feels she has no friends in school (or if she really doesn’t which I hope is not the case) the worst thing you could do is organise a a party. Can you take a couple of friends even from out with school to the day trip? Then give them cake etc

If she doesn’t want a party it would be best not to organise one.

If she’s picked a day out at a theme park over a party then that’s your answer really. No need to go against what she wants because of your personal anxieties. Has she said anything about not having friends or are you assuming this?

She doesn’t want a party, please listen to her.

One of mine would always chose a day out over a party. It is not that he does not have friends, he just doesn’t like the whole class party thing.

Don’t force her to have a party if she does not want one.

I'd be thrilled not to have a party. And as your dd has chosen a day out instead I'd go with that. You are overthinking it.

Let her have the birthday she wants.

The most constructive thing you can do with your anxiety is to learn about ways of supporting your child's confidence and resilience so she's able to manage challenging situations. Eg in a non-pushy way, ensuring she is physically active, able to express feelings, has a couple of hobbies. But she is only 6!

If she feels like she missed out later in the year, there's nothing to stop you having a party then.

Generally, do you need some help to manage your own anxiety? You can't correct the shortcomings of your own childhood through your kids.

Thanks all. My rational brain is telling me the same. I will just go with what she wants.

My anxiety and depression are mainly gone from my life thankfully. I do have the odd flare up and since my daughter started school I find things like this hard and get sent back to how I felt at school.

I try my bloody hardest never to let on that I’m Anxious. I always just listen and sympathise if she’s upset by someone. I’ve done a lot of work and research on how to built resilience and confidence and how to support my children in a way they find their own path. I certainly am never going to try and “fix” my own past through them! That’s wouldn’t even be possible.

I just don’t want them to feel the way I did, but I know that is largely out of my control. All I can do is support and give them skills to deal with set backs/rejection, stuff I was never given, and be there to comfort not fix.

My DD sometimes said last year she’s has no one to play with, but I’ve never been dramatic or over the top in my response. I simply replied that “sounds hard” and sympathised and let her get it out as that’s what all the advise states. Then she’s happy go lucky again 5 minutes later.

Thanks for the replies it’s what I needed to hear.

If you're right, and she doesn't have any friends, then organising a party would be completely the wrong thing to do!

Give her the day she wants, not the day you think she ought to have.

If you gave her the choice then end up doing both either you will upset her because she didn't want a party or have spoiled her by having both and may set up expectation for future years.

If she goes to parties and enjoys them she may want one next year, she won't regret going to theme park.

She won't have the same issues you did because you are on the look out for this and giving her the tools to overcome it nice and early, almost everyone experiences some anxiety at some point so really good life skills.

He thankful, parties are hard work!

Does she want to invite a friend or two to the theme park? That was normal with mine as they got older.