Do I talk to my 13yo about weight?

[Seniorandjunior]

My 13yo DD has put on weight over the last year. For background, her Dad and I are fairly slim, healthy eating habits, I run a bit, H is fairly fit. It happened over covid. She is now 5’4 and 11 stone. I know this because she had an overnight sleep study in hospital. She has developed quite an amount of stretch marks. She has and has had idiopathic, very severe obstructive sleep apnoea since she was a baby. I know this means she may have a tendency to easier weight gain. The OSA is fairly well controlled, but this is variable. Otherwise a bright and healthy child.

I don’t want her weight continuing to rise. ‘Overweight teens make overweight adults’ haunts me. Yet I don’t want a child with eating ‘issues’.

Has anyone any advice for me? Do I talk to her? What do I say? She’s back at school and sports now so I’m hoping it will settle but what do I do. It’s quantities. We have v few ‘treats’ in the house. We make dinners from scratch (I always felt I was doing good) and they are decent packed-with-veg and not-much-fat dinners. She just likes food. What will I do. I know she doesn’t like it but I’m so reluctant to say something.

Has anyone any advice?

I second having a look at Rebelfit. Have lots of good unprocessed food around, don’t ban snacks or treats but don’t make them an everyday thing, above all encourage her to do activities she enjoys and appreciate what her body can do. Her body will find its level as she develops, as long as she doesn’t go down a diet path.

God forbid a teenager going through puberty gains weight, shock horror.
You know she doesn’t eat crap so just leave it. Her body is going through huge changes right now, it will all balance out eventually.

I think body shape changes so much in these years. My DD was mostly thin then chunky 12-13 years. Got her period at 12.8 and second period at 13.4. Now 14.3 and slender again.

After 1st period she slowly grew much taller and stretched out. Her diet did not change at all.

Keep food the same. Look at balanced plate and balanced pack lunch.

Explain a snack is small - 2 plain crackers and one slice of cheese or fruit and one biscuit.

Keep sugar to a minimum in the house.

My DC know that if they eat the mini choc bars and baby bel, there won't be any food for school lunches.

I am a poor house single parent - they don't overeat because the food isn't in the house. I can't afford it but they just think our house is normal.

Point being, consider what they learn as normal and what they see as normal for food and find the absolute happy healthy middle ground.

@Regularsizedrudy

God forbid a teenager going through puberty gains weight, shock horror. You know she doesn’t eat crap so just leave it. Her body is going through huge changes right now, it will all balance out eventually.

This is naive and I suspect poor advice. There’s quite a bit of data that shows that overweight children and teenagers very often become overweight adults. And it’s much more likely if you ignore it and hope it’s just going to magically fix itself.

When I do overnight oats I use an old jam jar - looks cute and portion control?
It does sound like a lot of toast, what does she have on it? Does she need a snack in the evening? Is dinner too early? I’d probably try to reduce the amount of days she has toast, or maybe reduce to once a day, just suggest she has something else? Maybe it’s convenient for her to do herself? My 11&13yr old like tinned fruit (in juice) as an evening snack every now and then.
Do you think she has anymore growing in height to do? I put on some fat before I stretched upwards.

Minty that’s so great to hear! Gives me hope. Your DD has really turned it around

I'm now trying to follow her example!!

@Regularsizedrudy

God forbid a teenager going through puberty gains weight, shock horror. You know she doesn’t eat crap so just leave it. Her body is going through huge changes right now, it will all balance out eventually.

Surprised it took this long.

She’s back at hockey now. And wants to start tennis lessons.

No please don’t mention her weight. She’s doing some good cardio team sport, she will be absolutely fine. Hockey keeps you seriously fit. Her diet is great. Her fat stores could be because she’s about to have a bit of a growth spurt, she’s only 13. Keep encouraging her healthy lifestyle and very very slowly it’ll all work itself out without the need to mention calorie control or introduce any food or body complex issues!

So this week for instance I bought DD 3 packs of strawberry shoe laces, a multipack of 6 25g packs of crisps and DS his Tangfastics and a multipack of crisps. I'll buy 2 packs of not the most popular biscuits for what was the snack drawer, along with 6 portions of microwave popcorn. I have a drawer full of ice pops in the freezer and a very small supply of haagen daz mini cups in the freezer as its summer approx 3 per week each. We have Diet Coke to hit the cold sweet spot as its summer.

I dont know if this is too much too little but it's all they get. Once it's gone its gone for the week so they've learnt to draw it out.

We always have melon, strawberries, grapes, apples, pears, nectarines, plums etc depending on the season.

Weight gain is far more complex than “fat child = fat adult”. Women actually do need body fat and different amounts of it at different times in their lives.

@Seniorandjunior your DD eats healthy homemade meals so that's a good start! Reduce the portions though because you can still put on weight even by eating too much healthy food. It doesn't have to be just junk food you know! It's about calories. The odd digestive is fine and I think once she's back to school and active sports it'll resolve itself without needing to say anything. Also let her take up tennis (if you can afford it!) ad that's a great sport for burning calories!

Smartiepants that is my worry. I don’t really believe it goes away on its own.

She does have a little more growing to do. I’ll keep an eye. There are bits I could watch better. Toast. Portion sizes. Things like honey/maple syrup on her oats, prob a ‘fine’ portion. Lots of fruit and veg.

I’ve changed the dinner times - earlier, later. I haven’t been successful in cutting the after school snack or the evening snack whichever way I work it.

It’s been helpful writing all this and all your replies. Thank you everyone. I’ve been in a worry-spin recently. I’ll keep a watchful eye for a while, get her back to her sports. And she is quite sporty. Flipping covid played havoc.

If she doesn’t snack, and isn’t eating lots of sweet things, the problem is the portions you are serving. Cut back on them gradually.

Would she return to her gym now- even just as a trial. Wes a baggy shirt and shorts?

From your menu up thread it sounds like quite a bit of bread- for example with the chickpea curry Nan AND rice seems excessive unless it’s a small amount of both?

I serve all my suppers on shallow bowls. One because most things are saucy ( mcurry, chill etc) abs the higher sides helped my kids scoop the food out when they were little. But what I have noticed is that when I put the same amount of food on a flat dinner plate, the portion looks small! In the bowl it looks normal. So maybe think about switching to bowls?? bowls

My DD doesn't snack anywhere near as much as she used to but she does have the following if she fancies/needs it.

Ryvita crackerbread with low fat cream cheese
Sliced apple with peanut butter
Little chicken satay skewers which she makes herself

She also has baked oats for breakfast and a fairly normal evening meal. Doesn't eat much in the way or pasta or potatoes but likes rice.

Lunch is something like a chicken salad (wholemeal) wrap and a yoghurt.

She's nearly 17 now and has worked out a calories deficit for herself which I certainly wouldn't recommend discussing with a 13yo, but might be something you want to look into for meal planning purposes.

I just get nagged to buy lots of salad, oats and peanut butter!

@Summerfun54321

Weight gain is far more complex than “fat child = fat adult”. Women actually do need body fat and different amounts of it at different times in their lives.

Of course it’s a lot more complex, and some people are naturally different shapes and sizes. I am NOT an advocate for restricting children’s diets or removing all ‘treats’. Putting a teenager on a no carb diet is a terrible idea in my opinion. Especially not without their full cooperation. But I think anyone who believes it will just go away if they ignore it and the child will just magically be slim by the time they’re 18 is probably kidding themselves.