Is anyone else disappointed with their family?

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

Not everyone in my family is a dick, but most of them are. My dad was abusive to us growing up, my uncle is an alcoholic who tried to feel me up once when he was drunk and is constantly emotionally abusive, my aunt (his wife) is an enabler who buys him alcohol and has 2 spoilt brat kids (my cousins) with no manners, my partner also has 2 selfish grown up kids who go out of their way to make his life hell aided by a manipulative mother. Yet me and my partner are the most quiet, easy-going people who try to do everything by the book and never try to cause trouble for anyone- obviously we’re not perfect but we’re really not bad people. What the hell did we do to deserve this?!

It upsets me a lot (selfishly)when I see other people with such lovely families who love them and make an effort with them. Does anyone else feel this way and if so what are your coping mechanisms? As I’m ready just to cut everyone out right now.

I have no coping mechanism but I'm exactly the same. I weep when I look at others with doting grandparents etc.

Never had grandparents on either side and never really got to know my cousins, particularly on the paternal side. My dad never really bothered. My mum slags everyone off so it’s like a taboo topic. I found out I have an adoptive sibling a few years ago but we don’t speak a lot, shame really. I definitely feel envious of a couple of friends who have lovely big families who have get togethers and fun with each other.

Yes, two brothers who just don't want to know, total disinterest and no contact unless I initiate it.
I don't know why I keep trying

I feel your pain. Didn’t really know either set of grandparents. Didn’t like them when I saw them. Didn’t really know my cousins. Didn’t know my Uncles. Had some content with my Aunt but my father didn’t get on with her .
I hardly ever see my siblings and don’t have a close relationship. My mother and I don’t get on.My father is dead. Neither were loving parents.
It’s really sad.

Years of brilliant therapy (and I mean years- I sacrificed holidays and a car for a while because I knew I needed it) and understanding friends.

I usually feel a bit jealous at Christmas etc so I remind myself that I usually feel this way and it’s okay for me to feel it. I usually tell a friend that I really like her family and wish that mine was like it. I try and spend a lot of time with them too or talking to my friend about their families so I don’t idealise it- this usually helps me to realise they aren’t perfect!

I actively choose to spend time with people who have good boundaries and healthier ways of managing their lives too so the majority of my interactions are with them rather than family.

Haven't spoken to Mum/dad in about 18 months, various aunties and uncles (cousins etc) that I haven't seen or spoken to in decades. Husbands family are mostly just as bad.
Unfortunately we can't choose who we are related to!!!

Yep, I feel you.

One side of my family just pretended I didn’t exist after my parent died in my teens, and my other side are mostly dead through alcoholism.

My husbands family are all pretty useless and a bit weird.

Makes me sad for my kid.

Yep disappointed in my dad for having no interest in his dcs or grandchildren. Disappointed in mil for basically the same as above. Harder with mil though as she used to be so involved and now, nothing. When we do hear from her she just goes on about sil, her other grandchild and what they've all been up to together....

My brother's an unhelpable alcoholic and my mother's an irresponsible, feckless narcissist who's hated me from day one. Christmas is a hoot.

My mum and stepdad put £20K of debt in my name when their business was struggling. I found out years later when the bailiffs called (Phoned, luckily, not putting their boots in my doorway).

Apparently he had spoken to me and I had agreed a payment plan and never even made the first instalment. I explained I never knew anything about him and he assured me it was me who he spoke to as he confirmed my identity. I told him that my mum also knew all my details such as middle names and date of birth. He almost swore and said, "And that's your own mother who's done this?"
I told him that I had no assets and was 8 months pregnant working 4 hours a week in a cafe for spending money. My only solution was to ask him to take me to court so I could get a CCJ and be able to declare bankruptcy, he told me he wouldn't do that as no one would win. They wouldn't get their money either way, it would cost me £500 in fees that I didn't have and it would really impact my life badly for years. He returned the debt to the bank as unretrievable instead.

I never went NC with my mum though. Either way I would owe £20K. I figured my kids could still have a grandma. Turns out it didn't do much good. She lives in the next village and my kids are 14, 11 and 9 and she never so much as pops over for a cuppa to see them and if we go to hers, she carries on with whatever she's doing even if it's just watching telly. She does give them chocolate bars though so... maybe she heard that's what grandmas do?

Yes, same. I grew up with a god-awful family.

My grandad was abusive, and the effects of this plagued my mother (who was not awful, but made a lot of bad decisions because of this) and her sibling who went off the rails, and unfortunately, is a vile person now; we have no contact with them.

Lots of alcohol issues within my family.

Lots of violence and police involvement with certain family members. I grew up believing that the only way to solve issues with people was to shout and scream and intimidate.

It messed me up, and to this day, I still struggle to get along with DH’s family, simply because they’re nice and normal and I just don’t get it.

I think most families have their issues, despite how they might look from the outside. But yes I think if relatives are having such a negative impact then its completely OK to distance yourself.

I live 120 miles from my family. There's a reason for that.

My mum is amazing and my siblings are great. My grandparents were largely awful.

My dad has recently turned into a crashing disappointment which I’ve found really hard to come to terms with and DH has been helping with it as he long since realised his are all fucking monsters so he’s experienced with family let down.

When I look at my circle of friends, they’re dealing with an array of awful on one side or the other. They either reduce or cut contact, they’re the happier ones, or they continue to suffer with unrealistic expectations and the hurt of not having them met.

Most families feature a range of crazy, some more toxic than others.