Does anyone else have a DP who interferes when you’re trying to get on with parenting?

[SpicyJalfrezi]

Interferes is way too harsh but it’s 245 and not sure what else to say … baby starts crying and I go to see to baby. DP comes out to ask if I need anything which disturbs baby even more. Nearly got baby back to sleep and DP comes out again to ask if we’re all right baby jerks awake and is staring at the looming shadow over him.

I’ve had to put the baby down because I’m so fed up. Now have to get him to sleep

Has your dp any experience of babies? If not, he probably has no idea he's disturbing baby. He's probably appalled at the idea that you have to get up in the night and thinks something is wrong . At least he's offering to help.

Just explain that it's normal, sometimes it takes a while and he should go back to bed.

Have you spoken to him about this?

Er, the baby is fast approaching nine months - I’m not talking about a newborn!

No, because I’ve been trying to get a baby back to sleep!

Maybe let him go settle the baby? Assuming he’s the father of the child he’s going to have all the same concerns and anxieties as any other parents. Appreciate he cares enough to get involved, albeit badly timed

Yes, but it still has the same end result. I’d maybe appreciate the fact he cares enough to get involved if I hadn’t been up for over an hour now while he’s tucked up in bed. I’m not meaning to sound ratty but well intentioned or not I’m still getting no sleep tonight.

@SpicyJalfrezi

No, because I’ve been trying to get a baby back to sleep!

There are other times during the day to speak to him. He's not a mind reader and he just might be trying to be helpful and make sure you're OK.

My DH used to do this! You've just reminded me! He would appear when I was just on the verge of getting DS to sleep and interrupt everything. I would shush him and tell him to go away and his feelings were all hurt then. Eventually I explained that DS gets excited when he knows his dad is nearby and wants to play which wakes him up and he listened then and stayed out of our way (most of the time)

Next time he interrupts though why not accept the help and let him settle the baby back to sleep?

He’s not offering to help as in ‘I will take DS’ though. I think it is a guilt thing. And I have asked but if someone keeps ignoring you there’s not much else you can do. I don’t think it’s so much that he ignores me, to be fair, more than he forgets but I do reserve the right to be a bit fed up about it when it’s me up for hours in the night.

If he's coming in repeatedly to check on you, he's not really gaining anything by not taking the baby, because he's awake the whole time anyway. That doesn't sound to me like he's trying to avoid doing the work. Honestly, it sounds more like he doesn't want you to bite his head off later for not offering to help. Try asking him during the day if he could be the one to get up and settle the baby tonight. It seems like he's willing to try to do it.

I obviously haven’t explained it very well. Never mind. Ds finally asleep.

I ask for the help I don’t wait for an offer - I was nearly there and you’ve woken baby so your turn, walk up and down a billion times till baby’s asleep again. Night!

My dh used to come in from work and not slam but shut the door behind him with a loud snick, and ds1 would jerk awake. So I handed him the baby until he learnt.

In fairness there was a thread not long ago where a woman was saying she was pissed off her DH didn't get up with her when she had to go to the baby. So it might just be that he thinks he's being helpful but you're looking at it from you thinking he's trying to get in the way and he doesn't want to be seen as lazy for staying in bed when you're up.

My Ex did this. I would have DD almost back to sleep then BAM! He’d put the light on in the bedroom and she was wide awake again. His reasoning was “you can't see what you're doing in the dark” then he would huff back to bed because “you won't be helped” leaving me with the light on and a wide-awake crotchety baby!

I know what you mean, he won't take full responsibility so you don't need to get up. Arrives at the last minute and upsets things again. My husband would offer to go and get the children from activities once I had me coat and shoes on and keys in my hand. So he wasn't wishing to do it, just absolving himself because he offered. Drove me nuts!

@SpicyJalfrezi where does the baby sleep, in his/her own room? If so, get a little snip lock on the inside of the door near the top so baby can never reach it and when you’re trying to get baby to sleep lock the door so your other half can’t disturb you and piss you off

I’m not sure locking him out is wise!

He is trying to help, but honestly this baby is driving me mad. Why is it so hard to sleep when tired!

Ask him to make you a herbal tea and something to eat. He'll probably stay in bed the next time.

@SpicyJalfrezi you aren’t locking him out, just tell him you’re ensuring baby isn’t woken up by him keep popping in

@SpicyJalfrezi

He’s not offering to help as in ‘I will take DS’ though. I think it is a guilt thing. And I have asked but if someone keeps ignoring you there’s not much else you can do. I don’t think it’s so much that he ignores me, to be fair, more than he forgets but I do reserve the right to be a bit fed up about it when it’s me up for hours in the night.

Well next time he pops in say, I'm done, here you get baby to sleep and literally hand him the baby and go back to bed. I spent a few days at the end of last week doing everything on my own and on Saturday he went back to bed for a lie in and I sat there feeling cross then realised what's the point in being a martyr? So I got up and told him to watch the kids and went for a 2 hour nap. It was ace and we were both much happier after- me because I had rested and him because I wasn't angry anymore.