Genuinely need advice on how to keep going

[EduardoImagined]

I am very lonely and never get a break from serious stresses of life. I know everybody has problems and many people manage but I cant remember the last time I had a week without stress or a year without something seriously stressful or traumatic happening. Have suffered from depression for so long (almost 30 years) and have had no support from anyone in the past. Have a relationship now but life is so difficult on both sides that I'm not sure it is helping either of us, despite him being generally a good man. I have tried to get help before but each time it has led to nothing or created more disstress for me. When I have tried to talk to (only a few) people I get told I should right a book or it sounds like a soap opera. They don't realise how hard that is to hear. I have learned to hide away so I affect others as little as possible. I am a quiet person who didn't invite the things that have affected me so much. I feel like I can never recover now and the future seems so bleak that I don't even want to get out of bed most days. I wanted to believe the comments made by some that things would get better. Ultimately they haven't in 30 years. How do people survive this, I really need to know

Can you afford counselling op?

My life is similar atm, I’ve booked some sessions with a counsellor.

I could have written that post I can really relate to what you've written.

I'm finding that antidepressants are helping me and generally trying to find comfort in small things. I have no expectations of the future and just take one day at a time. If you can read, that can help to distract you from negative or bothersome thoughts. It gives your brain a bit of respite. The antidepressants also calm the negative thoughts down as well.

It's always helpful to get support if you can through talking to a therapist, but it's understandable if you can't access or afford one. I think there are some mental health organisations who can provide some support though.

Life can be tough and relentless. I try to hope things will settle down at some point.

I begged for counselling from my GP over 10 years ago after a very traumatic experience but I gave up after 4 months because they expected people to call every few weeks to prove they still needed it or they took you off the list. The stress of remembering to do it/getting through to reception on top of everything else was just another anxiety issue I didn't need. They knew my reason was more than valid. It was just so unnecessary. I've been on anti depressants over the years but they eventually stopped working and the Dr never followed up after sticking me on them. I have anxiety meds I take when I'm desperate now but that is it. I tried again at nhs counselling a few years back but it was just online and the unhelpful/hurtful responses became too stressful to deal with. I can't afford private support. Have tried free options but I have had one person tell me we get back what we put out to others. This is so damaging to say to anyone who has suffered at the hands of others and I couldn't cope with feeling bad. A charity option I then tried was a lovely guy who called me every week. He listened and was sympathetic and down to earth but after the first call he would just be silent if I stopped talking. Agsin it just became stressful to feel like I had to talk and what was the point really...I hear the same crap.in my head every day. He was lovely and trying to provide something to make me feel I wasn't alone but unfortunately all it did was left me feeling like there really is no help or way to stop feeling the way I do. I have been screwed over by my family so my financial situation (that I compromised on false promises for their benefit) is now such that I can't even think about the future as what I believed in that would see me possibly be able to pay to get some help has now disappeared. I just feel like a shell most of the time unless I am being attacked by overwhelming anxiety. I dont want another 20 years of this.

You are not alone
I have struggled with life stuff for the last 30 years and it's getting worse. Noone I could trust and no support network.

Like u, I found counselling pretty useless, no one would come close to understanding unless they lived through similar and I am not regurgitating all the painful stuff to strangers because none of it will go away until my dying day.

AD made me feel a bit detached and a bit numb so stopped that long time ago as felt I wasn't "present" when I should have been.

I find most books shallow and pure escapism and real life stories often too tragic so I don't read my h anymore.

The only respite I get is being out of the house and distracted by nature and exercise like walking, sometimes just meditating quietly in a beautiful spot.

But the reality is never far away and I often cry myself to sleep at night.

You are not alone.

I tried to reach out to a few people (including close family). Some had put things all over the Internet about being kind and considering what others are going through. Lots of supportive things about people suffering from depression and how not to dismiss them but when I even vaguely approached them about how I was feeling they all 'stepped back'. That was something I was told one person said they were actually doing. I have been called selfish because of the mental breakdown I eventually suffered that resulted in me giving up. I have never been selfish in my entire life. To be told I am when I am in such an uncontrollable spiral with noone to turn to is just another soul destroying thing to crucify myself with. I tried books too but the only ones that remotely felt relevant didn't end well and it just made me feel so hopeless. I'm so used to hiding away I have lost all confidence. I wish I was well enough to go out and take my dog on long walks but the stress of being in public or driving to get away from here is just too much alone. I lost my dog this past year and I just and overwhelmed with guilt that I made her last years as shit and isolating as mine.

Life is hard and full of pain, I guess we all keep plodding along because there is little other options.

I have more than plodded along with my life. I honestly have reached breaking point and since then it is a battle to get up every morning. For some people plodding on through everything isn't always possible.

@EduardoImagined

I have more than plodded along with my life. I honestly have reached breaking point and since then it is a battle to get up every morning. For some people plodding on through everything isn't always possible.

I know..I'm the same,.could sleep all day but we get up and carry on, while feeling rubbish.

I stopped wanting to carry on a few years back. I didnt succeed but now I feel like I'm living a life where that is hanging over me. Like it is inevitable. I just can't cope with anything anymore. And when I say anything it is still serious stuff like my business failing and me having nothing to back me up because of how stupid I have been to trust people who should never have hurt me and left me in this situation. Some days I think I would be better off out of my current situation but the reality is that none will employ me so I really am stuck with the very stressful business I'm in that could fail any time through no fault of my own, despite all of the hard work and so many years of utter commitment that I have invested in it for nothing. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling rubbish and I hope that you find more to get you through the days.

@EduardoImagined are you still taking your anti depressant and anxiety medication regularly? Maybe people pull back because they struggle to put loads of energy into helping someone who doesn’t seem to be wanting to help themselves but taking the medication the gp has prescribed to help. If you find your ADs are not helping then speak to your gp and find ones that do help.
Please get professional support. The councillor who just let you talk all the time - well that’s what they do, they want to get you talking about your problems because a lot of the time we bottle everything up and when we say it out load it eases the burden and that’s what he was trying to do. Sorry it didn’t quite work out but I think you should give it another shot

In my case people never tried to help at all. I have kept my 30 year struggle to myself until a breakdown which was when I needed support and noone was there for me. I have also used meds for a long period at times which is why I know that the effect can diminish but again drs aren't interested and will just switch to something else. They don't care much about the other effects they can cause either. I have also talked a lot to the professional I have tried but ultimately talking never actually changes anything. I already know what happened and how I feel about things. I keep reading about therapies to help but ad of yet I haven't encountered anything that is more than just talking and honestly being told to lie down, breathe and imagine I'm in a field is quite frankly not something that helps me through the day. To tell me to get professional support suggests to me that you haven't been through the he'll that is NHS mental health 'support. Or maybe you have better services in your area. Unfortunately where I am there are no services available and I can't afford private treatment.

OP, keep trying anything and everything that's within your reach.

For me self-help in finding a new passion and meeting new people with shared hobby of exercise being surrounded by nature.

I don't and wouldn't share much about my life with them, but just enjoy being somewhere where I wouldn't go on my own and concentrate on that.

In some way, I understand that taking my mind off home life gives me some respite.