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Challenging behaviour from DS(6)

11 replies

Flymeoutofhere · 29/08/2021 15:58

DS(6) has been displaying some challenging behaviour over the past 2 months or so and I’m at my wit’s end. Yesterday I absolutely lost it with him and screamed at him. I have apologised but I keep crying and feel I’m on my knees.

DS found both lockdowns exceptionally hard as an only child but together with help from a family worker at school we have helped him a lot. He’s regressing again though and I’m at a loss - he physically attacks me when told ‘no’ to buying him a toy in a shop. I have been kicked, punched in the stomach, breasts, and arms, and spat on. He also screams. I have had to physically bundle him out of shops on so many occasions and then he screams that I’m hurting his arm or hand.

If he doesn’t get his own way with different things or he’s not happy about something he starts screaming, says he hates me and never wants to see me again. Sometimes the screams are absolutely blood-curdling and his latest was in a restaurant when he decided his portion size of chicken satay was not enough so he started this horrific screaming. He was removed from the restaurant until he calmed down.

He seems to have lost all ability to speak nicely, is frequently rude, and has been told off by DH and I’s family and friends, other children even, and three times by shop staff. Yesterday I told him 5 times to put down an item on display at the checkout and the shop assistant said “listen to your mother. Do you not understand the word no?” (We know him).

I’m so ashamed, embarrassed and angry with him. I’ve tried talking to him countless times about this behaviour, more appropriate responses, and if anything is worrying him, does he feel upset/nervous etc but he says no.

I’ve told DH we are not taking him shopping or to restaurants anymore as his behaviour is just diabolical and the stares from people make me want to have the floor swallow me up.

OP posts:
Spaceformetoo · 29/08/2021 17:11

He sounds upset or frustrated about something and is taking it out on you. Can you speak to the family worker at school again? He’s too old at 6 to be behaving like that.

Flymeoutofhere · 29/08/2021 21:07

Yes there’s definitely something going on with him but we just can’t work out what. Or how to handle it as nothing we try works - ignoring, walking away, telling off etc. It’s the physical attacks that are really affecting me as he’s so wound up and aggressive with it.

OP posts:
mintiesforus · 29/08/2021 22:01

That sounds like it’s really a tough time for your and your DS. Something is definitely affecting him so as the pp said maybe ask the family worker again. Covid has affected some children’s MH so I’d get this addresses in case that’s the root cause.

trunumber · 29/08/2021 22:34

Have you considered going to the GP to ask for help? It sounds really hard and a lot to be managing yourself

AmyDudley · 29/08/2021 22:42

Is it just for the last couple of months and he was a reasonably behaved child before?

If so, I echo what others have said, and also do take him to the doctor. A little boy I was working with a few years back started behaving really badly and it turned out to be a food intolerance, changed to gluten free diet and he was like a different child. But obviously I'm not advocating you change your child's diet without medical advice - just thought it was worth mentioning, so at least it can be ruled out.

AmyDudley · 29/08/2021 22:44

I'm sorry - I missed the bit about him struggling with his behaviour during lockdown as well, but maybe still worth considering a dietary problem.

Flymeoutofhere · 29/08/2021 22:49

@AmyDudley yes it’s just these past couple of months or so (excluding lockdown) that his behaviour has deteriorated. Prior to that it’s just been the usual stuff for his age.
He has a GP appointment this week so I will ask.

OP posts:
Flymeoutofhere · 29/08/2021 22:51

@trunumber I will ask the GP as it’s been so hard. He’s making life miserable for us all sometimes so we need to get to the bottom of what is upsetting him Sad

OP posts:
trunumber · 29/08/2021 23:07

Best of luck OP, I do wish I had better advice but I do hope it passes for you all soon

Just to check, none of you ever sometimes give in to his demands do you? Just that behaviourally that's worse than always giving in. Intermittent reinforcement will escalate his behaviour so just make sure everyone who cares for him sticks to the same rules in the same way.

It can also help to explain the rules to him when he's not asking for something so he knows ahead of time. And reinforce positive behaviour, give negative behaviour as little attention as you can

I'm sure you know all that but thought I would mention anyway

IndecentCakes · 30/08/2021 03:28

I know your pain. Wish I knew the answer.

MosaicLife · 30/08/2021 04:03

Does he behave this way with everyone, OP? Meaning are there any situations/environments/people with whom he doesn’t behave like this?

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