People telling you you look pale/tired-why?!!

[Bigpjbottoms282]

Specifically my elderly neighbour and my MIL. Every single time I see them I'm greater with 'oh you look pale/tired'. Yes I do cause I'm fucking knackering running around after everyone including you 2!! What do they want me to reply?! I usually just say 'do I?' and quickly change the subject. It makes me feel shit about myself though, I don't know why they do it! I find it really rude!

I tend to answer with “ummmmm... thank you?!”

I find it really quite rude, but get it quite often. I am tired. And generally quite stressed!

Saaame!! I get told I look tired/pale even when I’m super well rested. It’s usually because I haven’t put any makeup on and sometimes I have a face full of makeup and they still say it!

Oh my dm says this to me all the flipping time and it drives me mad! I'm very pale skinned, it gives me the rage!

I get that too. I’m very pale skinned, have had dark circles under my eyes since I was a kid, and I don’t really bother much with makeup other than a bit of concealer. It’s extremely annoying when you’re completely healthy and well rested and people suggest otherwise. I can’t help how I look! Well I suppose I could if I wore make up, but why should I just to appease people?

Thanks for the replies, I love 'you and me both'. I'll try it next time, very interested to see if they take offence when I throw it back at them!

I thought I looked pretty good today, popped in to see our neighbour as she gets lonely and I'm literally greater with 'oh you look very pale'. It's opening the door to someone and saying 'well don't you look like shit'.

If I was saying that I was tired due to something or feeling unwell and they then said 'yes you do look a bit tired/pale/under the weather' I could see it as them caring but it just feels like a way of bring unkind. I never get a compliment off either of them even when I've made an effort or have something new on or something.

I've heard it said a lot to people who don't look tired, it's just that they aren't wearing makeup/fake tan like they usually do. I look completely different without makeup, it does make me look ill/tired.

I think it’s really rude too. Would you say ‘You look really awful today’ to someone? It’s basically the same thing just under the guise of faux politeness.
And what good is it meant to do? Surely if you’re tired you already know that. Or are you supposed to have some sort of revelation and go ‘Wow that’s it - I must be tired, I had no idea, thank you so much for pointing that out!’ 🙄

I love the response ‘that’s just my face’ 😂

Only happened to me twice at work. Both times I was pregnant - and one of those was before I had even tested

Generally if people say it to me, it's because I am. I don't wear make up so people are used to my natural look.

Family commented on DS looking pale when we saw them at the start of the holidays. He waa... because he's got an inner ear infection so is often feeling off colour and run down. Plus it's not been a good summer for getting out and getting the sun; when it wasn't overcast it was too hot to be out for fun.

It can be said out of caring but if said too frequently it's annoying.

It’s reminded me of another ‘concerned’ comment I’ve often had. ‘Have you lost weight - just your face (note: not my arse 😂) seems thinner?’

I just say ‘No I just look a bit haggard due to aging’. That shuts them up 🤣

I would never say this to be rude , it is meant as a show of concern that someone has bothered to notice you don't look your usual self. Would not use to a stranger as yes, that could be their natural look!

I always look tired and pale, I'm anaemic and have very low ferritin levels (I need infusions regularly) but having it pointed out never helps.

I’m very pale and get this comment almost daily, I respond with “as always!”

Drives me nuts

I hate it. It’s too often a euphemism for ‘you look bloody awful’.

And precisely what does it achieve to say it - unless they’re going to follow it up with, ‘Why don’t you go to bed and sleep - I’ll look after the kids/dog/feed the cat/cook and clean for the next 24 hours.’

Fat lot of good being ‘concerned’ unless they’re going to offer action as well as words.

"well you look old/your fashion sense is dire, but I won't say anything because it wouldn't be polite". Or just stare. Either works.

I would say the wonderful opposite was my fantastic HR manager back in the day; I crawled in after trying to organise emergency flights from 3am and she said ‘Slothkin, you look dreadful. Go home and sleep.’

You must think I'm rude because I tell people they look tired if they do. It's how I'd like to be treated so I treat others that way.

So the majority of people on this thread that have said someone has said it to them have pointed out that it’s upsetting and they are offended by it. Would you still say it knowing this? If yes, it would be like you are going out of your way to be unkind which is very sad.

I get this all the time if I’m not wearing make up/don’t have a tan. It’s annoying and rude but mostly I think people say it as random small talk, I would literally ignore it. Also MnS tan drops are good..

I used to get this all the time from customers when working in retail on the days when I couldn't be arsed with makeup. After a few times of hearing it from regulars I just told them I'm always tired, some days just too tired to put a full face on to hide it!

I'm quite tanned naturally, but my dp went through a stage of saying it to me, I found it really annoying.

At my brother's wedding recently my mum looked at me and said "you look hot, your face is hot and sweaty" Ummm yeah thanks for that, it was during that heatwave and I was on bloody crutches.

A woman I knew at uni said the same thing - every time she saw me - I suggested that was just how I looked and she should just stop going on about it.