SN DC using credit

[Fuckingklarna]

Long sorry. I’m worried that my DC will get themself in a mess with credit but I’m not sure what, if anything, I can do. The are early 20’s with autism, high functioning but very emotionally immature and prone to huge outbursts if things don’t go their way. They live in sheltered housing, in a self contained flat.

I am their appointee with DWP for benefits, they are on a supported course at college, so is a student. They are still registered with the bank as living here, as there has been a lot of movement over the past 3 years at different care settings, and I wanted to make sure they were really settled before I changed things. I’ve just found a statement they have left lying around with a Klarna payment. I can see them getting themselves into a right mess with this, as they don’t have the financial maturity or self control to manage money properly, which is why I am the appointee. Is there anything I can do to nip this in the bud? Should I? DH thinks we should let it play out to make them see how serious it is. I have no faith that the subsequent payments being met, so I’m assuming they’ll get blacklisted. Does anyone know how Klarna operate in these situations? Thanks

I don't think your DH is right.

But if your child is able to learn from consequences, can you story board the situation of getting into debt and the potential outcome? Would they listen to the explanation?

Have NC’d for this BTW (bobble plate, terrifying Easter bonnet etc)

Could you have a conversation with them about it? How are they with budgeting in general? Autism is such a wide ranging condition, the steps you take need to be tailored to your child. Do they have a support worker?

There's a move away from the term high functioning because it implies we have a good level of capability/ understanding across all areas. I'd be careful using it if speaking to banks, credit providers etc (and the DWP!) as they'll make assumptions that are not helpful.

We did have a huge discussion about this, as they went from a Go Henry card where I had more control to a standard debit card. Luckily the benefits are paid to me and I hold back money for utilities, phone etc and some contingency. They only have to feed and clothe themselves, which is the issue! I’ve made it clear that if they overspend and don’t have food money that we won’t bail them out with cash, but will provide meals with us instead. My huge worry is that if they don’t learn now then they setting themselves (and their sibling) up for huge problems in the future when we aren’t around. They are generally quite capable but just seem a bit young for their age and loud, with other people they can ‘talk the talk’ so we often seem unreasonable until they do something stupid, which happens a fair bit.

And I hate story boards! But they are helpful for others. That's why the solution needs to be tailored to their abilities and learning style, what helps them will be completely different for the next autistic person.

Completely agree that your husband's approach is wrong. It would be very overwhelming (and potentially quite dangerous) to end up on the receiving end of debt collection letters and calls. Better to try and address the situation before that occurs.

Thanks CorrBliney, I didn’t know that. I’ll stop using it as I can see it’s often not helpful. There is a support worker but they are on holiday at the moment. They are excellent so I’ll speak to them when they get back. I’ll know if the second payment isn’t made as the letter will come here.

Oh this worried me for our future!
Do you know how much money is involved? If it's not a lot, maybe it's worth letting it run and see if he can learn from the consequences. If it is, then you need to step in ASAP.
Is your DS legally able to make a contract if you're his appointee? (I'm not sure what this means legally)

We have a sn family member who did similar. She ran up huge debts, God knows how without an income apart from benefits but then she also ran up debts in a siblings name too.
It was an awful mess abd took ages and cost her mum a lot of money to sort out.
Unfortunately she did it again a few years later so didn’t learn (although she was capable) so maybe your husband is right

Could they have a set budget for clothing, and anything beyond that they need to have a chat with you first?

It's hard for both of you, you're all trying to work towards a level of independence which is positive. Maybe suggest you can sit down and review how that's going? Don't make it solely about this, you could talk about how college is going, how they're feeling living away from you, any problems with friends or people at college.

A storyboard wouldn’t be suitable. They say they understand about credit but I suppose the temptation was too great. They also won’t expect me to know about it and will have convinced themselves they can manage. If I ask outright then they will have a huge meltdown so I need to approach this carefully. I was hoping there is some way of preventing further credit due using MLD as a reason with the companies.

A good support worker is worth their weight in gold!

I can't say strongly enough that letting them get into trouble is not the solution. If they struggle with their emotions and feel they'll be judged for their mistake (whether their feeling is legitimate or not), the consequences of the situation could be catastrophic.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Could they have a set budget for clothing, and anything beyond that they need to have a chat with you first?

It's hard for both of you, you're all trying to work towards a level of independence which is positive. Maybe suggest you can sit down and review how that's going? Don't make it solely about this, you could talk about how college is going, how they're feeling living away from you, any problems with friends or people at college.

This is what they have. I transfer money twice a month to cover food, clothes and spending money. Everything else is ring fenced so they don’t overspend. Most of their friends are NT, so I'm wondering if it’s something they all use to get new stuff

Could you set up a credit karma account in their name, it's free and shows your credit rating along with any credit you have and how you are using it. It doesn't work in real time though some things update monthly others quarterly but it would give you an overview of how much credit they are using and if they are being responsible and making payments appropriately so you can step in if necessary.

I think I’d rather contact them and ask them to not extend any further credit, which might happen anyway if the second payment isn’t made. Not sure the company would talk to me though. DH is already dealing with another drama caused by behaviour, so I think he’s run out of headspace and patience just now. He’s usually the more measured one.

Thanks everyone, I’ll speak to the support worker and work out an approach. I really want to nip this in the bud as I don’t want running a debt to be normalised. I can foresee it being an issue for the sibling to have to sort out in the future if we don’t deal with it now.

I'm in my early thirties, an autistic adult (though if we aren't allowed to say we have Asperger Syndrome now, nor call ourselves high functioning, how are we supposed to differentiate ourselves from other forms of autism and communicate our specific needs??? But that's a whole other rant) and my DH has to manage my money for me. I just can't do it myself. I'm in the process of trying to acquire benefits and a support worker. I just can't do any of this on my own, silly as I sound.

Sometimes, I really feel as though after years of learning nothing that will serve us in the real adult world, school simply hands an autistic person their qualifications and leaves them to get on with it.

Your DC's situation is far from unusual. Personally, (and bear in mind, I'm not a parent, let alone a parent of a child with autism) I would discuss this with the support worker first. They should be able to help you come up with a plan of how to tackle this. They will be used to dealing with autistic adults who have difficulty managing their money, so please try not to be too worried about that. They will also have seen much worse. In the grand scheme of things, one Klarna payment won't be too bad - though I appreciate that this will seem like an insurmountable barrier right now.