Hi there, just to say this may be a long one! I'm writing this today to help clear my head and speak about some of the worries I'm having being a first time mom-
I wanted my baby more than anything in this entire world, there was a long journey of ttc and sadly losses but along came my beautiful rainbow baby boy who is just so perfect! I worried about him my entire pregnancy even though I had extra scans and monitoring due to some health issues nothing eased my worries, all I could think was I want him here now safe in my arms!
He was delivered due to emergency c section due to reduced movements which was so worrying but when I held him he was gorgeous
Now to the venting part; I am a massive over thinker and worrier, always have been but lately it's just taking over! Anything ever related to parenting I feel like I need to read up on in case I'm missing out or doing something wrong, i feel like I need to know about every part of it like how it affects relationships, life in general or other things even though it's not actually relevant to me, what's bothering me most is the fear of SIDS it just consumes me, I feel like I've read every possible thread on both here and netmums trying to find ways to prevent or if anyone knew of any possible causes, I've read all the nhs guidelines on safety and looked at bedtime wear and crib safety on YouTube.
I feel like I need to be prepared for every possible situation or emotion, I'm terrible for Googling things or letting things people say get to me! I've had people say I'll regret my baby, it will ruin my life or relationship and honestly I've read up on some threads and I don't feel this way!
Another thing that worries me is accidental co sleeping I've had people tell me how their partner/family member has fallen asleep with their baby and so on, we're extremely careful with this and there's no particular reason I should be worried its just another thing someone's said and I've looked it up and gotten scared as there's been some cases in the UK where people have lost their babies to SIDS via co sleeping, the thought of that happening just makes me feel cold inside, I keep having this nightmare about this happening and then being put in jail forever it's just the saddest most hurtful dream
I am planning to make an appointment for some counselling, I don't think I have ppd I believe its ppa that's an issue here, I've looked into both and it seems I'm more anxious than anything
Thank you for listening, this is a pointless rant but I just needed to share this