OLD

[Bodgedboxdye]

I’ve recently become single after 5 years, so I’ve decided to try online dating.

I’m talking to a few people (sporadically) however, there’s one I like the most, but unsure if he’s interested?

So we matched a week or so ago, and chatted fine. He carried on conversations and it flowed. Then he started leaving me on read which meant I had to message again (a few days after) and if I haven’t, we don’t speak. I hate being the one to message first, especially if I’ve sent the last message as it feels like they’re not interested.

The conversations fine once we talk, it flows. It’s just that that’s making me wonder.

What would mumsnet do?

With OLD I think it’s worth meeting sooner rather than later. Back and forth messaging usually led, in my experience, either to unrealistic expectations that made for a slightly awkward and disappointing first date or to a gradual fizzling out because one party just lost interest in writing a ton of emails. I’d suggest one more message inviting him to meet for a coffee or early evening drink, and if he doesn’t say yes I’d leave it and move on.

@RoseAndGeranium I asked if we wanted to meet this weekend but he said he had to work. He usually doesn’t come online until late at night (usually 10-11) as he says been working and can’t use it through the days as it’s too distracting. (:

Hes not interested, he is using you as an ego boost when he's bored. If someone is interested they will message back without a reminder

I would move on from this one.

Brave if you OP for dipping your toe. This one's in the move on category.

I've been flirting with signing up myself, I can't get past settling up a profile page! There ought to be an OLD profile writing service like the ones you get for polishing your Cv!

@TSSDNCOP give it a go, what do you have to lose?

And just state your interests, that’s what I wrote.

Merr, well after asking him if he wanted to meet up and him turning me down, I decided I wasn’t going to message again (this was Thursday) so I’m just not gunna bother now. (:

I wouldn't message him again to meet up. It's his turn now. If this were a friend who you'd like to turn into a bf I'd be more persistent, but this is just a stranger at this point.

It's a numbers game. Keep going! 💪🏼

OLD is partly a numbers game unfortunately. People drop off inexplicably and most of the time it isn't worth pursuing them. As PP have said, if a man is interested he will not need prompting to reply, whatever reason he might give for not doing so. Keep looking and I hope you find someone nice.

Thanks, guys.

It’s so annoying because when we talk, it’s back and forth, I messaged him last weekend and he apologised in the delay and then was asking how I was and what not.

I won’t message again, I’ll leave the ball in his court.

For the delay**

Sorry but it sounds like he's in a relationship. Not available until very late at night? After she's asleep? Non comital to messaging or meeting up, but not a flat no either? He's playing you.

@nowwhat50 it’s crossed my mind.

But he did ask if I wanted to video call, so.. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry OP, but I’d cut this one loose. Not wanting to meet but keeping you hanging on is a bad sign.

I’ve done it again. What the heck!

So on Sunday, was on a dating site and came across someone I also follow on social media. I then messaged him to ask if he was single (coincidently I was actually going to ask him if he was single, I just didn’t have the courage” we had a lovely chat all day Sunday and arranged to meet up Monday. (Yesterday) he did say that he might not be able to as he felt in pain (has an injury) but would let me know.
Monday comes around and he hadn’t let me know. I had to ask him, we had a brief convo and then stopped talking. The last message I sent wasn’t something repayable. He hasn’t messaged today.
We did say he would meet up in a few weeks.
My question is, should I also bob this one off too? Why do I pick them? /:

There are a lot of flakey people out there, OP. Don't let it dishearten you! The trick with OLD, as I recall, is not to invest in anyone very much until you've actually met up in person. A lot of people who are new to OLD are actually quite ambivalent about the whole thing, and that can mean that they umm and ahh and eventually back out of meeting even if they quite liked the idea of you. In other cases people may have been doing it for a bit too long and have become a bit blase and jaded, and that can mean they flake out just because they can't quite face another date. Other times they're just not particularly sincere. There are loads of possible reasons, which and this is the important part are pretty much always to do with them and absolutely nothing to do with you. How could it be? You've never even met. So whilst it can sometimes feel like rejection at first it's important to remind yourself that, until you've met up with someone face to face, there's no way they can have made a sufficiently informed judgement about you for it really to be that. Similarly if someone you've just started chatting to seems super keen it's worth bearing in mind that this also probably says more about where they are with OLD and dating in general than how they're responding to you specifically.
That being said, what do you mean by 'the last message I sent him wasn't something repayable'? Do you mean it was sort of a conversation-ender? If so I wouldn't necessarily write him off but I also wouldn't be checking in with him regularly.

@RoseAndGeranium yup, that’s correct. I did message him tonight and the convo was nice. He said if I do message him not to feel like I’m pestering. He has got out of something intense but does want to meet next week. So shall see what happens.

It’s so weird how we work. I’ve spoken to a few men on OLD, some grab you, and others don’t. This one has, and I don’t know what he has that no other man doesn’t. /: