I’m rich! I’m rich!

[Soubriquet]

Got an email today. Apparently an account I never knew I had, has over 2 million pounds in it and I need to claim it by midnight or will taken away

Soooooo, what do you want? I’m buying

Congrats OP. 🎉👏🏆

I'm very sad that no prince, Nigerian or otherwise, has emailed me on any of my many accounts. Is it something I said?

Perhaps you could pay a very minor dignitary to do so? I'm not fussy, as long as they have a gilded robe and some form of headpiece.

Thanks so much for sharing your bounty. You are a good egg.

Could you please buy me a narrowboat? I would really really like this. It could even be second-hand, just a nice place for me to have a bit of peace, and take the children away at the weekend.

Thank-you.

Can you send me a shekle for the life changing injuries they tell me I sustained in a car accident that I wasnt even driving in, I was walking to my motor and saw someone reverse into it .

When I twig its a scam and ask them "Well you know all about it , you tell me" they lose the caring attitude and hang up.

So a giant bar of Galaxy or something ?

Wait. What? ....are you me?

Can you help me with a HMRC tax bill? They say that I owe £18k and I will get arrested if I don't pay up.

I really must speak to my employers as it sounds like they have really messed up my pay and deductions for income tax.

Oh wait….is this a joke or not? I’d really really like a narrowboat

@Mybalconyiscracking

Also I’d quite like to hire someone to beat the shiny shit out of the human refuse that keeps ringing my 80 yr old Aunt and telling her she needs to move her money to a safe account. She has dementia and it worries the life out of her.

Can you not arrange a ‘trusted callers only’ facility on her phone? Dcs of an elderly neighbour did this after she spent an absolute fortune - many, many thousands - on ‘fees’ for a £1m ‘lottery win’ - for a lottery she hadn’t even entered.

So unbelievably naive and trusting - and simply wouldn’t have it when we told her it was a scam. The people on the other end of the phone were always ‘so nice!’ God rot the evil bastards.
The person who originally hooked her told her that she worked for NatWest.

I swear her details had got on to some ‘suckers list’ because of her addition to wordsearch ‘competitions’, where you so conveniently phone in all your details at God knows how much per minute.

It's OK @Topia. I'll but you one just as soon as my prince appears. Should be very soon ...

BUY!

I'm still searching for a reasonably priced dressing gown if you could help with that?

I'm on a time limit though as hmrc have almost caught up to me. Can't quite remember what I've done, something fraudulent. Probably around the same time as I failed to pay my TV licence and invited that woman over from Thailand to be my hot young lover for long time pleasure.

Oh, you're so Lucky!

I've been having lots of good fortune this week, too. Lots of lovely ladies have been messaging me to say they'd like to get to know me better. Lola, Zoe, Ingrid and Sasha. I can't wait for a girls night out with them, they sound so much fun.

Can you pay my bail for me? Apparently I have the NSA after me due to fraud. I dont know what the NSA is or what fraud I committed but it sounds serious. They keep calling me and leaving messages, it's just a matter of time before they show up at my door.