If you had your first DC at 40 or older, did you go on to have more?

[DozingDoughnut]

If you gave birth to your first DC at 40 or over, did you go on to have any further children?
Just wondering how common it is for older first time mums to have more than one. Thanks

Had 1st at 38 and 2nd two weeks before I turned 40.

Only DD at 40. In my eyes I got it right first time and wasn't about to tempt fate by going for a second who would no doubt turn out to be Satan 2.0.

Had first at 38, second at 42.

I had DD at 41 and DS at 43. I was very lucky and had no problems getting pregnant or during pregnancy and birth. I didn’t meet my DH until I was 40, so that’s why I ended up having them later in life.

@TempsPerdu - certainly is. Mine is too, most of the time.

I worry about up ending her wee happy life if things don't go well!

@TempsPerdu

Had DD at 40 currently very torn over whether we are going to try for another. Through all the years of ttc and when I was pregnant I was convinced we would just be so grateful to get our one we wouldn’t push our luck and try for any more. DH still feels that way I think. I’m insanely broody and would like to try again but also scared of trying in case it all went wrong and ‘ruining’ the happiness we have with our beautiful DD.

This is exactly me, except I had DD at 37 and am now 41. DD was a demanding baby (colic, reflux, non-sleeper/napper) and only since she turned three could I even contemplate having another. I never really had a strong biological urge to have kids until DD was born, and then we were sure we were ‘one and done’ (DP still is I think) - but now the guilt is kicking in about not giving DD a sibling, especially as there are no cousins or extended family. At our age, though, I’m terrified of pushing our luck, especially as a friend’s second baby turned out to be profoundly disabled - it really made the risks of later parenthood hit home.

This is me too (or me three )

First at 38, now 41 (and a half). Premature baby, but all fine despite my everlasting anxiety.

I can't believe I'm still thinking about a potential second - it's a mind how much I ruminate on this.

[quote TempsPerdu]@MiniMaxi @MissOrganisedMe It’s so difficult isn’t it? I feel fine about things, mostly, and DD is an absolute delight and seems happy enough - but then two kids is so much the societal norm (all but one of our NCT group have recently had #2) and you read depressing threads like the current Only Child one on here, and it does make you second guess yourself.

I was so, so sure I only wanted one (until about 35 I didn’t want any at all!) but it’s impossible to say whether my current feelings are hormonal (last chance saloon before menopause), peer pressure or genuine broodiness.[/quote]
Cannot believe how similar we all are @TempsPerdu @MiniMaxi @MissOrganisedMe - I also lost twin pregnancy (a year ago). Go back and forth in my head daily about what is best and obsessively read about only children on all forums. It's so hard. I think if I was 30-something I'd probably go for it, I've been so scared about rolling the dice again that I've barely had sex

... this whole year!

(Sorry pressed send too soon)

No I didn't, but I knew I would never want more than one DC and have never regretted that decision. Had my DS at 42.

@MiniMaxi @MissOrganisedMe @isthisouting Clearly there’s a fair few of us out there! Thing is, I’m pretty certain that for me I don’t want another child; I’d be doing it exclusively for DD, to give her a sibling and to avoid the miserable, isolated life that so many posters on the Only Child thread seem to believe is her fate.

But I’m 41, only just feeling vaguely human again after pregnancy and BF, finally getting a bit more sleep, wanting to reignite the career that I pretty much sacrificed to have DD. Plus I really don’t think I’d cope well with the additional noise and chaos of two DC. And as pps have said, it’s another roll of the dice, which at our ages (DP is several years older than me) is no insignificant risk. I really don’t think I want to start over again… but there’s always that nagging doubt about what could be.

@TempsPerdu (and others facing the same dilemma)

If you want to stop at one please have the courage of your convictions to do so. I did and I am so, so, so glad I did.

I’m a mum of one and I absolutely love it. Only have to focus on DD, can plan life / weekends / holidays around her needs & wants - no need for her to miss out on activities because of money or because a certain activity is not suitable for a younger sibling.

She’ll be going to private school & while we don’t spoil her in terms of material possessions, she’ll be able to pick & choose her hobbies, including expensive ones if she wishes! We can fund university & help her onto the property ladder.

Most importantly though, I just have so much time for her, I’m not pulled in different directions.

I also have time for me (as does DH) and am heavily involved in a sporting hobby which is amazing for my physical & mental health. It’s also easy to get a babysitter for one well behaved child.

DD has been in nursery part time since a year old & is very sociable and kind. Another parent recently complemented me on what a lovely child she is. All that “spoilt lonely only” stuff is utter rubbish. (My own best friend is an only child & is one of the most stable, independent, interesting, awesome people I know).

On the otherhand I have 2 siblings & we are not close at all. Unfortunately one of my siblings has some severe mental health issues which have seriously impacted my own relationship with my mother in recent years as my sibling is so dependent on her It’s the source of much sadness & worry in my life.

I also have a friend who went on to have child number 2 even though she’d struggled hugely with no.1 & she’s now completely and utterly overwhelmed and struggling to cope

I also very sadly have a friend who had a severely disabled last child (at about age 40 although not sure if her age was a factor) which has had a huge impact on her & her existing children & turned their life upside down.

If you want another child then have one. But please don’t bring another human into the world to provide a sibling

We planned to, but it became obvious that my musculoskeletal system is just not designed for pregnancy! I didn’t want to be immobile with a little one to look after or to have to rely on family to look after her, so she remained an only!

DD was due when I was 42, but I had her when I was 41 as she came a month early. She was my only pregnancy and we had only tried for a few months before she was conceived.

Lashings of contraception since then have kept her to an only child which 5 years later is still a very happy right decision for us.