Is it alright to give children a choice

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My DH has been criticising me all week for giving the DC (4 and 8) too much choice around what they eat. For breakfast I’ll usually ask if they want toast or cereal. Lunch is sometimes a choice between two things, ie sandwich or wrap and dinner is whatever I’ve cooked for the whole family. He reckons they should have whatever they’re given whereas I’d rather give them a degree of autonomy and know that they’ll eat it. What do other people do? Am I really spoiling them?

Mine get w choice for breakfast and lunch. Dinner is what we’re all having

Imagine never having a say over anything in your life.
Choose your clothes
Breakfast
This or that activity.

My kids don’t dictate everything but they need to learn to make choices. It’s a life skill. And I also think it affects their behaviour if they are given some autonomy.

It's also incredibly damaging if children are just expected to do what they are told, take what they are given etc.
They need to learn it's OK to say no, or that they would rather do something else. And that it's OK to make a choice and change your mind etc.

Mine are all adult now, but when they were little I’d give them choices where it didn’t matter.
So…you want to wear the red trousers or the pink dungarees?
Or you want strawberry yoghurt or raspberry jelly?

It didn’t matter to me what they chose but it gave them a chance to make small decisions. To realise that their choices had consequences etc. “Do you want your green jacket or your yellow Mac” they’d reply “neither” they’d be the one getting wet when we walked to the shop (honestly about 200metre away)

Carry on letting you little ones make small choices, it will give them the confidence to make the bigger choices in their future.

YANBU, there is a different between giving them a choice between this and that and letting them design the weekly menu. They get a choice at school dinners surely?

I’ve always given mine a choice. I get to choose so why shouldn’t they. Likewise if I don’t like something or don’t fancy it on occasion I extend the same courtesy to them.

I give my kids choice. A few people have said to me they shouldn't get a choice and should eat what's given...but I know my kids and there is nothing worse than making food that goes in the bin as they won't eat it! As they have got older I have introduced different meals to them and they have got better with age. I know my kids more than others so I continue doing it my way. You do you op

A choice between 2 or 3 acceptable things is brilliant for development and allowing them to have a feeling of control.

Cereal or toast?
Do you want to wear the blue top or the green top?
Do you want orange squash or blackcurrant?
Do you want to take your doll or your teddy shopping? (My mum used to use this to stop my sister insisting she take her scooter).

DH always says the reason I can never decide on anything is because I was never allowed to choose anything when I was a child. I wasn't allowed to choose my clothes, food, school subjects, activities, music, haircuts etc. until I left home. It was (and still is) incredibly damaging.

I've always offered my children a choice from a very young age. DD has always been allowed to choose a haircut, clothes or food. I give limited choices but on the whole, let them get on with it. You're doing the right thing!

I think this is normal. My older DC (9, 10 and 11) have made their own breakfast for a few years now, they love choosing for themselves and it’d honestly feel weird pouring cereal for them.

The very fact that you are asking this question is depressing. Do you like having a choice OP? If so, apply that to the other humans in your life.

Of I have mine a choice!

Obviously there are occasions where it’s not possible to have a choice or only very limited options.

Children should learn from an early age to make informed decisions as choices regarding things like food, clothing etc.

I’m not sure the issue here is good choices.

Why is he criticising everything? Is this your normal dynamic? Has he taken time to educate himself in parenting styles and child development or is he just undermining you?

That should have said “food choices”

I do that with my two year old. Sometimes the meal is whatever I make but sometimes she gets a choice. And she always gets to choose her breakfast (from a set of options). Children need to have a little bit of control of their lives.