New relationship and STD

[Compassion]

I'm a long time lurker but this is my first post. I'm in a worrying situation and I'm hoping someone can offer me some reassurance.

I'm in a very new relationship. We had been texting and talking on the phone for a couple of months. I really like him. We are both early 40's. I don't have children, he does have children who he doesn't live with but sees regularly.

We met up a few weeks ago and got on really well. We slept together (very safely using condoms). We've both been busy and haven't seen each other since - but we are due to meet up tomorrow evening.

Today, I discovered a little spot/ulcer near my vulva. It's completely painless, but very pronounced....it looks like a mouth ulcer. I don't think it's herpes as there is zero pain or discomfort. I have some knowledge of STDs from a previous job I did. As soon as I saw it (while showering) I thought this looks like syphilis (stage one)...which completely correlates with when I had sex with him. I'm hoping there will be another explanation, but to be honest I will be extremely surprised if it isn't what I suspect.

I'm really shocked because I know that syphilis is still quite a rare std and I will be gutted if that's what I have. And we used condoms very carefully (although I know this one can be passed on even with condom use).

I phoned the sexual health clinic this afternoon. They said I have to phone tomorrow morning at 8am to try and get a phone appointment. And then if I manage to get through, they will book a phone assessment with a doctor ...and then if the doctor feels it's necessary they will ask me to attend for a face to face appointment for an examination/tests.

I'm just so gutted. I've been single and almost completely celibate for so many years... and the first time I let myself start to fall for someone this happens.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about our planned date tomorrow. I guess it depends on what happens with the appointments.

If they think that I do have syphilis I will definitely tell him. Obviously I'm worried about how he will take it.

I have experienced sexual violence in the past and have worked hard to overcome my feelings of guilt and shame. So I'm hoping this doesn't affect my recovery.

Just wondering if anyone here has had this. It sounds so awful and shameful. Sort of looking for a hand hold to get through tomorrow.

Please be kind.

Oh my lovely, big handhold. No answers, but i do know how you feel. I found out my ex DH was having an affair when i was very ill and developed horrifically painful sores on my vulva. It was Herpes. I was 32 and had never even kissed another man. I will never forget the shame and fear of sitting in the GUM clinic waiting for an HIV test.
You never know, theres always the chance it may not be an STD, but even if it is, be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong, you were sensible and responsible and sometimes shit just happens. Do you have anyone you trust IRL to talk too? What do you want to happen with your new man if it comes back positive?

Get yourself to a gum clinic pronto. Don't just hope it goes away. Get him to go to.

It could be anything at all. I have a condition which causes abscesses but I've had lumps snd bumps that look like everything from an abscess to an ulcer, some painful, some not

@Redannie118

Oh my lovely, big handhold. No answers, but i do know how you feel. I found out my ex DH was having an affair when i was very ill and developed horrifically painful sores on my vulva. It was Herpes. I was 32 and had never even kissed another man. I will never forget the shame and fear of sitting in the GUM clinic waiting for an HIV test. You never know, theres always the chance it may not be an STD, but even if it is, be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong, you were sensible and responsible and sometimes shit just happens. Do you have anyone you trust IRL to talk too? What do you want to happen with your new man if it comes back positive?

Oh gosh that must have been awful . I hope you are okay now. Thank you so much for your reply and kindness.

.... I have got a friend IRL I can talk to. I'm supposed to be meeting her for lunch tomorrow.... depending on if I get an appointment at the clinic.

...with my new man.... I'm not sure. It's all hypothetical at the moment until I get to the clinic and find out a bit more.

I won't hold it against him if he has given this to me because it's extremely unlikely he would have known. But how he reacts will be important.