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Original poster

Please can I just tell you about my rubbish time

15 replies

handtofold · 25/08/2021 13:48

We went to a big park but it was quite packed. DS is autistic and has no danger awareness so will run out in front of people on swings and try and lay down where roundabouts are! But he's terrified of going in himself

He loves the slide but often tries climbing up of it instead of just sliding down, again in the way of people. Lots of upset when I remove him

I took him to a tiny park nearby our house and there was a little girl there. The little girl being around the same age and she seemed very friendly and sociable l, shouting 'Hello! Want to play?!'

Obviously DS didn't reply, he can't speak. Seemed like he was completely ignoring her too which of course he was but not out of his own rudeness etc. Her mum very quickly said 'don't worry, some children are just very rude' I said quickly back, I'm sorry but he doesn't speak at all. So he can't say hi back to you

I wasn't looking at the mums reaction but the girl just nodded her head. Then of course he wanted the slide with the climbing frame and the little girl kept following him, saying please play. I said very gently to her that I'm sorry, but he doesn't understand. She looked so disappointed Sad

Nothing scary happened, but I had to remove him from the park because she wouldn't stop shadowing DS. He can lash out if you invade his space too much. So I had to remove him

Obviously this then results in lots of screaming and trying to attack me. I got him safely to the car and then just sat crying

Why is life so bloody unfair? I feel so crap. I can't even take my child to a park

Just wanted to get that off my chest

OP posts:
Piemam · 25/08/2021 17:22

Oh dear. It's good that you advocated for your child, I understand you are most likely hyper-vigilant all the time! The little girl appears to have understood a little. Hopefully the next time will be better.

Wilmaa · 25/08/2021 17:32

Op this is what my park experiences are like!
I'm very sorry for how rude the lady was, it does hurt.
I was hurt by a lady in my local park too and it resulted in me taking my DS when no one was there, we go early morning. He has the full place to himself and runs wild and free!
Should it be this way? Of course not.
But it saves me tears and I know DS is chilled and enjoying himself and of course safe from being flung by a swing.

A lot of soft plays around us are doing autism sessions, do you have any places like this around you?
It has honestly been amazing, DS does his thing and I am not worried about judging eyes who have no idea.

Sending love Thanks

Petal2021 · 25/08/2021 17:33

So sorry 😔 are there local SEN parent groups you could join to help and maybe do park trips together?

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Miseryl · 25/08/2021 17:46

I can't stand super clingy annoying kids like that- my youngest is NT but just a timid antisocial child and she quite often attracts cling ones like that who won't take no for an answer. If I was the other mum, id have called her off when it was obvious he didn't want to/couldn't play.

Polkadots2021 · 25/08/2021 18:06

@handtofold

We went to a big park but it was quite packed. DS is autistic and has no danger awareness so will run out in front of people on swings and try and lay down where roundabouts are! But he's terrified of going in himself

He loves the slide but often tries climbing up of it instead of just sliding down, again in the way of people. Lots of upset when I remove him

I took him to a tiny park nearby our house and there was a little girl there. The little girl being around the same age and she seemed very friendly and sociable l, shouting 'Hello! Want to play?!'

Obviously DS didn't reply, he can't speak. Seemed like he was completely ignoring her too which of course he was but not out of his own rudeness etc. Her mum very quickly said 'don't worry, some children are just very rude' I said quickly back, I'm sorry but he doesn't speak at all. So he can't say hi back to you

I wasn't looking at the mums reaction but the girl just nodded her head. Then of course he wanted the slide with the climbing frame and the little girl kept following him, saying please play. I said very gently to her that I'm sorry, but he doesn't understand. She looked so disappointed Sad

Nothing scary happened, but I had to remove him from the park because she wouldn't stop shadowing DS. He can lash out if you invade his space too much. So I had to remove him

Obviously this then results in lots of screaming and trying to attack me. I got him safely to the car and then just sat crying

Why is life so bloody unfair? I feel so crap. I can't even take my child to a park

Just wanted to get that off my chest

I'm so sorry OP. But you know what, in that scenario the little girl needed to just learn to get on with it. Not everyone should have to play with her just because she wants to. That's hers to cope with, not yours. Don't feel duty bound to fit in with anyone for any reason, just do your thing and let your boy do his thing as much as you can (I get it's the crappy responses like the unbelievably ignorant mother in the park that are the real problem Herr, just saying, don't feel bad about putting your own needs first). If I was with my son's and we met you and your son in the park we'd be happy to fit our play to fit your play, if you see what I mean.
Strafficy · 25/08/2021 18:15

Honestly? I would have said to the mother “I’m sorry but my son has autism, he cannot understand your daughter and I bring him here so he can have some freedom, could you ask her to give him some space please”

bluestarthread · 25/08/2021 18:50

Sorry for your crap day. I have a nonverbal child who seems to attract every over-zealous child. We usually have a conversation about how she doesn’t talk, and they want to know why. I usually say that some children are born blind, or maybe without an arm, and that my girl just was born and can’t speak. They usually accept it and move on eventually - she’s also liable to bash them if they get too close!
You’ve every right to be in the playground, hopefully next time will be better. You’re doing a good job!

ShingleBeach · 25/08/2021 19:01

Bad behaviour if the other mother.

“Dd, sometimes people just need their space, you asked and he didn’t say yes so off your go to the swings now…”. Passive aggressive comments are never OK.

Did the mother hear you say he can’t speak? If you explain to the parent they can (hopefully) manage their kids behaviour.

But yes it is hard and it is unfair and the daily grind of this stuff must get you down.

I once found myself in a park very early in the morning with one sole child and mother. She looked a bit anxious when we arrived, and I guessed pretty quickly that her Ds had ASD. Or very similar.

Anyway, we chatted, she said she always arrived as early as possible before any other kids came because of the difficulties in mixing with other kids and the attitudes of other parents. And anyway, it suited her Ds bit to be in a crowded noisy space.

girlmom21 · 25/08/2021 19:09

Funny that the other mother is quick to say that children can be rude but wasn't quick to pick up on her own shortcomings!

LotLessBovver · 25/08/2021 19:13

Sorry you had such a time of it. Flowers

I remember those days well. We could only do parks when it was either very early or when it looked like it might rain. They were the only times that the park was relatively empty.

The local ASD group was a godsend when DS was younger. They hired out the local soft play centre for a couple of hours. The freedom to just be was amazing. No funny looks or comments and the knowledge that you were with people who knew exactly what it was like.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you both. Brew

Tal45 · 25/08/2021 19:33

So she considered your ds rude but was happy for her daughter to follow him around. I feel a bit sorry for the girl too though, she obviously was desperate to interact with someone, why didn't her mum play a game with her.

Original poster
handtofold · 25/08/2021 19:46

Thank you Thanks

I think I'll try earlier park times now. I've been doing the whole park thing for over 2 years now and he's always been like this and it's always a disaster more or less Sad

Can't do soft plays in general because I have to watch him like a hawk and he runs up to people sitting by with their beverages/food. He's so bloody quick there have been times he's grabbed things before I can physically stop him

See also people having picnics! A few months ago he was on a climbing frame, I looked away and looked back. He was gone. 5 mins later (a long time for a missing disabled child), I find him sitting amongst a family eating crisps and fruit shoot like absolutely nothing was out of place and he was their DC!!

I was so thankful they seemed so lovely and caring but I was so frightened and it could've been awful for them too if they really really didn't want him there

OP posts:
adeleh · 25/08/2021 19:49

I’m so sorry, OP. Agree with others that the other mother should have been more sensitive and handled things differently.

furbabymama87 · 25/08/2021 20:00

Other people in public can be annoying. My teenage DS and his cousin were playing football on the park and a toddler aged about 3 kept hanging round them, trying to take the ball. The mum was just stood there watching with a grin on her face, obviously thinking it's cute. My son and his cousin walked off and this kid and the mum followed, with the kid trying to take the ball, mum grinning stupidly, saying nothing. Some people are just ignorant.

flowerpootle · 25/08/2021 20:04

Sorry that happened OP. You sound like you're doing a great job meeting your DS needs. Thanks

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