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Original poster

Vent: people who refuse to engage with online admin for privacy reasons!

17 replies

daysofmuffins · 25/08/2021 13:30

Venting really. Planning a holiday with a friend and he's refused to register for a hotel website to book one of the three hotels (others booked by me) because of privacy! So asked me to do it instead...

One of the hotels asked for our passport details, again he's refused so I have to do it.

He's refused to book our train tickets for privacy, so I have to do it. Or we have a half hour faff at the train station while he sorts it out.

He won't use Google maps to find our destination... guess who needs to do it.

Ex-P also refuses to download the bus app, doesn't have online banking etc etc. Making organising anything with our DD particularly annoying and I have to do it. He won't pay for anything online.

So basically it comes down to me to do these things instead. Another share of the mental load. They are perfectly happy for me to carry the privacy burden!

Drives me crazy, not to mention wastes my time. How to others feel?

I totally get the privacy thing but it feels somehow thoughtless and privileged to expect other people to do it on your behalf all the bloody time!!! Particularly when you have parental responsibilities.

OP posts:

Smeds · 25/08/2021 13:41

My DM is like this. She gets my DB to order/book things online for her and then goes into the local bank several times a month to put money in his account. Did all this during the worst of lockdowns too.

Only way to get them to do anything is to refuse to do it yourself and leave them with no choice.

LarsErickssong · 25/08/2021 13:44

Yep my Dsis is like this it drives me crackers. Yet she has a smart phone which IMO means all your data will be out there anyway.

234Pepperplant · 25/08/2021 13:58

How in the world does looking up something on google maps infringe his privacy? Does he realise hotels in some countries are legally obliged to take passport details of all foreign guests, booked online or not?

Sounds like a total pita to me and I’d not be holidaying with someone so irritating.

Kithic · 25/08/2021 14:00

oh fuck off! he's a lazy arsehole - dont go away with him if he wont

He's "worried about his privacy" but what about yours?? ok for you to register

TooWicked · 25/08/2021 14:03

You seem to attract men who are lazy gobshites who expect women (you) to run around and do their bidding - AND YOU’RE DOING IT?!?!

Why?

BoredZelda · 25/08/2021 14:10

I can understand people who refuse to use tech because of concerns for their privacy. I'd refuse to do anything on their behalf though. If they choose that, they can deal with it.

Usual2usual · 25/08/2021 14:13

I used to work in a bank and the amount of people who wouldn't confirm stuff (security questions) because "you might be trying to steal my identity" was insane - they were incoming calls btw they had called the bank!

People are thick.

I remember one who was complaining about their card not working, they had been recently sent a new one and I was trying to figure out if they were talking about the old or new card so I asked for the last 3 digits of the card number they were having trouble with(I could see the whole number on the system) and they went mental accusing me of trying to steal their card details! ffs I can actually see your details I work for the bank, you phoned me! I didn't last long working there.

GoWalkabout · 25/08/2021 14:16

Honestly, tell them you won't be facilitating their arrangements any more as it is not reciprocated and if they are so worried about privacy why are they not up in arms about you doing it?

Original poster

daysofmuffins · 25/08/2021 14:16

Hi everyone, he is an old friend rather than a partner who has always been like this and is definitely concerned about privacy more than laziness, it's just much more obvious during a holiday...!! Next holiday I shall definitely refuse.

Ex-P is and always has been a lazy arse with privacy paranoia. We split up not long after our kid was born and I have 100% care. So I have just accepted it with him... too late and like arguing with a stubborn ox!!!! Just leads to meltdowns and dramas when I question it.

I'm just irritated by the innate privilege of refusing to do it and the expectation that other people will just do it.

Fortunately the rest of my friends are not like this. !!!

OP posts:

NoNotYou · 25/08/2021 14:19

Fuck that!

Palavah · 25/08/2021 14:22

I don't understand how your partner refusing to do online banking should become your problem?

Mintjulia · 25/08/2021 14:39

Looking up things on google maps means you are asked to turn Tracking on, which I guess is what he's worrying about. He could always say no, it still works. And there are plenty of mapping systems that just allow you to look for a postcode, no privacy issues at all.

I keep most of my data privacy settings on 'block', and still manage to do everything on-line. It isn't difficult.

I think you need to say No. It'll force him to get to grips with this stuff.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/08/2021 14:41

can understand people who refuse to use tech because of concerns for their privacy. I'd refuse to do anything on their behalf though. If they choose that, they can deal with it.

I completely agree. If you value privacy, you don't ask others to vicariously give up theirs for your benefit.

It's like with money: if people need to (or choose to) be frugal by making simpler, less expensive personal choices for their own lives, all power to them; but those who just expect you to subsidise their preferred expensive lifestyle (the restaurant 'sudden wallet forgetters' and the non-drivers who constantly ask for lifts but never want to pay petrol money etc.) can get right in the bin.

Original poster

daysofmuffins · 25/08/2021 14:41

@Palavah It's my ex-partner, and it's related to things like him paying me maintenance or payments into my son's account and changing the bank details. I've been asking him to change a direct debit for about a year, but still no joy. Also when he owes me money!!!

OP posts:

flightofthewilderbeast · 25/08/2021 14:43

My sister is not quite that bad but not far off- hardly shops inline, hates giving any personal data online, doesn't even want to email or text bank details...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/08/2021 14:43

I agree with protecting privacy where possible - always search with Startpage or DuckDuckGo and never Google, always turn off non-essential cookies and such - but I don't then ask other people to Google something on my behalf, purely to protect my own data privacy.

MedusasBadHairDay · 25/08/2021 14:48

@Usual2usual

People are thick.

Those kind of people drive me mad, they don't seem to grasp that you need to ask the security questions for the purpose of protecting their data.

I worked customer services and we had one idiot who was upset he couldn't track his order, so we asked for his order number. He didn't have it. We pointed out it would be on his confirmation email, he told us he'd made up a fake email when he registered because he was worried about his privacy so hadn't received it. We asked if he could log in to his account and see the order number, he told us he didn't remember the fake email or password. So we asked for his address and date of birth to find his account, he told us he'd also made up a fake date of birth which he couldn't remember. Of course the system wouldn't allow us to find him with just his address, so we couldn't find his order, this was if course or fault and not his at all.

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