How to prepare for a difficult time.

[ImFree2doasiwant]

I'm going to be getting divorced. I'm happy to be, I ended the relationship. Separated several years. I can't wait to be out of the other side of it all, abd feel free of it.

But. I know its going to be horrendous. I'm suffering a bit health wise (nothing dreadfully serious, but I'm very anaemic, and hypothyroid, small children, work, exhausted etc..) I also suffer with stress and anxiety directly related to dealing with my ex.

I am really worried about the toll this is going to take on me, as if the effects of the marriage aren't bad enough.

I'd love to hear suggestions of how to keep a clear head with it all. How not to be ground down by the messages, gas lighting etc. How to stay positive.

Replying to my own post in the hope of some replies!

I'm going to set aside some time to go out for walks/exercise as this always helps me mentally. I keep thinking I need something to read, to keep a level head when the inevitable mind games begin.

That sounds like a lot to deal with and I think you are right to try and be prepared.

I would say make sure you build up your support network. Have a group of friends and family that you speak to one-on-one regularly and make sure that you have childcare in place so that you can do some things for yourself.

If you don't already ha e a therapist, that might be a good idea too. My weekly therapy session got me through some horrendous times last year. Having an impartial person to speak to is invaluable.

Agree with the support network. Identify friends who, when you have a rant, will lift you up rather than stress you more.

Write some affirmations on your phone in the notes to refer back to.

Thank you. My parents are great, but older and are helping financially I don't want to burden them too much. I do also have 1 very good friend in particular who I'm sure will be a lifeline.

I'm not sure I can afford to pay for therapy unfortunately.

Yes to a friend network. It sounds like you may be able ask parents to let you have some child free time?

Ask gp to refer to nhs counsellor
Everyone you start thinking of ex
Put your thoughts in a box on a high shelf
You don't need to waste time on them
Exercise

Very small step, but get a good basic multi vit and take that.
Are you seeing a Dr for the thyroid? try to address that ASAP.

Are you staying in the same home, or moving? If not moving, maybe start cooking 2 of the off meal and keeping 1 in the freezer for when you need an easier evening. And find some iron rich foods that you can easily keep and eat.

How do you know it's going to be horrendous?

@Sarahlou63 well he might surprise me, but its 20 years nearly since we got together. I know him well . He's been harassing, trying to gaslight me , still trying to control me. It's the reason I've been putting it off because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with it but after his recent behaviour I know I need to put an end to it.

I am medicated for the thyroid and anaemia but need to get a blood test as my hair is falling out quite badly

@TheSpottedZebra can you recommend a vitamin?

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@Sarahlou63 well he might surprise me, but its 20 years nearly since we got together. I know him well . He's been harassing, trying to gaslight me , still trying to control me. It's the reason I've been putting it off because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with it but after his recent behaviour I know I need to put an end to it.[/quote]
Do you need to interact with him or can you do it all through your solicitor?

Sleep op. Plenty of early nights..
And allow yourself a short window to gather your thoughts of ex /the divorce /stress every day and then close it off...
This is your time now. He has had enough head space I bet...

I have got a solicitor, but we will need to discuss and try to agree the financial settlement. We have children,so I can't cut him off completely. I am prepared to be (and am) reasonable he is not it seems which is something I still struggle with.

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday thank you your post has made me quite tearful.

@ImFree2doasiwant

I am medicated for the thyroid and anaemia but need to get a blood test as my hair is falling out quite badly

@TheSpottedZebra can you recommend a vitamin?

Don't waste your money on an expensive brand. But do get a complete, A-Z type multi vit and mineral. Eg Boots own brand level. And consider an omega 3 supplement too. But don't take the multi vit before you get your blood test, as you don't want to skew the results in any way.

Thank you, I'll get one for once I've had my next blood test.

I hate how I've changed as a result of my marriage. I'm anxious, and stressed, I dont trust my own judgement, constant overthinking. Add in the gaslighting behaviour, and the harassment and its safe to say its going to be a tough time. I need to keep focused on being out the other side if it all.

Allow yourself time to sit and let your mind wander / daydream / process stuff. Beware of having to 'be busy' or 'not waste time'. It is definitely not wasting time to just sit and allow your mind to think whatever it needs to think.

Even if you have loads of stuff to do, it can wait a bit.

Vitamin B complex will support your nervous system and help with stress levels.

A great one for menopausal women and teens doing important exam years.

I noticed a big difference when we were both on it.