Am I being unreasonable to expect help?

[emilybemilyboo]

Hi I ve recently left my abusive partner.I am staying in temporary accomadation it's not great.My mum in the meantime goensin holidays and tell me how much money she ve spend on her holidays..I know I am an adult but I think if this would be my daughter I would try to do something to help..I helped her in the past on many occasions...do you think she a selfish cow or I I shouldn't expect anything cause it's my mess and I am an adult....

I m not selfish.always was helping my family.

so I tell you what I will never judge or look down on single parents again.

Why the fuck did you in the first place?

You think it's linked? Never thought about it in that way...thanks x

When you have an inadequate parent it is always painful. Even as you get older and especially painful when you’re having a tough time and are in need of support you know you’ll never get.

Do you have other people who can support you?

Have you ever spoken to your mum about your feelings? Might be worth while or might be pointless. It was pointless for me but might be worth trying.

What was your mums own childhood like? My mum was oldest of many children and had very unloving parents (although she doted on them and sought their affection lots)…so I kind of understand why she is how she is.

Because of what my ex partner used say about them..that they get everything..take it's easy I admit it was wrong of me..calm down

Calm down?

You want your mum to give you money.

She, quite reasonably, is not offering.

Them's the breaks, once you're grown up.

I think posters blathering on about inadequate parenting and emotional support are missing the point.

It's only the cash that OP wants.

lord

Trust me.

I get that parents are complicated.

But asking folk to validate or confirm their mum is a selfish cow in this scenario?

I’m not sure.

I get it is hard walking/running away from an abusive relationship. I did that. Clothes on back and broken boned.

My parents don’t blaw about anything they have but when I needed help I asked for it. And it was given and paid back as soon as I could. But I don’t think it would have been offered had I not asked. They just wouldn’t have been aware.

OP sounds as though she is sitting back and seething. And that is fine. But to ask others to judge her mum when her mum may be oblivious isn’t fair.

She could well be selfish. She equally could not. On the very little information given, asking for a pile on a ‘selfish cow’ is uncalled for.

If the relationship has been inadequate I’m sorry for that. But it doesn’t sound that she asked and had been refused.

Some folk blaw all the time about the price of everything. It isn’t ideal but it is unclear in this case if mum is always this way or if it is a big fuck you in response to a request for help.

I wish you well after your escape OP but I’m surprised you seem to expect your mum to help out when you say she has let you down all your life. It would be so out of character surely.

Not really.she never gave me penny I gave her loads..you all missing the point
Thank you all for your comments.I don't nee any more answers

@emilybemilyboo

I m not raking benefits.and whatever people say about single parents getting everything it's not truth at all.believe me I know

No no I wasn't saying you are. I was just saying that people who read certain media believe you'd be well off in the benefits system and she may be one of those. My dad is a dailymail reader and couldn't believe when my sister and I told him the reality of our lives. He was somewhat more helpful after that, sort of.

OP people are being really unkind to you. Firstly, well done on leaving an abusive relationship. Parent and adult child relationships are tricky but yes, a good parent should be trying to support you in some way. Personally I think that's a perfectly acceptable thing to expect. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your mum is able to do that. Do you have a relationship with your father?

I don't think that she reads daily mail..

I know I wasn't expecting that when I posted this..
No my dad passed away few years ago..
I think I need to change my attitude all together...thanks

I absolutely don't want only cash.i always looked after myself and my family so you are wrong.

Have you actually asked her for help. My df wouldn't think of offering in a million years, but when I've asked he has always helped.

I m not used to asking for money i was always lending to others or sorting something out...it's ok I will sort it...

@emilybemilyboo

I m not used to asking for money i was always lending to others or sorting something out...it's ok I will sort it...

You might be better being direct and just asking for the help that you need. Doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but it is worth asking.

It might be an adjustment to go from being the person who helped to being the one who needs help.