How frank are you with friends and family?

[UuijungKo]

I personally find it very hard to give constructive criticism or advice as I am worried the other person will take offence. How frank are you with family and friends?

Are you being asked for this advice?

The ones who really want an honest answer or opinion and ask for it, I'm frank with. Those who don't, never ask and I never offer.

Family? I bite my tongue a lot. They’re prone to dramatics and I haven’t the energy for it.

Friends? I be a kindly honest as I feel is appropriate.

My family are all mostly blunt and outspoken and we don’t take offence at each other’s honesty even if it’s brutal. We also have very good sense of humour and laugh at everything.

@Justmuddlingalong

The ones who really want an honest answer or opinion and ask for it, I'm frank with. Those who don't, never ask and I never offer.

I tend to live by the sentiment above. I must say that I get the most value and fulfilment out of those friendships that value honesty and respectful but frank opinions.

I admire those families who are honest.

I cant say anything to my family and they wont say anything to me. I think we miss out. I wonder what I am doing that they think is "wrong" but just cannot tell me for fear of upsetting me.

I come from a family that is very honest.

That said, I have learnt that over the years, my thoughts, opinions and advice are my business.

Not really honest at all.with my family. Over the years I have come to realise that nobody listens to me anyway or has a shred of respect for m up professional background/knowledge where it is relevant, so I just let them get on with whatever they are doing and keep my thoughts to myself.

I try and keep my opinions to myself about their parenting, relationship or financial decisions. We are very frank about politics though.

Sounds like you are confusing "honesty" with "criticism". Unless someone actually asks what you think about them / their actions, it's not sensible to share your opinions with them.

Total honesty with family, always. We are all very close and value that part of our relationship. We are value frankness from each other. If I want to know if I am making an error its their comments I look for. Or even plastic things like hairstyles. So reassuring.

I tend to avoid direct confrontation and will often put my feelings into words by text or by letter. I am always mindful not to inflame tensions, simply state why I am feeling sad/upset/disappointed and give them time to consider my views/feelings. Sometimes it works, other times we discuss what could be done better, mostly we find a middle road. I can't see the point in having any relationships if they are not at least fundamentally honest and genuine, so an exchange of views is important.

For instance if they are continuously late, I just move the time and build in extra time to accommodate- no big deal. I look for solutions to avoid confrontations, but ultimately if something has really upset me I will say so. I expect respectful behaviour, and for those that feel they are ignored, I am not sure I would stand for that. I would call it out, and if it continued scale back the relationship.

I am honest as much as physically possible with everyone. But you can be honest without being an arsehole. Firstly, only offer an opinion when it is asked for. So even if something is quite clearly going to all end in tears, unless someone will die as a consequence, bite your tongue. Secondly, be constructive. Thirdly, be willing to accept the honest opinions of yourself.

I sometimes think our polite family relationships are a bit sad and standoffish. But then I read threads on here about families where members think they should have an opinion on everything going on in each others life ,I am just grateful I am not in that sort of enmeshed situation. Be careful what you wish for.

@ShippingNews- when things are going good- thats great. Its easy to praise and celebrate. But when I feel something isn't right I cannot be honest about it as I feel it will only be viewed as criticism. I've bitten my tongue on so many occasions.
Its sad because I think we miss out on others insight.

I'm honest with my kids and my brother. I have on very rare occasions been honest with my parents. But usually with parents and sister I just play along because nothing would change as a result of honesty and there's no point in hurting people.

@Sleepingdogs12
What I wish for is families who are understanding, loving and supportive of each other but also not afraid to call something out when it isn't right. For families members to reflect on what they say and do if others have pointed something out. To know its not coming from malice but from love. I know families like this do exist.

Imagine making mistakes (and finding out later it could have been avoided) and your family members and friends are too scared to advise you-although they can see you are making a mistake. For me that is sad.

I dont beat about the bush with friends and family, if I have something to say I say it.

With my children, as honest as I can be. I'm not one for shouting or histrionics and prefer conversation and encourage them to be the same. With DH, it depends. He's a touchy bastard sometimes so I choose my moments carefully. With friends, it depends if they ask. I've never subscribed to the notion that just because I think something I should say it. Not everyone wants or needs to hear someone's opinion just because that person likes to 'say it as it is/I'm just saying what everyone is thinking/I'm dead straightforward, me'. If I'm asked for my opinion, I'll give it.

Its complicated though, because sometimes people ask for your opinion/advice and then get touchy or lash out. Based on pervious experience with such people wven when things cool down/ go back to normal I am wary of them and will not give my opinion even when asked...I dont know if I am making sense....I just wondered if others feel like this too. I am honest with my children and they are honest with me but it doesnt extend to my pare ts, siblings etc.

If someone asks for your opinion and they throws it back at you, the next time they ask, remind them that they didn't respond well the last time. Giving advice to people who ask for it repeatedly, is often thankless. It's perfectly reasonable to then tell them you're saving your breath to cool your porridge. IYKWIM.

it depends. Im generally really open with people and whilst i can have strong opinions and boundaries, im also kind, supportive and open minded with it. I undoubtedbly offend some people or rub people up the wrong way, but on the other hand, my people are my people and have very frank honest communication with them and it goes both ways.
Im not sure id be able to be any other way